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female
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anonymous
writes: I've ben married for 9 years. I had gastric bypass and lost 130 pounds. I feel great about myself. Some people say I could be a model, others are threatened by me. (I am 6 foot tall). My husband is extremely controlling, even more than he was before. I dont go anywhere without my son and he questions every move I make. He calls me constantly on my cell phone and I am becoming annoyed with it. A few months ago I danced with another guy when my husband and I went out. (my husband wont dance) This other guy said things to me that made me melt, and he is very cute. He is a corrections officer and I have always had a thing for a guy in uniform. I have seen him quite a few times since and we just smile at each other, except for the other night, I kinda put him off a little because my husband was around, and watching me like a hawk. My husband really doesnt trust this guy, not that he trusts anyone anyway. I keep thinking about this other guy all the time. I want to call him. The problem is I am 38 and married and he is 28 with a girlfriend. I feel the sparks when we are around each other. What am I thinking?? I look for him when I am driving waiting for the chance to see him alone. I could never say I would leave my husband for anyone else, but I am getting nothing from him to make me feel good about myself. Our sex life is raw, almost emotionless. I just want more from a man than what my husband is giving me, and I cant talk to him about it, he will turn it all around and place the blame on me. I dont think I want to have sex with the other, but I do want to feel sparks and I know he can do it. I want a friendship with him, but I know it could never be public. What do you suggest??
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male
reader, onefleshmin  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 First, you want to feel special and valued. The gastric bypass have given you a new confidence and your desire to have someone reconfirm that mindset. You have to realize that you were beautiful before the surgery. If you felt unattractive before the surgery then the problem is with yourself image. The younger man will make you feel special for the moment but the real problem is how you see yourself. Second, your husband and you are struggling with self image issues. Humane beings at times respond differently to emotional issues. Your husband insecurities cause his fear to control you and your insecurities are causing you to look else for love. If you both were to separate you still will struggling with insecurity issues. Finally, drop then notation of you and the younger man having a relationship. If you continue seeking a relationship with this young man, you will find yourself in a bad situation. If this response was any help reply.
A
male
reader, onefleshmin +, writes (2 March 2009):
First, you want to feel special and valued. The gastric bypass have given you a new confidence and your desire to have someone reconfirm that mindset. You have to realize that you were beautiful before the surgery. If you felt unattractive before the surgery then the problem is with yourself image. The younger man will make you feel special for the moment but the real problem is how you see yourself. Second, your husband and you are struggling with self image issues. Humane beings at times respond differently to emotional issues. Your husband insecurities cause his fear to control you and your insecurities are causing you to look else for love. If you both were to separate you still will struggling with insecurity issues. Finally, drop then notation of you and the younger man having a relationship. If you continue seeking a relationship with this young man, you will find yourself in a bad situation. If this response was any help reply.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): If you are 38 years old, then sadly, I cannot blame your 'immaturity' and lack of sensibility on your youthful age. Drop the notion of having an affair with the other man and stop all this nonsense and work at your marriage. Take responsibility for your actions in all this. You are looking for an affair just to make you feel good about yourself and desired. You are obviously giving your husband a reason to 'mistrust' you. The kind of disrespect and dishonor that you are displaying to your husband and in you marriage is bald, in-your-face adultery. I recommend that you see a counselor or a minister to discuss your marriage and see if there is anything to salvage. If your husband is controlling, like you say, then do something about that. But don't "run away' from your life/marriage problems with the first unavailable man who smiles at you. What does this say about you? That's a horrible way to "role model' in front of your child.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 November 2005):
 First of all you have to remember you are married and you also have a son. If you can't really talk to your husband about your needs then you have two choices only. You can separate from your husband and move on OR you can stay and put up with the "raw" sex. Having ANYTHING to do with this other man is out of the question until you resolve your marital situation.
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