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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I know there are many questions about porn, but plese bear with me. So when men watch porn, do they watch it for the women's bodies? Especially girl on girl, or girls masturbating, or stripping, ie. porn that doesn't involve men at all (so it's not about the "acts" so to speak). Or naked pictures of women, like Playboy or even not naked but like Victoria's Secret catalogs (some men masturbate over that).Because they're always so flawless and perfect and have big breasts, flat tummies, no cellulite. And I honestly can't compete with that. I'm 24, I'm supposed to be at my hottest and I feel so ugly compared to the average porn star! I have small breasts, a little tummy fat tht won't go away and thick thighs with cellulite. It really makes me not want to have sex when I know my partner has watched porn recently, no matter how much he says he wants it, because I know I'm not as hot as his "fantasy women".I'm not talking about acts here... like I know some guys are curious about things they would never try in real life (like I don't know, drinking some body fluids) but they watch it out of curiosity. What I'm talking about is strictly that they wish they could have sex with a perfect looking woman with big breasts and no cellulite. And they say those women are fantasy, but they're not, they're real living women who after they shoot a porn movie go back to their house, they live somewhere in the world, they were born from another woman... you know what I mean? They're a real as I am. As my boyfriend is. They may be unreachable due to geography or whatever, but that doesn't make them "unreal" or "just fantasy". So if, say, my boyfriend (who is a typical guy) could be with a girl who had such a perfect body instead of me, would he? Would he leave me if he found someone who was perfect physically and had a good personality? Is any guy who has sex with me just settling because he can't do better? Where I live most women are average, except for some strippers and escorts... most guys I know like the idea of a stripper/escort's body but wouldn't have sex with them because of STDs, although many of my friends have and are really into strip clubs because the women look so much better than normal women. That's why I'm scared my boyfriend is the same...I can't relate, because sure I may find some actor hot, but I don't masturbate looking at pictures of that actor, or looking at porn, or even thinking of that actor. Usually when I masturbate it depends on whether I'm attached or single, if I'm attached I masturbate thnking of my boyfriend (usually random fantasies that may be difficult to carry out, ie. outdoor sex) and if I'm single I masturbate thinking of whoever from real life I'm attracted to at the moment (a coworker, classmate, a guy I'm getting to know, etc.) So it's always people from real life that I'm attracted to, because that does it for me, but none of them look like Brad Pitt. So my point is I'm used to getting off and lusting after normal, average guys... but my boyfriend watches porn with perfect women, does that mean he's just settling for my imperfect body?And before anyone mentions it, no, I honestly wouldn't want my boyfriend to look like Brad Pitt. Pitt may be hot, but I honestly don't find that as sexually appealing as normal men. To be more graphic, watching Brad Pitt shirtless is like looking at a nice painting in a museum (for what's worth, I appreciate feminine beauty in the same, non-sexual way). Fantasizing and masturbating to the thought of a normal, real life guy I know (I think that's the part that does it for me) is completely sexual, it gets me going.Sorry for the rant/question... I just feel very bad about my sex appeal because men operate so differently to women, I'm just scared that my boyfriend doesn't really want my body because it's attractive, but just because it's OK and the only he can get to stick it into (and this is not about love either, he loves my personality which has nothing to do with the most basic sexual instinct... I'm sure if I gained 200 lbs and went bald he'd still love my personality but he'd be too grossed out to have sex).
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 I agree with the poster that said the OP is just with the wrong man.
Any man that says you would be better if you looked like a porn star needs to be alone...
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
 If you dress up for Halloween you are still a real person. They wear a lot of makeup, but that doesn't mean what happens on screen isn't actually happening in real life.
This whole "women just don't understand" thing is a total cop out. It's much easier to say, she just doesn't understand and therefore I don't have to listen than to admit she does understand and that's why it hurts. Women are not a different species, women are turned on just as much as men are by porn and visual stimuli, we enjoy orgasms just as much as men do, and we need "releases" just as much. It's not that we don't understand, that is just a much nicer sounding way of putting it than "I know how you feel and I just don't care."
