A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I had a party last weekend and I made out with a guy who has a girlfriend. we've been friends for years, he's had a crush on me for most of them years. I told him to stop because he was drunk and had a girlfriend and he replied: 'i'm not drunk and I want to do this and my girlfriend never has to know'. I feel so cheap, my moral compass has always been due north, but now I feel guilty even though I stopped, but weirdly enough ... I want it to happen again. I don't want a relationship with this guy or even sex (i'm a virgin), just to make out like we did the other night. I've known him for years and felt secure and sexy. Am I a terrible person? I love the sneaking around aspect, my friend encouraged me to 'be the other woman' but i'm not to sure. how do i make it happen again? should I make it happen again? I know you will all say he's a player and I've known him for years and always turned him down when he's wanted to start a relationship, so maybe he did it to know what it was like with me after all these years of wondering? thank you to anyone who replies, I know I sound like an immature 17 year old but any advice I would be grateful for, have any of you been the other woman? men: have you ever been in a relationship but had a friends with benefits on the side? (p.s - usually I don't do things like this, it's really out of character for me).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): How could you possibly even think of being "the other woman" ? How could you even make out with a guy who has a girlfriend, when YOU weren't even drunk? You should've known to not do it in the first place. If your moral compass was pointing in the right direction, this shouldn't have happened, especially since you had all those years to take up on his offer.If you really want to be with him, or make it happen again, then you either forget about him, wait until he is single, or give him an ultimatum to break up with his girlfriend. There is no other way. Being 'the other woman' makes you a homewrecker, not to mention that you are being used because you won't be his girlfriend, but rather, 'that girl'. Is it worth it? Ask yourself that. Do you want to ruin a relationship? What if you develop feelings for him and suddenly, he's no longer interested? You need to think about things more and try not to act in the spur of the moment. Respect yourself more, you're better than being 'the other woman'.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Ask yourself, why do you want to sneak around with this guy who is taken when you've had ample opportunity over the years to go out with him? That's not the behaviour of someone whose moral compass is pointing north. I think it makes you feel good to know that he wants you even though he's with her, but at the same time you recognise that this thing has cheapened you. You're making a fool of yourself and of this guy's girlfriend. Maybe he really likes you, in which case you shouldn't encourage him, or maybe he's just trying to have his cake and eat it. In either case, he clearly has very little respect for her. Imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around, if you were dating someone and another girl was trying to become "the other woman". Look, if you want to be with him then tell him. lay the cards on the table and let him decide what he wants to do. But it should be all or nothing. If you want to be with him and he wants to be with you, then he breaks up with the girlfriend properly before anything else happens between you two. If not, then you need to banish all thought of sneaking around.
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