A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The man i am dating sometimes proposes me to go out to social occasions where we will meet a lot other people, some of them are friends. Although i am happy for that, i often feel very embarrased and think that bad things will happen to those social occasions. Maybe i am afraid to meet people that we know because i think that they may make comments about our relationship. Usually nothing bad happens but i feel prejudiced about this matter, i am afraid that something bad will happen. Is there really a matter that i should be afraid when i am with other people and my boyfriend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): I'll be honest, I feel like there is something you are ashamed of. And I am not saying that you are justified to feel ashamed. Shame is something that we can create out of thin air when we are suffering low self esteem. So, perhaps you are being way too hard on yourself?? To me it sounds like you have your own insecurities about either yourself or your relationship that you are perhaps unjustifiably embarrassed about and you are automatically expecting these people to see you in the same light that you see yourself and bring to the surface your insecurities through comments or whatever?? In that case the problem is not really your friends but your poor self image. Cause only if your friends are really tactless and spineless would they reduce themselves to being mean like that in a social situation. Are your friends that spineless? In general, people are not that mean. I think this may be a fear that you are creating in your mind but holds no truth in the real world. So why are you so insecure?? Is it because your friends are in fact really judgmental and spineless?? If that's the case then you should get new friends. But you say that when you go to these functions you have a good time. So it doesn't sound like they are that bad. So its something completely within yourself that you are very critical of yourself and so unrightly expect others to see you in the same light and be just as critical??? In that case, you are creating these insecurities in your mind and nobody sees it but you. So in that case you have nothing to worry about in these social settings. It sounds like the only person who is going to be critical of you is yourself. In a way you are your worst enemy. Now is this something new or have you always felt this way? If this is new, I think you should find out the root of your insecurities and try to eliminate it from your life. Something is causing a weight over you that is causing you to feel this way. And if you can eschew it from your life, you'll be much happier and you won't feel this way. You don't have to dig that deep to know what does and doesn't feel right. However, if this is something you have struggled with for most of your life, you might need some cognitive therapy in order to work out your fears. In that case just call a local therapist and let her know your symptoms and make an appointment. Its NO big deal whatsoever and nobody has to know. And hopefully a therapist can get you on a better path to feeling great again. You deserve it.But all I know is that this is an issue, whether big or small that requires intervention either on your part or with the help of somebody, because it is definitely something that needs to be worked out. Cause everybody has insecurities, but they should not affect your life to the extent that it affects everyday activities. That you should be afraid of something so normal as a social gathering, it is not normal for you to feel this way. You should be happy to be with your friends and loved ones. And you should feel happy and confident with yourself and with your accomplishments and especially with your boyfriend! So I hope you make an effort to feel better and make the appropriate changes or enlist the help of someone in order to get there. Good luck. You'll do great.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 It maybe your phobia of meeting people and afraid of them speaking about your relationship with him.
What is there to fear? Do you do anything wrong?
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