A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where do I begin.At the moment all I do is exist. I only have one close friend, never had a girlfriend. I sit at my computer all night because I havent got anything to do with my time. I sleep as long as possible just so I dont have to face another day. All my life the only thing I ever wanted was a group of friends to have a good time with and a girlfriend. I'm a nice guy who just doesn't know how to socialise and make friends. If they speak to me first I can talk to them. I never ask for a number or move things into a friend zone because I dont believe that I'm a worthy person to have friends and people can do much better than settling for me. I feel like I am imposing myself on someone.It's at the stage where I feel awful to be alive every day. When I see couples I feel really jealous, when I setup facebook it just serves to remind me of how much better peoples lives are than mine.To make things worse my 21st is coming up and everyone in my family had a big party. When my family asked why I dont want a party I just tell them I'm not a party person and all the time I'm fighting back the tears and want to breakdown and tell them I dont have any friends.I have lost all motivation to make my life better, I feel completely powerless. I'm just watching my life fade away.I don't really know what to ask, does anyone have any ideas how I can pull my life together short of a miracle?
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female
reader, marietomates  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 You've got to shake yourself out of it. Step out of your comfort zone and I promise you won't regret it. Without knowing more details about your life here are some suggestions: start going for walks, it's not going to help you meet people but it's good to be out in nature and the fresh air and you can think about anything you want and just walk - clear your head. it's hard to make friends, but it's not impossible and people do it everyday. do you have coworkers? neighbors? try getting a couple people to go drink beer and shoot pool, or something like that. try finding groups in the community or volunteer organizations, there really are endless opportunities if you look for them. craigslist might be a good place to start. as far as women go - a lot of times the best relationships start out on the friend level. it's easy to get down on yourself and only focus on the negative, but it sounds like you have a family that really cares about you and if you put a little effort out there you'll make some great friends. Don't be scared, just be confident and relaxed and try to enjoy yourself. You only live once, make it count. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): wow! i know EXACTLY how you feel b/c i am literally in the same exact situation you're in. it's bad i know. like you, i only have one close friend and never had a girlfriend. what kind of girl wants someone like us who are awful at socializing and have no big group of friends right? yes i know how you feel. like you, i feel like i'm just existing and my day consists of me waking up after a long days sleep and then firing up my Playstation 3 to play video games and to surf the net. like you, i get jealous when i see couples too and when i read here on Dear Cupid about all of the fun boys my age (20) are having with their friends and girlfriends, going out partying, having rough sex and all of that goodness. it serves to remind me how miserable my life is and how much i'm missing out on. the reason i'm telling you this is to let you know you're not alone in feeling this way my friend. so perhaps you could take solace in that. you are not alone.
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A
male
reader, travelmate37  +, writes (2 July 2009):
You know what you want - you just need a plan and the will to make it happen.
1st - lose the computer
2nd - engage in situations/activites that require social interaction - ie sport.
3rd - you have a close friend. Go out with them to somewhere social and specifically ask to go and meet new people. Doesn't mean be the life of the group but get into the habit of being with people, have a drink (moderation) and enjoy the group and music going on. Become aware of whats going on and what you dont know in order to ask questions - to engage the other people.
4th - if you see someone chatting up a girl and doing well at it, ask them about their 'technique'. It will at least get you talking to someone and into that habit.
Once you appear to others to be approachable (wear a smile) you'll be surprised how many people will talk to you. NOW if you are scared to just talk to someone - you must practice this. At the very worst they'll walk away (the problem isnt you it will be them so allow them to fail to help them feel better).
I know this seems simplistic and it wont make you the person you want to be overnight - but each journey begins with the smallest of steps. Like you, after finidng myself alone after a marriage breakdown, I was in the same position. I honed my skills (like I have described) in a chat room. I unlocked myself before getting into the 'real' world. It took a while, but I havent looked back.
Best of luck - start the journey - keep updating your progress
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A
female
reader, lovnlife +, writes (2 July 2009):
sometimes i think people think to hard on thing i mean you sound like a normsl person who is just down right now what does your close friend say about how you feel and you should not feel like you just exist i went through something simular and it does get better i was tired of the same routine and my close friends where always calling telling me about how much fun that had doing this and that it got to the point i wouldnt even answer the phone when i got to my breaking point i got up and said this aint for me you have to find that strenght that will allow you to go out and force yourself to start taking the first step you might mess out on your future wife or best friend just try it cant hurt
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