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Wow well this escalated quickly. Started off about a self esteem issue in the OP projecting her insecurities onto porn and how do you ladies make her feel better? By cutting the shit out of other women and calling us guys stupid, calling them whores, tarts and disgusting for having tattoos etc.
There's the problem here, a bunch of insecure women trying to put down other women because they can't handle that there may be other women who are more attractive, have bigger boobs, less of a belly etc. and then try to put the blame for you feeling that way on us guys for looking at those women when we do not give a shit about any of those little details you ladies are obsessed about.
That's a little bit disgusting if you ask me. Deriding others and objectifying them to cover your own "flaws" or to make someone feel better is low.
Just the usual crap, blame TV, blame men, blame more beautiful women for your inadequacies instead of being good to yourself, treating yourself well and improving your mental state for you. It's your fault you feel like shit, it's your problem to fix. You think I blamed food for being fat? Hell no, I got up off my arse and started working out. You think I blamed Brad Pitt for being more beautiful as the reason why women drop their knickers at my sight? No again, I went out there and I got women myself.
OP please forgive me but I'd take a porn star over you any day. At least they're proud enough of their bodies not to give too much of a damn what others think, or call us guys stupid for looking at them and not "normal" women. I'd take a porn star who is confident, respectful of men and other women over a woman with your crushing self loathing attitude and your willingness to cut others down every day of the week.
"men wouldn't act so stupid when they see a stripper or surgically enhanced woman."
Have you seen women at an Usher concert? Women with male strippers around? Stop putting us down to make yourself feel better OP.
Hell I'd rather a crack junkie with scabs on face and nearing death than have to tolerate a woman with such an attitude.
We don't compare our women with any other women, we wouldn't be with them if they weren't beautiful to us, but insecurity, jealousy those are ugly and make even the most ethereal beautiful woman ugly. It's not your looks that make you ugly OP, it's your attitude, it's your self-obsession, you're complete lack of empathy for anyone else and you will never be good enough for you so how can you be good enough for your boyfriend?
This isn't about porn this about you're self-worth, well sorry OP you're never ever going to compete with the other women we look at too, because until you can see past yourself for once you're never going to get that the world doesn't revolve around you and we can love you more than life itself and still find other girls sexually attractive. Simple as that.
Fix you OP and if you can't find a way of fixing yourself without putting others down then you're a lost cause like all the other women/men that just never get over the fact they will never be "perfect". Well cry me a river, I'm bald, short, used to be very fat and never felt bad about who I was or ugly. If I did, I certainly wouldn't blame anyone else because all that shit would just be in my mind. Besides how can I expect anyone to love me if I can't even love myself? I'd just be like you then, looking for external proof of how shit I am, constantly finding ways to make myself feel like shit. That's not a life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Pornstars are fake in the films in real life they aren't done up like that, they have alot of make-up on. Alot of them just look like normal women without make-up. By the way the make-up they have is the stuff that hides every blemish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): I personally think you are with the wrong man. If you were with a man who didn't have an interest in using porn in a relationship it would not be a problem, you hatred porn and body image problems wouldn't be there.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (13 December 2012):
From all my time on this board, I have concluded two things -
1) Many/most women will never understand a man's use of porn.
2) Many/most women will never understand a man's retroactive jealousy.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
Can we please stop calling porn stars sluts and whores and saying they're "fake?" They are real human beings. I know that if you're feeling insecure about porn, either from watching and not measuring up or your partner watching and you feeling hurt attaching actresses in porn is the easy thing to do, but it's not OK. They are people just trying to make a living.
If you have a problem with porn go after the industry, go after the viewers, go after what really drives it. Don't go after the performers. If you wouldn't go up to a random woman on the street and call her a gendered slur to her face, then you shouldn't be calling porn actresses that either.
Sometimes these porn threads turn into a performer-bashing session and it's just plain sexist to be calling them "sluts" and "whores" like it's just common knowledge. They are just women, just like all the other women you know who do laundry, go grocery shopping, and have families.
