A
female
age
41-50,
*irenaBlusera
writes:Hey guys,I'm an agony aunt on this site, but now I'm in need of help.I studied abroad in Spain (I did a Tefl course) and I got back a few months ago... the trouble is, I fell in love with Spain and now half my heart is over there. I'd give anything to go and live there. I just feel like I belong in Spain or some other latin country. I honestly think I was born the wrong nationality and that I should have been Hispanic. People say, "Aren't you grateful that you went?" And of COURSE I'm grateful. They just don't understand... I left half my heart there and of course I long to go back. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful; it means that I'm in love with Spain, naturally I'm sad that it's gonna be so hard to get back even for a little while, let alone for good. I'm from USA but I've lived in two different latin countries... now that I'm back I'm having a really rough time readjusting. It's more than that. I don't belong in USA and I would like to live in a Hispanic country forever. I realize how difficult this is, but if it were easy, I wouldn't be on this site... I'd be back in Spain or Mexico.I studied abroad in Mexico several years ago and I got back from studying abroad in Spain. Bother were awesome experiences, but here's the problem: I have had an extremely difficult time readjusting. When I studied abroad in Mexico, I felt the sense of belonging and acceptance that I never felt in USA. I fell in love with Mexico, in spite of its problems it's an awesome place. I always felt at home there. Then I returned to the USA and I felt depressed and out of place. It's been over five years and I still have these weird sentimental feelings about Mexico, like it's really my home.It's more than just reverse culture shock and a matter of readjusting; I don't belong here in USA; half my heart is in Mexico and half my heart is in Spain. I'm not putting USA down but the thought of being here for the rest of my life makes me very depressed. I would like to go live in a Hispanic country forever. Before I ever set foot out of the United States, I had very similar feelings to what I'm experiencing now. I feel like I was meant to have been Hispanic. I'm from Florida and I remember having this feeling that I didn't belong and that I was supposed to be somewhere else. Other kids didn't accept me and everyone thought I was weird. I used to read about Mexico and Spain and wish with all my heart I were there. I feel that I was meant to have been Spanish, Mexican or something else Hispanic. My mom says, "You can't read just to the culture here, so maybe you should never have studied abroad." But the fact is, I just don't belong here and never did.There are some really nice people here in the USA but there are nice and not so nice people everywhere, but when all's said and done, I just don't belong here at all!As a US citizen it's gonna be very difficult for me to get permission to stay in Spain longer than three months. When I was in Spain I did a Tefl course, and I successfully passed all the requirements and I have a Tefl certificate now. If I could get back to Mexico I could easily get a job teaching EFL. It wouldn't pay a lot but I don't care. I can't do Tefl in the long term; it's not particularly lucrative. But I don't know what else I could do abroad; I'd feel guilty about taking a job away from a local. It's gonna be nearly impossible for me to work legally in Spain. I'm going to try but I feel so frustrated.I got into Tefl partly because after I studied abroad, I came back home and I just wasn't ready to close the book on traveling and seeing the world and partly because I missed Mexico so much and this was a way to go back.I'm feeling sad and discouraged.Thank you, though to the friends here who have encouraged me in the past, I really am grateful!!Thanks in advance for reading this.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the question Reverse culture shock was really horrible for me. I didn't have any trouble adjusting to Spain and Mexico but readjusting nearly killed me. I think some people are born the wrong nationality or ethnicity. Just like some people are born the wrong sex.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGetting married might not be a bad idea. Thanks for listening to me and for the advice, it's not that I don't appreciate it... do you think any Spanish guy would marry me just to be getting married to me? Just curious.
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 Oh my God.I SO understand you! I'm Greek and I lived in Greece but all my life I fantasized about america. I have american friends,my culture is american and I cant stand living in Greece anymore.I feel so sad and I just cant connect to greek people.Yesterday when I was out clubbing someone asked me if im american.i love my country and my heritage but i dont wanna live here. Some time ago i lived abroad and when i came back the culture shock was phenomenal! I suggest you go to the extreme to achieve your goal.Offer a spanish man money so he can marry you and get a visa. I know it sounds mad,but a lot of people do it...
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (21 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't mean to post that twice. What happened?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (21 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think that Mexican men and Spanish men are really handsome.
I just don't feel attractive enough for one of them to be interested in me.
Thanks for the advice, anon. Yea, if I were to teach EFL oversseas, that's one of the few jobs where I wouldn't be taking a job away from a local. The schools look for a teacher with a native accent, so they are gonna either hire an American, or someone else from an anglophone country. I'm just not sure if EFL is the long term answer. There are things I'm good at and feel guilty about wasting my talents but don't know how to employ them in Mexico and still give back
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (21 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI clarify... I'm not sure how the mods picked this title.
"I feel as if I should be Hispanic..."
My problem is, that I just don't belong in USA and I'd like to live in a Latin country.
I wish there were a magic spell to make me Hispanic, but there are no magic spells, so... that's not my question.
I'm certainly NOT racist or putting other groups of people down, I just wish I were latin because I've always been attracted to Latin guys and it would make things easier. I feel really discouraged sometimes because most people wanna date "their own kind" and think I'm weird.
I just want to live in a Latin country... I'm not putting the USA down but I just don't belong here. I can't be myself here. My heart is in Latin culture.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (21 March 2010):
SirenaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI clarify... I'm not sure how the mods picked this title.
"I feel as if I should be Hispanic..."
My problem is, that I just don't belong in USA and I'd like to live in a Latin country.
I wish there were a magic spell to make me Hispanic, but there are no magic spells, so... that's not my question.
I'm certainly NOT racist or putting other groups of people down, I just wish I were latin because I've always been attracted to Latin guys and it would make things easier. I feel really discouraged sometimes because most people wanna date "their own kind" and think I'm weird.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Hi again, I believe I have read previous posts from you. If I was in your shoes I'd stop thinking about it all the time and just do it. It is what will make you happy. Don't feel sad about that poor local you take a job away from, americans complain all the time about the mexicans taking their jobs away, so you're not really doing anything different from what mexicans themselves do. And what people all over the globe do for that matter. Get that job and move!
Then look into possibilities to go to Spain again, and take things from there. Dont be negative, just do it!
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