A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:I have been seeing my lovely girlfriend for a couple of months and all has been great. She was with a bad guy before and i do treat her well, how she deserves and it's very sweet but she seems to think i am " the perfect guy" .We see each other most days and we are going away to Florida soon and we had a lovely weekend together. We went for dinner with her family and then we left and had a walk in some woods and i went home about 9pm. We spoke on the phone before bed and she text me goodnight and that she was so lucky and i'm so perfect for her , just before bed. So all good, right?I woke up at 6am for the gym and she had updated her fb status in the early hours to " why did you lie to me, you are just like the rest!!! " I was like ... whoa... she didn't pick up my calls but then she messaged me and i asked her what it was all about. She told me that she had gone onto my fb to frape me and read some messages ( from January) about a girl i had been seeing that i never told her about and also that i had pictures on there with my ex that i had locked so only me could see them.The truth is, yes, i had seen someone but it was months before we met. I never cheat and yes, i did have the pics set to locked, but it was just until i get around to deleting them.I told her that she had no right to be mad at me as i hadn't done anything - it wasn't like i had a message sent to a girl from 2 days ago saying " Sex with you is great, i can't let my gf find out" etc. No nothing like that. If i had something to hide ( which i don't) i would not let her have my fb password would i? I told her this and i said how she had upset me by just jumping to conclusions and she said that she felt maybe she was a rebound or a stop gap. That's just crazy. I told her this and she messaged me before work saying " Ben i am so sorry, i didn't mean to upset you and i don't think you are like the rest..you don't deserve all this so i will understand if you will like to call it a day...i promise you have done nothing, you do make me really happy" I know it sounds silly but this has really upset me that she would just think all this crazy stuff without asking me first. I don't want to drag this out as i never argue and i am so chilled out but i don't wan to just roll over like some chump anyway. I am seeing her for dinner tonight so shall i just back off a bit today and let her think about it all?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 May 2012):
An argument like this can’t really get pushed aside without dealing with it. Firstly, she should apologise if she’s not already done so. Secondly, you need to have a conversation about trust in the relationship. You can’t continue with a relationship where she flies in to a ridiculous rage whenever she sees something on a social networking site that’s old news anyway. I’m confused as to why she has your password anyway: is this really healthy, hacking and snooping in to some-one’s Facebook page? Do you have her password? First thing to do is change your passwords, and agree not to give them to each other. If you can’t do that, your relationship’s a bit of a joke anyway, to be blunt. Any relationship where you need to spy and snoop like this is completely ridiculous, and if she’s insecure anyway because of how she’s been treated in the past, it’s a recipe for disaster. Secondly, tell her that you are completely faithful to her and that you want to be with her, and that you expect her to trust you over this. Thirdly, tell her that you trust her too, and agree a way that, in future, either of you can broach any issues and disagreements in such a way as to initiate a sensible conversation. How you do that is up to you, but writing it as a Facebook status is definitely a terrible idea. You both need to find a way of making sure you’re in tune with how the other person is feeling, and you also need to draw a line under the past: she can’t compare you to her previous boyfriends whenever there’s a problem, or make reference to your previous relationships. Focus on the here and now.I wish you all the very best.
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