A
female
age
41-50,
*ryingtounderstand
writes:So tonight my boyfriend and I broke up, but I'm confused about the whole situation. Over the whole of our relationship he's sort of imposed his ideas (not living together / not wanting children / not wanting to plan for the future etc) and I pretty much took them on board, more for the fact that I've never been so set in my ideas to worry too much than I've felt like I was giving everything up. Over the last few months I realised he has become kind of dictating, and then last week it came to me that I didn't need to accept a future if I didn't want to. So we talked, he sort of agreed with what I said and then just left. I wanted a sign of committment (I feel like he's moving on without me in his life) and his response was to not hug me / kiss me / say much, instead to just leave. My upset at this didn't seem to affect him. Is he heartless (he never seemed like this in our relationship) or what is going on? I asked for commitment (of any sort - not just traditional like marriage) and it seems I meant so little that he'd rather just abandon us than look to sort this out. He's not answering his phone, and I feel abandoned for wanting a serious relationship. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): he's a classic commitment phobe. yuk. He's soooo not worth your time if he treats you this way. I was in a similar predicament, wanting commitment, him not and in the end he broke my heart and i thought i'd never find anyone. well, two weeks later i've got several hot dates and i just forgot about old whathisname. So forget this guy, he's not at the same emotional maturity level that you are, whatever. There are other guys out there who are looking for something rather than just fun and no strings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): The guy is a coward! To leave you like that, without so much as a word, is unbelievably cruel! Yes, he is hearless!
The best thing for you to do now is to move on, and find someone who has grown up enough to be in a relationship! No one deserves to be treated as he treated you!
He may come back into your life at some point, saying he has considered what you want, and is willing to give it a try.
I'd like to think that if it were me, I would say...sorry, I've moved on!
I hope you have the courage and the self-respect to do so!
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