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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: iv been with my boyfriend for 6months now.. his loving, caring, senstive all the things a girl can look for in a guy and i do love himthe only problem is im not psychically attracted to him and i feel really guilty about it.. his always telling me how beautiful i am and how his so lucky to have a girlfriend like me. when i see attractive guys i cant help but think they are attractive does that mean im not loyal to him as i find other guys attractive but not him? i really dont want to be misunderstood im not after the looks if i was i wouldnt be with him in the first place.. when people see us together im sick of the same comment "your really pretty, i think you can do better" it gets me really angry i think of it as a polite way of saying what you doing with him??? obviously its not about what people think of him its about what i think but comments like that does annoy me really badly. also he has no self confidence with his looks in general and specially when his around me which he admits...is there anything i can do to i really dont want him to feel like that
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 I agree, body odor can be a turn off. Have you talked to him about this? Go to a doctor if necessary. Many factors play into this. though mostly genetics, but his daily diet can cause it too. There may be natural remedies (non industrial/chemical) stuff available, so perhaps you can do some research into this. I find that taking showers frequently also helps (instead of once a day). A bit expensive (if using hot water, or if you live in some parts in Australia)
As for his fashion sense, well, that is the easiest part actually. He can learn this! Have a "makeover" session with him. Go to a thrift/charity shop, a rumble/garage sale, or a flea market with him. Try different "styles" and take his pictures with the new outfits/styles. You'd be amazed at how people can and willing to change when they see how better looking they are with the new "look".
The downside of this, if successful, is, that he'd be so attractive that other girls will want him!! As for his personal qualities, my oh my, you've hit the jackpot there!
So try the doctor (or maybe a local chemist can also help, for starter, to suggest different anti-body odour stuff), and the makeover. And again, at your age, it is not uncommon to not know what you want in a relationship "exactly". Love is not a science lol. In fact, I would not be surprised if when you discuss deep or issues on what you want in the future, you and your boyfriend may have different visions and dreams.
Good luck on working on your relationship.
Cat
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): thanks for all the advise =]
its his body odour & fashion sense!! and for the reasons why i fell for him its his sense of humour, very thoughtful and knows how to treat a girl...
and for what i want in a relationship i dont know i suppose both has an equal share but i dont want to leave him just because of his looks thats really not fair and id feel horrible just thinking about it
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 April 2009):
This can go one of two ways and it depends what you want in a relationship.
If you want a basis of friendship and all the other physical stuff keeps you both satisfied but is not high on your list of priorities then no problem!
However, if you want that physical spark and attraction in your partner then you may have to let him go.
If you are happy then that is all that matters. If you think there is a chance you could meet someone else who really really makes you weak at the knees AND is lovely in all the other areas then go and find him.
As long as you are satisfied with what you have then you are the luckiest girl in the world.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Take some pride in the fact that you're not as superficial as the people you know!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (14 April 2009):
First question: What is it about him - physically - that you don't find "attractive" to you? Height? Weight? Body odour? Fashion sense? Skin colour? (two-tone instead of "rainbow" lol) Hair?
Second question: What is about him that made you like him or fall in love with him? His sense of humour? The twinkle in his eyes? His showers of attention to you?
You're only 18-21 so perhaps deep down you are still in the phase of "looking around" to see which best fit your criteria. That is actually not uncommon. However, if you think this "feeling" of not being attracted to him physically persists, you may encounter other problems which actually stemmed from this one issue.
Right now, you sound like a normal healthy girl, who thinks other boys are attractive. As long as you don't act on it, it is fine. As long as your boyfriend does not get jealous, it is fine. In the evolutionary theory, you are just in the phase of "selecting your mate" so no, you are not shallow ;-)
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