A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im just 15 and i feel like my friends are faster than me with boys and sexual aspects. I have been told I am pretty etc but I've got no self confidence. I have had opportunities but i am quite shy about that kind of stuff. I feel everyone is growing up faster than me and I feel left behind. I want to meet more people etc. Any words of wisdom ? x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I agree with the aunt who suggested that you may be the mature one in your group. So, what this is, is all about growing up and deciding who we are and want to be. Take your time. I don't think I know anyone who would admit that they only wish it had slowed down a bit so they could catch their breath and plan there lives better.
Embrace the differences between you and your friends, let this be your opportunity to observe, learn and benefit from others mistakes and choices.
This is a time for young women to want to be something and someone, be noticed and popular. We want a boyfriend or to be all together. There is huge pressure on young people these day to have it all sorted and stay out and away from trouble. I beleive during this time in life we also start to mould into the adult we will eventually become. Again however, that changes over time and we are always perhaps a work in progress!
When we look back at our teenage years we sometimes feel pretty silly about what was important to us then. You go through those fazes where you'll try this look. that hairdo or makeup etc, test and try new things trying to find what works for us. Some of us take longer to find things than others, but that does not mean we are missing out or going to be forgotten and left behind. One of the hardest skills to learn in life is not being effected by other people, what they do and how we compare. It is hard not to think your the one lagging behind. And you'll just have to trust me on the sex thing, if your friends are concentrating on this, which is dreadful at your age, totally not what love making is about, then they are the foolish ones and may have later regrets. NEVER feel that there is something wrong with you because your not yet sexually active or in a relationship. Never! It is about what you are comfortable with and confortable doing, not what others are into. Lift you head up high and praise yourself for wanting to grow up more before you complicate your life.
Now, what about activities, clubs and crafy doing things for you. Sport, dancing, cooking, making things? What are you interested in finding out about?
Embrace life and the future opportunities, rather than wondering if we are missing out on something. Get motivated and excited about the stuff you have to look forward to. Your life honey, has just started to become interesting, when you are buzy with life you have no time to be all reflective and melancholy.
Just think about how sad it is that many, many young women, haven't even been told they are pretty! There are alos many lost young ones who have no friends. So life can be worse and it is time to count your blessings!
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Hey sweetness, I know just where youre coming from. I felt jsut the same at your age. It will change, I promise, in your own time! :-D Meeting more people is a great idea, I ride horses and I movd to a new yard at your age, and thats where I met my BF (of the time, we arent still together any more, thank god lol!!) and made loads of new friends. Your could always think about starting a new activity, taking a new class, playing a new sport to meet more ppl, and then who knows, you might jsut meet the boy of your dreams
Hope this helps, try not to let your friends get to you! You can always message me if u wanna chat more :-D take care xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): It sounds to me actually that you are streets ahead of your friends mentally because you can see beyond their behaviour. Jumping into sexual activity in your early teens isn't necessarily the greatest deal and it is ideal to wait for that special guy if you can. Please do not worry about other people getting more experience - what matters is that the experiences you have are as positive as possible and that you don't feel bad - quality not quantity. I lost my virginity at 15 and I am now 36 and still regret it! Wish I had waited and my boyfriend told me he was 21 when he lost his - I have so much respect for that.In terms of self confidence it is a time for you to really experiment with different looks and enjoy trying out make-up, new styles of clothes, music and stuff like that. As you feel more comfortable with your 'look' your confidence will grow. If you are in situations that people put you down or comment negatively about you get away from those people. I have learnt over the years not to be around these type - they just drag you down. It will not be long until you are hitting 20 and with that starts a whole new phase of your life - try and relax and enjoy the one you're in. Think about your hopes and dreams and make small goals for now so that you feel you have achieved things. Think about making life more exciting with new hobbies or try a new challenge - you could surprise yourself. At 18 I went on an outward bound course. I hated camping, flies and sharing stuff with other people, didn't like cold weather and dreaded it. By the end of the week I couldn't get enough of it and would do it all again. I hope I've helped. Lots of happiness and luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I know exactly how u feel. U sit there listening to your friends talking about going out and meeting boys etc, and u're trying to join in as much as possible but u can't really.If you want to meet people, join clubs and things and get chatting to people! Why don't u hav any self-confidence? ... Just try and realise that u hav no reason to be shy. I've been shy in the past and regretted things that i didn't hav the confidence to do. Just just go for it!But at the same time, if you're not ready to do anything sexual with people like u say your friends hav, then don't! And stick to it, don't be pressured into doing anything. (Plus you're still too young if you're not 16 yet..)Keep us posted! xx Hope xx
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