A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,My boyfriend just dumped me again and thinks I will never change. I am 27 and he is 28. We've been dating for 1 and half yr. He says he's afraid to miss my call or I will get angry and he's afraid to pick up my phone because he is scared I will get angry. He is so afraid of fights!I think I am only like this when he decides to ignore me again or talk rude and ofcourse I get angry. He's been acting distant and didn't want to see me for the past month!Now he broke up with me when I was at his home. He says I will never change and I need anger management as a piece of advice before I leave. He wanted me to leave him alone for good. He didn't want to talk about a relationship anymore because it's stressing him out when I was at his house. He's done with me. He thinks I shouldn't be in a relationship right now and says he loves me deeply but we can't be with each other because all we do is fight and he can't take it anymore. He wanted me to go to therapy for a long time. Thursday I am finally going.....Now I love him very much as he's very caring usually and he says that he cares a lot about me and he want me to be happy and I need therapy for it? Because it worked for him? I know at a point I meant the world to him and he cared for me as his own limb. He says I ruined it all with my immature behavior and I'm sometimes so sweet but usually bad and selfish?He is not perfect either and nor am I. But I can put up with his flaws and forgive him but he can't.He wants to be there for me but not as my boyfriend anymore. I want him back so badly. I wish I could control my anger! I will work on it and I know it's a bad habit of mine. But he says it's too late and he gave me many chances already. When he rejected me I got angry ofcourse and I said I would find another boyfriend is he doesn't want me. This made him very very angry. So pleading didn't work and getting angry didn't either.He dropped me off at my work. I was crying and he was irritated and left.I've sent him a txt later on that I agree with the break up. he's made the right decision and he should take care. He did NOT reply!!!He said he will call or txt me to see how I'm doin after the therapy session because it will be harsh while driving me to work.What can I do to get him back? Do I still make a chance? He will go on a vacation alone to costa rica for 5 weeks within one month! We've been on and off a few times. I asked him why is it different this time? He replied: I don't know. If you're afraid we will be back together next week. Don't be because we will won't be back. I'm sick and tired of this.I'm planning to go away this weekend so I wont feel so sad. And im fighting the urge to call him.What should I do? I really don't wanna lose him because I know he does care about me but he gave up. I miss him so much.. Please help..Just last week he was combing my hair, tuck me in, gave me small massages and was babying me like he would never let go.... I can't stop crying
View related questions:
broke up, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): Yep. Sounds like it. You shouldn't have text him. Its not part of moving on.
Try for 6 weeks and when you reach that- try another three weeks. Gets better.
Still attend sessions.
*hugs*
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
Thank you so much for your advice :)
He did call me as he promised on 11 o clock sharp before my therapy session to encourage me. But I just said thanks and the session was resceduled, I didn't tell me to which day though? And then the conversation ended. Guess he didn't care enough to ask.
3 weeks has passed and I didn't contact him untill today.
I texted him:
Me: Hey how are you?
Him: Im good and you?
Me: Im good long time no speak!
and that's it? he didn't reply anymore after that?
Do you guys think he is over me? So soon??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Its okay to hurt. Its apart of healing.You have a history of break ups and he may claim its all you but if he has been to counseling; what the heck for?Counselling is always a wise course to take. I say this because as the world grows by popluation and with it adopts lesser standards of attitudes on how to love and respect one another- there will be an increase in personality disorders due to childhood homelife and divorce rates spiking.Counseling is a great tool to use to give us insight into who we are, what are emotional triggers are, and what causes us to behave the way we do, even when we use anger because sometimes anger is a great mask for pain, confusion, fear.I personally think the BF has a personality and attitude that triggers alot of your behaviours. So counselling for sure will reveal to you the whole dynamic.You can learn, grow, heal with a great counselor and gain insight into who you are, what helps you to be happy, and with it, you will grow stronger, get healthier and wiser and will make BETTER, Healthier decisions when it comes to your dating life as well as everyday life.Please make a promise to yourself and say I DESERVE HAPPINESS and counselling can aid me with being happy and successful in Life, Love, Work.Definitely take a mini vacation.*hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Everything is still very raw at the moment, I understand that and off course you are going to be upset and hurt. You need to take some time out to accept that it is over. Don't contact him because it will only make things worse. If you do believe that you have an anger problem well then you do need to get to the bottom of it and therapy is the best way. But believe me it is something that you need to do on your own and away from him if you are going to build a future together. I understand that he wants to be there for you as a friend but that won't work so if you are really serious about him well then you need to not contact him at all while you get the help that you need. So the best thing to do is to text him and tell him that it is something that you need to do on your own and that you hope afterwards that you can both sit down and talk about the future then. Tell him you are serious about the help and show him you are by dropping all contact with him until you get the help. Now I don't mean a week or two I mean even a month while you try and sort out your issues. It sounds to me like this is a mixture of you being angry but also insecure within yourself and you need to fix these issues on your own in order for the relationship to work. Am sure he loves you but he just does not love the person you can become. So if you are serious about changing well then you need to do it alone. Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you.
...............................
|