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male
reader, Eddy Hannah  +, writes (12 December 2012):
I loved the response from "uncle P.J" Ladie's! that response said it all! we men are, on the whole' simple creature's, we may aspire to want a "brazen hussy" in the bedroom, but we certainly don't want our wive's/girlfriend's acting that way, all the time! It's a man's "fantasy" pure and simple, but, to have his wife/girlfriend being "that way" 24/7, is an absolute no, no! Eddy. U.K
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I get you totally OP. you want to feel like the only girl in the world. My ex was new to relationships and didn't understand porn is a problem. Tell me this though would erotic stories bother you? Or if he was only using his mind those things wouldn't bother me.
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male
reader, Eddy Hannah +, writes (12 December 2012):
Ultimately, a man is, initially, influenced by look's, of a woman, of course, but if he is looking long term, and the longevity of a relationship, certainly in most case's regarding men, there will and has to be, a mental stimulus, compatibility and mutual interest's. I've had relationship's with some cracking looking ladie's, but most of them were quite perplexed, in simple duty's like peeling an egg. Be happy that he's chosen you to hopefully, spend his life with and not some jellyheaded doughnut! Ed. U.K
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): (OP HERE AGAIN)
But you see men see these women as "perfect" or "trophies". Or else, most porn would feature normal looking women, and men wouldn't act so stupid when they see a stripper or surgically enhanced woman.
Sigh. It's just impossible to feel pretty or sexy nowadays, at least for me, int he light of all of this, I just can't compete. I can't. He may not be grossed out by me, but it doesn't mean he thinks I'm the most desirable and to me that's crucial, because he is the most desirable to me.
Thanks everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I can always remember going out my ex friend, lots of men looked at her and it made me think she was prettier or something, not true, truth is she looked EASY, they saw easy lay written all over her. Shit loads of make-up, skirt up her arse, without make-up she was very ordinary. Men think you have got dressed up just for them, that is why they like porn I think because the submission of the women in the vids that they are there for them, they have got all their make-up just for them, when really they are just tricking men out of their money. The nice men liked me because I looked genuine and she didn't. Honestly in real life those women will attract bad attention, men who only want them to look at their body, once that initial stage goes those people will become boring.
From what you have described is the shape of most women. I think it's rare to have massive boobs and little body, it's unnatural.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I had a friend that use to be a striper and then at the age of 29 she married. Old habits die last. She looked like stripper for years to come. She was very tall with a nice lean body, bleached very long hair, LOTS of make up. Don't even know if she was pretty, it was just glamourous look about her, with her disproportional boobs. I stoped going out with her, because of the incredible attention she was getting in a bad way. You know how we say that guys are shy to come up to you, o, they were not shy with her. They actually RAN after her on a street, trying to get her phone number. It was just ridiculous.She used to tell me that noone wants to go out with her, she doesn't know why. O, I think she knew. Who wants to be out with a striper like looking girlfriend, if you are just an average woman, in addition in a relationship.We went out again the last time four girls for someones birthday, and she was with us. The attention of men was just impossible, of course most of it was directed at her. We all pretty, don't think that she is somehow stands out in this area, but there was something about her that men were just jumping on her from everywhere.When i told my husband about it, he was sincerely surprised and said, really, why, I think she looks like a cheap escort.Wouldn't really dwell on the idea about men Fantasizing about Porn stars and their perfect bodies, and thinking that you are somehow is second to them, you are not second to them, you are just not them. My husband also told me that he would never let me leave a house looking like her, because it's just inappropriate:).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Yes, girls are hotter in clubs than your average woman, but also guys there are hotter than your average guy(also someone told me they all gay :)). I went to a strip club long time ago with a bunch of 20-30 years olds. I was at least 10 years older than the oldest in my crowd. Then suddenly all these shaved smooth incredibly ripped guys started coming up to me making all these movements around me, and for some reason girls told me to give them money. Everyone were cheering around me, and I tell you the truth felt very uneasy. I knew why they came up to me, because they saw a woman in her 40 s, and immediately the stereotype came up that I go to these places to admire perfect them, as i don't have it in my life anymore. See, this is all about stereotyping that was projected into