A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early 30s. I met this guy at work, everyone was trying to hook us up together because we came from the same country. He asked me out, and I went. we talked; we turned out to have a lot in common.. He then ignored me for a few days, and asked me out again. I went the second time coz I really liked him and I am kinda desperate to have someone in my life. Our work colleagues knew we were going out, and encouraged it. Then yesterday, I find out from a friend of his that he has a girlfriend and is planning to get MARRIED in 2 months!!! He is even remodeling his house.I feel awful, and socially embarrassed. How do I explain to people now that I was the "third wheel"?? why would anyone do what he did?? I pretended that I had met her, and that I knew all along; but I don't know how much the people at work bought my story. I feel sooo humiliated. what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): You don't have to say or explain anything to anyone. Say that you don't think you were working out together and that you were better friends than a couple... Or you could always say that you were just friends....Its no one's business but yours at the end of the day. You could always ask this guy why he never mentioned the fact that he is getting married, when you first met?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): You don't have to explain anything to anybody at work - it's nobody's business but your own and the less said about it the better - there's always plenty of gossip at work to keep people occupied and forget about the last bit. Anybody who is over interested in this is possiby a bit sad anyway ...?? If anyone asks you outright, just calmly say in a normal voice that you were just friends, it's neither here nor there really and if anybody knows there was more to it than that, just be cool and say it wasn't that much of a big deal and there's more pebbles on the beach etc and then move on.
You don't want to be the person at work that people gossip about. You also don't want to be the singleton that everybody is busy trying to find a man for (however good their intentions may be). And as for why he did it - who knows! Men will be men. We've all been there (I have lost count of the men I know who have tried it on, either with me, or a friend, only to find out they already have someone tucked away). Maybe he was after an affair, maybe he was just being friendly, maybe he wanted some female company. You say you were 'desperate' for male company, maybe he was a bit lonely himself and if you were 'desperate' he might have sensed it. He may have different core values to you, in which case he is not compatible with you anyway or he might just have been being sociable.
What I would say is, never be desperate because in that frame of mind you will definitely be at high risk of making the wrong choices. I read an interesting psychology article recently which said 'a man should be a bonus, not an essential'. If you fill your life with fun, friends, interests etc and work on your own self so that you don't feel desperate you will attract the right people naturally at the right times etc .. He's only a man, he's not God or anything.
It's always nice to have attention from men, don't get me wrong but we can't afford to get 'desperate'. Forget about it, don't worry about your colleagues. I'm sure they have made mistakes themselves with men. And perhaps they should lay off trying to matchmake you?? You might be better off just meeting men naturally in our own good time, outside of work, at the gym, social events, wherever. Or if you do meet someone at work, take it easy and you don't have to have the whole office involved in your business.
They may have been trying to help but sometimes people can be bitchy too. It's hard to say without knowing them and you etc .. & office environments can very gossipy. What I really took from your post was your use of the word 'desperate'. Maybe a couple of sessions with a private counsellor could help you to sort that out so that you attract the right men for you (and you don't need to tell your colleagues).
You have done nothing wrong and it's not your fault - you were not to know he was spoken for. Also, you don't just have to go out with someone from the same country as you?? Keep an open mind. Don't worry about it any more, concentrate on keeping yourself beautiful, happy, healthy and wise!! These things happen. I hope this is a little bit of some help!! All the best. take care xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 You were not privy to those info's but now you know and stopped going out with him. It is not your fault and don't blame yourself for it.
Maybe , he was just trying to be friendly and to know more about you.
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