A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Just need to know that i'm not being set up by an amature. He lives at home and is 5yrs older than i am and to adding to the scenario he has never been w/anyone. first time out I had called him. things moved too fast and already L word was in the pic. then 2nd time around he called me and i couldnt do it again as just wasn't feeling it and had other things going on. 3rd time i called him and we are trying again. again L is already in the pic, but I am not ready to say that yet and this time he's added additional work. now he's wanting me to know that whenever i'm ready for him to move in, just say the word. To add to that, he's asking about my medical condition, he's asked already a few times what it's called. not sure why its such a bit concern, it's not terminal. Then with work, i had mentioned that I could be getting another position and right away he assumed that I'd be getting a raise. So now he periodically asks me about the job and if i've got this raise which i never said i'd get. Then with his work, apparently, he plans to retire in 4 months as his plan is to get his 20yrs in. But then mentions that as long as all goes well with us, he would make sure that he'd find something so that he wouldn't end up like my x who would leave me holding the bag. He would be sure to find something in 4 months. He's not even sure if he's going to stay at the same company. He just thought he'd travel and spend money when he retired. but that was before i came along.. maybe he should just carry out his dream without me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the responses that you have all provided. I agree that he is in a hurry to play house. But also that I do need to slow it down as i'm not ready to have him move in from his parents place to mine. Feel like I'd be replacing his mom once he leaves the nest.
I did tell him that the job would be a different position, but would not be an increase in pay.
He did assured me that he'd be able to provide for us regardless of whether he chose to retire or not. I just don't want to be stuck caring for someone else. Need someone who can take care of himself. it's hard enough being a single mom.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 You are 41-50 so he is 46-55 and he lives at home? That alone would have my antenna up?
I don’t know what you mean by first time, second time third time… are these dates close together or are they times you were together then broke up then got back together.. either way… saying LOVE on the first second or third date is too soon… breaking up and getting back together is not good either.
He’s over 50 and never been with anyone? Not good.
When you move in do you move in with him and his mommy and daddy? NOT good.
Did you tell him… NO RAISE just more work? What did he say?
Why didn’t you tell him…..
I have a medical condition that is not terminal but is very debilitating and my fiancé wants to know everything there is to know about it…. Why wouldn’t a man who cares about a woman want to know about every illness that affects her….
What about it sets your radar buzzing? Clearly you think something is not “kosher’ why is that?
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 If you feel like its a set up then most likely it is. Set up to be shacking up playing house then marriage happily ever after.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): It does sound a little fishy however he could just be trying to show an interest in you by stating he sees the possibility of a future with you. But i would be careful. And i'd ensure that you tell him that you do like him but you want to take things slowley, really get to know each other before moving in etc. I am assuming that he is aged between 40 and 50 too, he could just be eager to settle down and is being a bit to forward but not meaning anything ill natured by it. Just take time to date - figure out if he is using you and if you do want to be with him. He could genuinely be a nice guy that is simply not for you - it happens.Good luck with whatever happens
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (26 September 2012):
 This one has my antena up. I don't think he is a con man, but a nester. A con man would be more cunning and subtle. This one is desperate and clumsy.
I think you can figure out for yourself what a nester is. He is in too much of a hurry to play house and someone is going to end up hurt.
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