A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a complicated, intertwined one, so be ready. It started about one year ago, when I started noticing this guy in the grade above me. I didn't like him, I just noticed him. We just had common interests, thats all. I didnt know him and the only connection I had was one of my friends, who sometimes talked about him. This friend and I became better friends, and then his friends and I started becoming friends. His friends insisted that I was his twin, exactly like him. I kind of forgot that I was semi-interested in him before our friends brought it to my attention that we were so similar. I now find it crazy that everything worked out like it did. Anyhow, we never hung out. I dont know why. He just never seemed to be around. Then, one night, we had this party, and he showed up. I got pretty tipsy and we talked a little bit, he was pretty nice to me. But after that, it was a while until I saw him again [outside of school]. He then drove me to a party, during the summer, and we didnt really talk. He showed me how to smoke weed [sorry for the drug reference, it had to be done] but that was it, really. My friends all wanted 'us' to happen, but I said no. He said he would want to, but didnt want to take advantage of me, because I was drunk and he wasnt. I didnt believe him. I still think it was just an excuse. So then, we were all in the hot tub one night, and again, I got drunk. Again. I regret being drunk all the time, I really do. Anyway, we made out, but only because of some rigged game. Although we both generally agreed upon it, game or no game. My friend gave him my number, but my phone was broken for the next few days, so by the time I got it back, nothing couldve been said. I never saw him again, actually. He went to college. His messages were so mixed. My friends would make hints that he was into me, and they said he was all weird and nervous that one time he drove me. Once when I left this place early, his friend said something about us going and he said 'oh no, already?' And he confessed that he once asked this customer where he worked if she had a daughter who went to our school because he thought it could be my mom. I know that sounds normal on the outside, but think about it. He had to at least have me on his mind, right? Oh, actually, I did see him after the hot tub night. I want to hit myself, the only times I hung out with him, I was inebriated. We talked a tiny bit about something mundane, I think cigarettes. But he left early. I just cant help but think he mustve gotten fed up with my constant drunkness and actually never cared. But he shouldnt be one to talk, he does a lot too. So I dont think thats the reason. I mean, Im obviously naive and inexperienced in these things. Was it that I just happened to be there, and he just thought why not? For all I know, he couldve cared, he just had no clue how to show it. Because I had no clue how to show it. I dont know. He could actually hate me. I dont know. But here's my problem. He's been at college for almost two months. I still haven't moved on. I haven't really gone into detail as to how much I was infatuated with the boy, but I was. Correction; still am. I thought I shouldn't be dwelling on it, and he should be out of my mind, but my friends/his friends came home from college this weekend to visit, and they still teased me about me and him. So basically, all I want to know is.. is it horrible that I'm not over him yet? Should I really attempt to get over him once and for all and never go back to it, or should I not give up yet? I'm kind of in limbo right now. I'm not really waiting for him, per se, and I'm not expecting anything if I do see him again, but I don't want to just leave it. I want to know what exactly happened. And I'd at least like some closure, if it were to go that way. I dont knowww. Any experiences like this?
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female
reader, *brea//babbby. +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Personally, Just wing it. Message him and ask if you can hang out sometime or something just to talk, or just randomly ask; did you ever think of me, more than friends?
you have nothing to lose. good luck, much love.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): One thing first: don't let your freinds or their friends govern what you think. Don't don't blow them off, either.
Try to get in touch with him. Don't apologize right away if you feel guilty about your behavior. I noticed his behavior did point to him being open to you, being open to accept you or not, depending on how you felt. He probably left early because, if he cared about you, he didn't like to see you drunk, and didn't want to take advantage of you. He wanted to be with you when you were yourself. The weed issue was him probably bringing up something he thought you might be alright with, since he doesn't seem to like drinking (props to him). He could just be a little hesitant, not wanting to go headfirst because he doesn't want anything bad to happen (hurting your or his feelings, for example). In any case, if you need advice, find someone you trust whose opinion on the subject would be objective, whose advice would not be influenced by anything personal. But what it all boils down to is this: if you are so hung up on this guy (who seems decent) that's perfectly understandable. I'd be confused if I was in your shoes. If you are hung up on him, casually get in touch with him. Get your feet wet, don't just stand on the side shivering. If you try, what's the worst that could happen? He seems too good a guy to be really rude, and if he does turn you down, so what? You will know something you don't now. You have just as good or better a chance to get to know him as a person. Who knows? Maybe the two of you are destiny's pick.
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