A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem for which I really can't come up with a solution. Although I have a rather good dating life in general, there is a girl who I can't get off my mind. I had gone out with this girl during an experimental phase in my life (which I got over fairly quickly in retrospect) and at the time I was frustrated with her commitment to not being sexual in most ways. I never tried anything that I knew would make her uncomfortable but after some discussion, we decided to end the relationship because of my frustration and our lack of time for commitment during the period. This was around my 15th birthday. We've remained friends since. After a few weeks though, I realized that I passed someone up who I really care for. I have since apologized to her for behaving as I did and later tried to explain how I feel although I've never gotten it to come out quite right. I know she does like me as a person because I'm the first and only person she has gone out with (this makes me feel even worse for being so shallow), because we have remained on good terms. It is a year later and I still feel for her. I, and those with whom I have discussed this with, think that she is worried that if she commits to me again the same issues will come up. As I had said before, we had dated at a weird time in my life. I am sure those issues would never come up again but I can't think of any good way to show her that her worries are unfounded and that I care about her as much as I do. Any advice? (I would appreciate it if people would avoid telling me to forget about her and move on because I have been in several relationships since and have tried to push her out of mind. I feel for her in a different way than others.)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, citris +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Ask her to for some time to talk, face to face. if you can't get it out, then write it down, edit it, do whatever you need to come up with the letter that expresses exactly what you feel and think and have her read it with you there.
Let her know that you would like to try to have a relationship and that you care for her in a way you never expected. Tell her your fears, be honest with her. Let her know you don't want to ignore the issues from the past but that you want to try to get past them, TOGETHER,if that is what she wants.
It would also be helpful to let her know you are understanding in that she might be hesitant to date you because of these past issues but that you really want to try to get past them and prove to her what your feelings really are.
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