A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,It's been nearly 6 years since I started dating my gf. We've been each other's first serious partner, and, as you might have guessed, we've gone through a lot together. We're almost 22 now. We've had our little troubles, yes. I broke up once (about 1 year after we started) for about 4 months, then chased after her until i had her again. We've been together ever since.We never had big fights, or get along in a bad way. I enjoy being with her alot, we get along really well. She is a really nice person, lots of qualities that every guy would like. She is, certainly, the best person i know and trust her entirely.The first time we broke up, she tried to kill herself (at the time, she was going through a depression, caused by family problems) so she grew quite dependent on me. She has now dealt with it and says that won't happen again, which I believe is true: teenager years are hard on us all.Now I feel like that love is gone. Kisses don't mean as much as they used to before. Those "I love you" she says don't make me feel better or worse. So I wonder, don't I love her any more? I know she still loves me a lot, and I also care a lot for her. I would be really devastated if something happened to her. On the other hand, we both have talked a bit about it and agree that we should have dated more with other people and experimented more. What are your thoughts?Thanks in advance!(I'm sorry if my english is a bit confusing btw :) I'll try to explain something if it's not clear)
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female
reader, traycee! +, writes (5 January 2010):
I often think if you have to ask these questions at all then you have most definately came to some sort of turning point and often the answer is there in front of your eyes you sometimes just need that little chat to nudge you in the direction you want to go anyway. I have two friends who have gone out since we were in high school and that sees them together for over twenty years. They are both as happy as ever and never seem to consider life without one and other, they seem to both accept that this was the way life was meant for them and they remain happy with their three kids and onto their second dog. I however have never found anyone with whom I felt that I wanted to look towards te end of my days and still imagine them by my side. Love does fade, it either fades into a diluted sort of loe with perhaps not so much in the way of passion, but more of the caring kind, and the thought of anything happening to that person would crack you up. You also have that fading love that doesn't so much dilute but completely dries up and left behind are two sticks rubbing together which through tme will burst into flames. The latter to you does not seem to apply, however there seems to be no metaphoric flames at all from the vibes I'm getting. I aways think the final decision has to be up to the individual, but remember if you don't feel like you can sustain a flow of positive love which can only be a good thing in the relationship, then you must think of the other person and how setting them free will then allow them to go off and find the same in a partnership as they give out. You can then do the same and although it seems scarey today, in the future there will be four happy people somewhere, rather than this one at the moment. goodluck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies! very much apreciated!
I wish i didn't have these doubts, she is so nice to me, i really have nothing to blame her for. She is a bit insecure though, and i dont know if we can have that conversation without her closing in...
It's true ginalolabridga said, i do take her for granted. She just spoils me with everything she can do. But still, i don't have that feeling that she IS the one without a single doubt. I'm fighting for her and really i just wished i didn't have these doubts!
Slightly different matter wich makes me blush a little :) : She has told me she feels atracted to other females and has kissed another girl before and enjoyed it. I honestly think she's Bi, wich is tottally fine by me, and she agrees. I would like that she would come to know herself a little better, and have that experience again on her own with another women, to the extent she would like. No, I'm not saying a threesome, just her and another girl on their own!
What do you think? should I encourage her to find more about herself or it's not really up to me? Honestly, I think it would be good for her, otherwise she'll just never know and keep fantasizing (is that word correct??) about it!
Sorry for the long text, and thanks again girls, it's good to hear an unbiased opinion!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): i'm 22 and have been w/ my boyfriend for four years…every relationship has the potential to get stale…it's not uncommon…and nowhere in the rule book does it say that you HAVE to fool around w/ a lot of people to find your prince charming and be satisfied…i'm the only girl my bf has ever been w/ and he's perfectly content at that and it doesn't bother him…
have open communication with her…tell her how you feel…kisses can get boring for anyone after a long period of time…your brain isn't going to produce as much dopamine (a happy chemical) later in a relationship…you've become comfortable w/ one another…so that nervousness and new excitement has gone away…so boring kisses in old relationships can be typical and a physiological fact…take your time when you kiss…be a little shy about it…start a new hobby together…something that the two of you might not normally do…DON'T give up! love is worth fighting for!
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