A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:(sorry in advance if this is post is incoherent)One day, I woke up feeling neutral/blank about my SO. This scared me, because things had been going great between us and I had no reason to feel this way. Just the day before, we spent the entire afternoon cuddling. We're both college freshmen, we're in the same course and we're also blockmates so we spend a lot of time together. I didn't say anything to her at first, hoping that the feeling of blankness would go away, but it didn't. So after three days of blankness, I talked to her about it. (more on this later)I thought about it and came up with a couple of reasons why I might be feeling this way:1) We spend TOO much time together. For the past month or so(ever since we became a couple) we've spent all our free time together and call each other almost nightly. It's as if we had our own world(though I was thinking about this last week, and back then I didn't care, and was actually happy that this was the case)2)She has been the focus of my entire semester... to the detriment of every other aspect of my life. The first three months were spent courting her. I've never put more effort into anything else in my life. [To give you an idea: I endured a 3 hour (rush hour) commute to her house lugging around a cooler with me so that I could bring her ice cream and cheer her up. Stuff like that] I'm sure that I overdid it. Because of this(though there are other factors, like getting lost in extracurriculars), my relationships with my family and my friends have deteriorated greatly, and so have my grades. I think the biggest factor might have been the grades part- they're so low that I almost got cut from my course. I knew that everything was going downhill, but it felt like everything was okay because I had her. Perhaps this is reality kicking in? Am I just realizing that it's NOT okay to let everything else go to hell?3) Maybe I've (abruptly) transitioned into the comfortable phase? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel. I don't really have any basis for comparison. My experience is limited to a couple of flings and just one serious relationship. But that one relationship never got past the butterflies/honeymoon phase either. --- I think it might be a combination of all three of the reasons I listed down, but knowing what the problem is doesn't really help me. Assuming I've just transitioned into the comfortable phase- what am I supposed to feel? Is it normal that my heart doesn't skip a beat anymore when I see her? Is it normal that looking at our pictures doesn't really do anything for me? I'm pretty sure that I still have feelings for her though. Talking to her on the phone still makes me feel happy, and hugging her and holding her hands still makes me feel warm and safe. I know for sure that it isn't the same for her. Her feelings for me only developed last month. I've liked her for the entire semester. How will things work if the problem is that we're in different phases?I know that I still care about her deeply. I was(still am) so scared of hurting her that when I told her about how I was feeling, I was full-on sobbing. I know I still want her to be happy. I have some minor problems with how things are, but I've talked to her about them, and I still want our relationship to work.When I talked to her about it, she said it would be best if we took some time off during the sem break(about two weeks long) for me to try and figure out what's going on. I brought up the possibility that perhaps the "blankness" I'm feeling is my misinterpretation of feelings of stability/normalcy/security. She says she wants me to be sure that it's that, and not that the feelings are gone.Can someone shed some light on my situation? additional info: I feel blank about everything. Not excited for the next sem, not excited for the break, not even excited for the out of country trip during the break.
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male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 I guess you should see a Psychiatrist and have a talk to him/her about it.
This is a big decision to make. You don't want to screw it up. She sounds like a nice person. So, you don't want to do anything to hurt her feelings.
These days, it's normal for people to see a Psychiatrist, so it's nothing to be ashamed of.
The world is your oyster. So eat it and enjoy it. Eat, live, love.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 It could be a mix off all these reasons. But you gave up so much in your life for this girl. You give up on friends family work and now it almost looks like you are giving up on this as well because you have focused all of your life on this girl. This is not healthy. You need to have a balance. You need to have time for her, but also spend time with family and friends and also your study. You need to find a healthy balance that works for you. It does sound like you still love this girl but you probably have just gotten comfortable in the relationship now that you have stopped trying so much to impress her.
I think your girlfriend has the right idea. Some time apart might be off benefit, in order for you to clear your head and see if you actually miss her when you are apart. Some time alone may be the best thing. No contact at all in these two weeks. You need time to think about things and see if you so still want to be with her. Good luck.
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