our minds by media. It's not a real life, it's just what is going around, and what we see on TV. I wasn't turned on by these guys. All of them in fact did look very gay to me with their waxed chests and legs. Actually I find my husband who is in his 40s also, in excellent shape for his age with hairy chest, and legs are much more attractive than those shaved kittens, no offense, stripper guys.Nor did they seem very handsome or in anyway more perfect than my husband. Yes, they were 20 years younger, looked like they spend their whole life in GYM, looked actually very unnatural to me.I strongly believe that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Dave1982, nice responses, I feel the same.I especially agree with the fact that we women tend to critisize ourselves not realizing that men don't really care about little things that we find in ourselves. Past year in my life was full of some what dramatic for me events.I had an unfortunate tube pregnancy that was detected late and after 4 surgeries, followed by infections, followed by plastic surgeries on a lower part of my body, to be exact my tummy, my thighs and between my legs,all the way down there left me with scars. My plastic sergeant did a great job, scars are healing well and become white , and I can't believe that one day they will be hardly visible.My being just in my 20s, it was a hard blow on my self-esteem. Considering the fact that a man who I got pregnant from is a part of my past now, and I was planning to have a boyfriend or several, really made me depressed. Everytime I liked a guy I remembered my scars and couldn't make myself to have sex anymore.And I m not talking about a little tummy fat or cellulite, I m talking about harsh scars in the most intimAte part of my body.When I met my now boyfriend, I was only 2 months after my surgeries, and after we started dating it's been awhile when I opened up to him. He couldn't understand why I would not let him touch me after 2 months of dating. It was obvious that we were having something nice going on, it was not just about sex, I ve met his family and friends.I had to tell him eventually, and the first time he saw my scars, he just laughed. Is this it?he said, this is what kept us from not having sex? Do you think I can possibly be turned of by something as insignificant as that? He still remembers it after a year how silly it was of me even think that it can turn any guy off. He also added thAt if I covered myself with tattoos, that would be a huge turn off for him, or fake boobs.So you see, we are not perfect, and what is perfect anyway. They tell you on TV that to be perfect is to be thin and flawless. Do you know how thin those porn stars are not to have any folds when they are actually having sex? We went to a bar yesterday with my boyfriend, and he told me look at this girl, she looks like a porn star. A girl was really thin, with fake boobs, hair extensions, fake eyelashes. Well, may be this is what is considered to be "perfect" this days, but both of us didn't think so.To wish that your partner is perfect is just silly and shallow, because most of us are not thin, most of us don't have perfect legs or buts, or boobs.My boyfriend is pretty handsome, but he wishes he had longer legs:) I didn't even notice it until he told me.Also I agree with a poster who said, don't discuss with your partner your appearance, unless you know each other very very well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Male reader from 12 December your views are amazing. You are proof there are people out there who have views similar to us women. Good on you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): FYI, I find porn stars unattractive for the most part because they are so fake. Some guys like that, some don't. I appreciate all types of bodies, there is no right way to look.
I may look at a certain type of woman and think "oh my god that's an amazing looking woman." However I'm married to a pretty but imperfect woman, yet I think she's absolutely gorgeous!
Your boyfriend doesn't sound like a great boyfriend. You probably should cut your losses and find someone who doesn't say mean things about your body knowing how insecure you are about it. It probably wouldn't be too hard to find somebody with the qualities you like in him but without the issues.
I also want to point out that you sound like you've thought this through very well and you know the answers, you just want to hear something that will make you feel better. The truth is that you're probably right, your boyfriend would like to have a porn star looking girlfriend. That doesn't mean he's not happy with the way you look though. Just because you're not perfect doesn't mean you aren't desirable!
You should talk with him about watching porn. I don't find porn to be wrong per se, but it certainly can have a negative impact on a relationship and that makes it bad (performance issues and insecurity being big ones). It's like my wife said to me about me watching porn, "how would you feel if I was watching porn and thinking about how nice it would be to have that huge d!ck inside of me?"
Needless to say I got it!
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male
reader, dave1982 +, writes (12 December 2012):
Eh, only immature men want porn stars. Porn stars and strippers are incredibly raunchy. Men that are "right in the head" prefer women that have had LESS sexual partners, not more lol.
