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I feel betrayed that husband socialises whith people who hatee me!

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 14 August 2008)
A female South Africa age 36-40, *ladys writes:

Hi,

I just got married last year August 2007 and my husband and i lived with his family for couple of months until things went wrong his sister does'nt like me beause my husband had a relationship before me and a child,now my sister inlaw thinks a snitch my husband from his ex whom my sister inlaw loves.

we finaly moved out last month and i bought a car and a house for me and m husband because,he lost his job last march.my husband sister because of his hate for me she turned everybody from my husband side to hate me so they hate me for getting married to him,when we moved it ws so bad that his sister fought me called me names and he took my side and told his sister to go to hell.

we have been living very nicely with my husband since we moved recently my sister inlaw through a party which everybody was invited except us, which i can undestand she hates me and she hates his brother for getting married to me.

i told my husband that i am not going to his parents place which his sister also lives on the week of the party and i told him if he want to go there i dont have any problems with him going there,but it seems he did'nt care to listen to me because he went to his sister'party which was on sunday but my husband left our home saterday morning to see some friend but never returned and he only returned monday evening, what makes me angry and betrayed is that he did'nt bother to call me or let me know where he is because i was worried about him.

+ my point is i feel betrayed that he socialises whith people who hates me and turn around and says he loves me,because of him going there he excualy made his family disrespect me even worse because he takes my side when am there but when am not there he agrees with them and pretends as if nothing is wrong,how can he laugh with people that hates me,what am i supporse to think or how am i going to trust him?

Please help am i supporse to let it go and tell myself thing will be better or am a crazy thinking he betrayed me?

View related questions: his ex, lost his job, moved out

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008):

A man that throws away his family, is a man that you can't trust. Yes, his family has been rude and mean to you, but they brought him up, they kept him alive, they've known him longer than you. He was very right to go and see them, he has no arguement with them, you are the one that is in a fight. What man throws away his family because two women are in a fight. It's none of his business, he should continue to love you and be with you, but he should also continue to see them. Would you throw away your family and friends if your husband didn't like them?

It seems your in a fight with the sister, not the whole family. The longer you stay away, the more bad things she will have to say about you, and your not there to defend yourself. Your husband was right to go, he dosen't want to hide, he's done nothing wrong. If he didn't go, then the sister would say that you've hidden him away. He goes to defend you and make sure that nobody listens to his lies. I bet he just loves to tell everyone that you bought him a house and a car, which his ex never done.

I don't like the not calling thing, of course you should be worried and mad about that. Talk to him and tell him that he needs to call you, so you don't worry and think that he's been hurt. Otherwise, you have a good husband, he's acting in the correct way. When you calm down, you need to start visiting the family too. You've done nothing wrong, go and stand by your man's side. In time if they see you, and they see how happy you've made him, they will calm down and treat you with more respect.... Blessings, and good luck to you both.

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A female reader, junebug United States +, writes (13 August 2008):

u need to sit and talk 2 him.u never said he couldnt go but for him to be rude and not call thats wrong. U didnt do anything to his family so he needs to relize his family is very mean and somehow just try and talk everything out and tell him if was the other way around what he would do.idk but im sure its killing u inside.(my ex boyfriends family was this way) .i wish u bunches of luck!xoxoxoxo

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