A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, could someone please give me some advice here. I have been with my partner now for 2 years. I moved area and job and all my friends to be with him. he has 2 children from a previous marriage. He sees them a lot but they are not easy kids. they want constant attention and they fight and get their own way and even go to bed when they like, there is no structure. He doesnt want any more children and i have always wanted another one. mine are grown up now. he does not want to get married again as his ex cheated on him and the divorce cost him a lot of money. he owns his house outright and i too own a property which im renting out. we talked about buying a house together which he said he would but i overheard a conversation with his mother saying he would never give it up and he had to protect himself.he says he loves me but if i dont like the way things are and im not happy then its up to me what i do. i give him money towards bills and food. i feel more like a lodger. im about to leave and move back to where my family are and they are being supportive. he has just had a career change as he was in the forces and wanted to get an every day job to be at home more but he has take a job working away during the week, when he is back at the weekend his time istaken with the kida and they live 2 hours away so all weekend travelling back and forth as they have activities to attend. i feel all alone but i dont want to leave. i love him dearly. he thinks im leaving today and he hasnt been in touch. he rang me yesterday to say he wasnt kicking me out but he knows im not happy and he says he doesnt know what he wants. he hasnt tried to stop me. please help. what should i do x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): thankyou for all your answers. im still sat here, not eating or sleeping hoping he will be in touch and not want me to leave. think im kidding myself. he knows i have to go to work here at the moment until i can transfer and i asked by text yesterday if i could stay here til then, he just said yeah thats fine. i think maybe i have my answer
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): There is a saying ;you get what you see. It sounds like he is not giving you what you want, and most likely he won't. I think you made a right desicion, don't settle, he sounds like a very tired from life man, who just wants piece after divorce, and is not willing to compromise for the sake of a woman. Unfortunatelly, he will have trouble of getting a life time partner with that attitude. Of-course you can do whatever you want, as he said, but he is not even trying to stop you from leaving. Then leave, you'll find someone more pationate than him.
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A
female
reader, samyum  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Make a date with him,go out for tea or a picnic somewhere away from the everyday surroundings ,and have some fun and TALK
Just like the kids are scheduled in you need to make a positive move for yourself, and schedule your time with him remember its not the quantity of time its the quality of time you spend together that will make it
Find something you love to do when the kids are down then you wont have to feel so much in your face competition
Its hard immigrating all our lives I know but sometimes we have to make sacrifices I know you said you have already done that
See if he is willing to put some effort in as well,but you have to talk because as I have found out and we really all know men do not think like us girls
But they love & need us, he is probably feeling just as confused as you .
I wish you all the luck inthe world and sending over the angels to help you :)stay strong and stand up and fight what you want
You say you love him dearly that sounds like a great start
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): I get the feeling this guy has been using you like a 'cushion' on life. You have taken on a lot with his children and yet he seems to take you for granted. I think he is not ready for a relationship of commitment - maybe he just needs to focus on his children for another 10 years or so? I don't think this man is giving you what you want and deserve in a relationship - so perhaps he is right. The fact you overheard this conversation with his mother proves he is not about to commit to you. Furthermore, I'm afraid his recent acceptance of a job which takes him away during the week could be the final straw. I think its time for you to move on - he does not want the same things in life. If you conform to his needs any more you will lose your sense of self altogether along with your happiness.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Hun, Your bf is trying to do the best he can with juggling his relationship with you and his kids... I can understand his hesitancy in committing to marriage, and if you do want to have more of a comitted relationship without him worrying about losing his assets if you split up, well then go and see a lawyer and have an agreement drawn up - stating exactly who owns what and who is responsible for what... hence protecting yourself and each other.
I think that with all that has been going on in your lives, you have both drifted apart and you need to work towards reconnecting again. Maybe invest some time in going to a relationship counsellor.
This man sounds like he is a good man trying his hardest. Please dont listen to what other people say - his mother is probably still angry at her ex daughter in law for cheating on her son, so sees all women in the same light.
Hun, you have also given up a lot, rather have a good try at sorting things out and if it means that he doesnt marry you but is willing to commit to being with you as a life partner... surely that is good enough?
Honeygirl
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