I had typed up a few paragraphs but luckily for you I deleted it... I get a bit technical. Here is something to bear in mind though: Some species of fish are opposite to humans. With humans, the female body is attractive to lure in "the best" males and the male body is just "average" by comparison. With some fish it is the other way around - the males are beautifully decorated and such and the females are not. (Look at Betas, Guppies, etc..) The female fish chooses the most beautiful male in the process of Natural Selection. So when women are upset that this guy's checking out that girl and blah blah... that's how nature intended things to be, so it really ought to simply be overlooked.
What humans have over the other species is knowledge and monogamy. (Hopefully!) So we know VERY well that the "prettiest ones" aren't the right match because since we are monogamous we might get stuck with a real loser if we go by looks alone. But, nonetheless, animal instinct drives us all at our core.
So, in essence he is merely being human. It seems unfortunate, but it isn't - him watching porn or even "checking out other girls" is absolutely no indicator of what he thinks of you. I've known guys with smoking hot girlfriends that went to stripclubs and watched plenty of porn, and I've also known guys with manly girlfriends that didn't watch porn or go to stripclubs.. Heck, I've known plenty of dudes with gorgeous girlfriends that cheated on them with so hideous women..
Now, his comment about your looks... Bad answer, but bad question. Honestly, a woman should never ever ever ask her guy if she is attractive, looks fat, etc... it just should never be asked or else your relationship will probably go very sour very soon after. Afterall, his primary reason for being with you SHOULDN'T BE YOUR LOOKS. We aren't fish or primates afterall...
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2012):
Your boyfriend sounds like an ass to be honest. He seems to have absorbed every possible negative message from porn and treats you like you would expect a guy raised on porn to treat a woman. Like a sex toy to live out his porn fantasies who doesn't have emotions. You tell him you are not happy with his porn sex and he gets upset with you rather than fixing it. I mean who wants their sex toy to talk back?
This jerk is not worth your time at all. What kind of idiot actually tells his girlfriend he finds porn women hotter than his own girlfriend?! My boyfriend will barely even admit he finds other women attractive at all and tells me I'm the most beautiful woman on the planet frequently. Of course I'm not the most beautiful woman on the planet (duh) but I am to him and he is the most attractive man to me.
A guy who actually cares about you would never say something so atrocious and would actually care about how you feel during sex. Your boyfriend thinks you are a thing to have sex with. You can do so much better. What a jerk he is.
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Honestly I learned and experience that the ladies that are so attractive to most men have real bad attitudes causd they get treated not so good by these men. They are very catty and some are very gross and out of pocket. Then they can be very mean and.selfish. You can get a present all wrapped up nicely decorated and the gift is not what you want. What's important is the core.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): (THIS IS THE OP... AGAIN)
dave1982 wrote:
"P.S. Be very careful when pleasuring yourself while thinking about "real people" that you aren't in a relationship with. The human mind has trouble differentiating between fact and fantasy and it will actually believe subconsciously that you "did something" with that person. Which can cause one to act differently toward that person.."
How can this not make you act different towards your partner when you watch porn??? Your mind will think you had sex with the pornstar and subconsciously by contrast you will find that your partner is less attractive.
This is so depressing. It seems I will always be second best to some slut on tape, because if my boyfriend ever finds someone like that (slim chance, but certainly possible), he'll levae me? Damn!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): (THIS IS THE OP)It's just like I said for me the appreciation of a hot actor is non sexual, I don't feel all hot and horny if I see a shirtless picture or sex scene with Brad Pitt. I can objectively see he's attractive, but my body doesn't respond sexually. I don't masturbate over him 'cause it does nothing for me. But my boyfriend DOES masturbate and cum while watching them = sexual appreciation. I just feel so inferior because no guy I know thinks porn stars are gross, even thoug they know they're fake, and also because my friends usually say that sometimes they prefer going to strip clubs because, in their words: "the chicks are hotter than real life women and it's less of a hassle to get their attention, sure it's expensive and they're really actually only after your money, but the cost/benefit is greater 'cause it's less work for a hotter chick". I'm afraid my boyfriend is the same, I mean the country I live in, the city I live in is pretty sexist (I live in a mining area). Also my boyfriend and I often have very "porny" sex, I can tell he gets the ideas from porn, and I guess it's understandable since before me he had little experience with real sex... but sometimes the sex is as mechanical as porn (BJ/intercourse/cum on face or breasts). It's like he's not very creative and I've tried telling him but sometimes he gets offended. It also seems he thinks all it takes to pleasure a woman is replicate moves from sex. That's why I often wonder if, in his young teenage years, porn shaped his expectations about women's bodies.I actually asked him once if he'd like it if I looked like a porn star and he said "No, 'cause you'd be hotter and all guys would be after you". I felt hurt and asked him if he thought porn stars were hotter and he said "Yes, it's their job to be. I love you for you, not your looks. I'm not the smartest man and I'm OK with that, so what? Get over it". It was a while ago and when I told him how I felt he apologized and took it back, but I don't really think it's the case because if he said so he must've meant it and he must have only taken it back to spare my feelings.
