A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started dating person A. While person A and I were in the beginning phases of going on dates and getting to know eachother, I was still sleeping with my ex-girlfriend on the side. I told person A that I cut all communication with my ex and don't talk to her...a blatant lie. I talked to my ex and while I was dating person A, me and her met up and we had sex. (This was before I slept with person A). A little while later, person A and I eventually had sex and now I am content with the way things are. She wanted to be official and I agreed. Now, person A and I are in the beginnings of a new relationship. After this happened, I have not talked to my ex at all. She had a boyfriend this whole time, so its not like she be totally devastated. She and I had always talked about a near future when she and her current boyfriend wouold break up and she would come back to me. However, it seems as though I am the one who has gotten away from her now. I don't want to talk to her anymore, but I still miss her from time to time. I have decided to be faithful in my committed relationship and I am choosing to cut communication with my ex, at least for the time being. I know what I did was wrong for lying to person A about my ex and even sleeping with my ex behind her back, but it wasn't like I was cheating on her or required to tell her any truth of any matter. I don't feel wrong about that. But I feel wrong for leaving my ex in the dark without saying a word. Do I talk to her and tell her that I am committed to person A now or just disappear and not say a word?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): you and your ex were both just using each other anyway, so I think that's mutually understood. it was separate from any relationship. However it was an arrangement of some sort so I think you do owe it to your ex to tell her that it's not going to happen anymore, that's just common courtesy. hey, if you met up with a friend for lunch regularly and then you decided not to do that anymore surely you would have the courtesy to inform them of your decision so they're not wondering why you're not coming around anymore, right? Or would you simply just one day stop showing up? that would be kinda rude. so I think that since you and your ex had this arrangement, that you owe it to her to inform her of the change.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 As tempting as it is to end on good terms with your ex, the harm that can come from re-opening the lines of communication just so you can purge your guilt just isn't worth it. Your ex has probably reached some level of acceptance that you are out of her life. Coming back in would restart that clock for her.
And if your current girlfriend ever found out she would never trust you.
We can't always make amends. Sometimes we just have to do better in the future.
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