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male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 I thought I'd add a male viewpoint on this although it somewhat correlates with what has already been said. For me, and probably most guys, watching porn is a slight escapism with the obvious pleasuring aspect.
In reality, everyday life or however you'd like to put it. Girls with fake breasts, tattoos, extra piercings or just being generally slutty repulse me to no end and I'd never consider a relationship with a girl like that or even have sex with her if the opportunity ever arose.
But it is these differences that serve to 'relieve' our needs so to speak. Why would we want to fantasise over someone 'real'? We have the everyday girl and love the everyday girl, which is why we don't need to fantasise over it.
Fake girls serve to do one thing, perform a sex act on film for us to get a quick fix. Imagine if we did fantasise over someone similar to the woman we already had, it's almost be like fantasising over a friend of hers which is plain wrong.
As for the sizing of women, you need to remember that guys generally class themselves as either an ass man, boob man or leg man. A stupidly skinny girl is never going to have big or even medium sized boobs unless they're surgically enhanced, which again we're not a huge fan of. That same girl will have the smallest bum in the world, we like to see some sort of round shape not a pelvic shape. We also don't want to see legs that are as thin as a wooden spoon.
So please don't ever think that you're not good looking enough. You don't have to compete with these stupid enhanced women, you've already won. If we really wanted one of those girls we'd do all we could to get one, not settle for something else. We want girls like you, normal down to earth with stunning natural beauty and actually a personality to match. I hope this helps and makes you feel less insecure within yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I think in the same way you do about some things, but porn isn't just about typically hot women... it's about anything that a person might be turned on by. There is something for everyone, some people like looking at amateurs not everyone likes the dolled up to the eyeballs glamour look.
As people are saying here I've seen the programs about glamour modelling their breasts are morphed in photoshop to look better. Some people do not like the stripper look, some people don't like the enhanced barbie look.
Some pornstars are right hounds though, I know someone who is a stripper and she is quite ugly lol
I have had too many problems with porn to date another user, so the next guy will have to have the check.
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Nearly every guy watches porn, or so it is accepted, but that doesnt stop guys loving, lusting after, and wanting sex with a woman! Anyone with common sense knows that not everyone is going to look or do it like a porn star, and anyone that expects sex to be like porn has not had an experienced sex life Or a decent basic sex education! Its the same with women, we like film stars and book characters but we know in reality not every guy is like mr darcey and we cant compare our sexual experiences to a sex scene from a movie. So if you are second best to a porn star in a guys estimation, then he is sheltered, naive, inexperienced and unrealistic in his expectations. But few guys are actually like that.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (11 December 2012):
OP everyone is different. I think I dont fit in the mainstream male category as I find those perfect porn stars you describe quite a turn off. I like normal looking girls that remind me of my wife, yes small boobs a bit of tummy fat, but not much cellulite if shes been working out. The thing is everyone is different and what we need to get turned on to masterbate quickly is not always what we want in the person we love. But my real question is why is your guy looking at porn at all if you are around? I certainly only watch it when I am alone for a few days. Maybe you both need more real sex, maybe watch the porn together and find out what turns him on, it might help you learn more about him, and could just lead to you having some great sex together and hopefully you will come to realise that the porn models dont have a chance compared to the real live you!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2012):
to add to the last poster... not only do they have trainers... etc.. they are so incredibly photo shopped (do a google search for photoshopped models) that even they find themselves to be an ideal they can't reach.
They smooth their skin, they round their bums.. they push up the boobs.. take a bit more off the thighs and waists...
WOMEN are supposed to have body fat. WOMEN have little poochy bellies... they are supposed to be softer, rounder and smooshier than men.... and these bone skinny models are not that thin in real life nor are they anywhere near perfect.
One of my hubby's favorite porn stars has a picture that was not photoshopped.. she has a poochy tummy and zits on her butt.... seriously... I know this because I've seen the picture...
Let me tell you that I'm 52, I have wrinkles, gray hair and I'm a few pounds overweight (well more than 5) but I have sex appeal and men after me... and I'm married... WHY do men find me sexy? Because I know that I"m attractive and I'm natural and normal. Most of the men I know when they see a bone skinny girl make a face.. they want to feed her and fatten her up.
When I was a size 4 2 summers ago I thought I looked GREAT. My husband was so happy when I picked up some weight... I had tiny perky boobs from surgery and a flat concave surgically fixed belly... guess what... now that I'm softer and smooshier.. he's happier... go figure.
SEX appeal is in your brain honey.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (11 December 2012):
 You are just like any other woman who compares her imperfect body to that of women on tv or magazines. You say they aren't fantasy and they are real women, that is true to an extent. But you have to remember that these women have fitness trainers, they work their asses off year round to have the body that they do. They have fake hair extensions. Tons of make up. Most have breast implants. Some even ass implants. So the beauty is definitely fake. If you had the means that they do you would look just as good, it's just that normal women do not have all of that. Normal women have real jobs and lives where looks aren't the main focus. I read an article once where Jennifer Anniston spends over $5000 a month on skin treatments alone. Ridiculous right? I haven't spent $5000 on beauty products in 24 years let alone one month.
Men like to look at nice bodies just like you look at nice bodies. You said so yourself, Brad Pitt is attractive but you don't want to date or be with him. So why can't your boyfriend find 'insert name here' attractive and not want to date her? Most men with a brain know women in porn are fake as hell, body parts/makeup/hair. Why would they want to date that over you? They wouldn't. Your boyfriend isn't perfect and you wouldn't dump him for a perfect body so why think a guy would do it to you? Just because someone is attractive to look at doesn't mean they want to date them.
I'm not agreeing with porn in relationships, I'm just trying to help with your negative body image. You should never compare yourself to what you see on tv. And just because your boyfriend likes to see attractive people doesn't mean he dislikes you or would prefer them. Personality matters more than anything in relationships and looks can only get you so far anyway. You can be super hot but bat shit crazy and I promise you that you will get dumped. Love is about far more than just looks. He doesn't prefer the hot chick in porn over you and wouldn't leave you for her. And he isn't settling for you because he can't have a porn chick any more than you are settling for him because you can't have a hot guy actor. He wants to be with you because he loves you and you alone.
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A
male
reader, dave1982 +, writes (11 December 2012):
Well, it's good to see that you understand your dillema: "men operate so differently to women". See, most women don't seem to understand how amazing the female body is. For example, you might see some supermodel and compare yourself to her. Well, a guy isn't doing that. The female body is an amazing thing and seeing one that's "flawless" is wonderful. But, at the same time most women don't understand that even the "average" female still looks great!See, women over analyze how they look whereas men look at women and if they are attractive then - well, they are attractive! Yes, if your boyfriend had a pornstar after him he would probably go for the porn star - but that's how things work in life, most people go for whoever seems to be the best opportunity for them without realizing the consequences. But, to clear up the confusion - porn stars are not "real people". They are people but they are doing fictitious acts as actors for the viewer's pleasure. It's kinda the idea like video games where you do things vicariously - but that doesn't mean that "your" girlfriend doesn't turn you on!P.S. Be very careful when pleasuring yourself while thinking about "real people" that you aren't in a relationship with. The human mind has trouble differentiating between fact and fantasy and it will actually believe subconsciously that you "did something" with that person. Which can cause one to act differently toward that person...
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