A
female
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anonymous
writes:I finally found the strength to break up with my abusive bf last week. And I stood my ground. He got really angry because of that. I don't think he ever expected me to stand up to him - he couldn't handle it at all, he got so out of control, I had never seen him like that before.Anyway, after that, he came running back to me, saying sorry etc, begging for my forigveness. He was being so sweet and nice. However, even though I so badly wanted to believe him and take him back, my gut told me he was just playing games... and I was right. I stood my ground again. This made him angry, and he got angry again just like before. Then he came running back (again) being all nice. This time, even though I stood my ground but he didn't get angry, he just said 'one day, we will be together again'. One day later after he said we would be together again, he has a new gf!!!! Mind you, it's been less than a week since we broke up. Part of me is relieved that he is no longer my bf, but to hear he has a new gf so shortly after us breaking up and after what he said, it makes me question if he ever did truly care for me? It makes me feel like I am worthless, as I obviosuly meant NOTHING to him. I don't understand WHY though. I mean, I gave him my everything. I sacrificed so much for him. I did everything for him that he ever wanted me too. But, it just wasn't good enough... I wasn't good enough. I just don't know how to deal with all of this. It doesn't help that he keeps contacting me to brag about things and when he isn't contacting me directly he uses facebook to get to me indirectly. I feel like I just need a clear break from him, but I fear that if I tell him that, or if I cut contact from him and make it so he cannot contact me, that he will find a way and will get abusive towards me again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Congratulations on finding the courage to break up with him!
But you got it wrong, and it pains me to hear you talk about not being good enough for him. The truth is, HE is not good enough for YOU! He amply demonstrates this fact by his anger and abuse, then going ahead and getting a new gf (poor thing!) the very next day.
Now you need to make certain that he does not contact you again, in any way, shape or form. Do you have caller ID on your phone? If so, don't pick up when he rings, or else change your phone number to an unlisted one, if need be. Is there a way you can block him from reaching you on facebook? It would be better to suspend or close your facebook account so that he does not have access to you that you. Change your email address as well.
More: if he should come to your home, don't let him in! Threats? report him to the police!
Good luck - and enjoy life without having this jerk in it!!
You deserve so much better.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 I think you are right in wanting to make a clean break from him; this is the best thing for you to do in order to move on from him.
I suggest you delete him as a friend on facebook and make sure your security setting are set so that only your friends can access your profile (hence he will not be able to see anything). I think you can block users on facebook too - this might be worth doing so he cant contact you at all. Change your mobile number and ring your service provider to make sure he is blocked from callng you, so if he does ever get hold of your number he cant do anything with it. Change your email address also and be selective where you use it and display it.
If you do all these things then I cannot see any way he can get in touch with you; aside from coming to your house. And if he tries that well you could either just lock the door and wait for him to leave, or call the police. Cutting him out of your life is the best thing you can do I promise, and you will feel so much better for it. You had the stregnth to leave him in the first place so use that stregnth and just get rid of every trace of that man!
And with regards to him moving on so fast, that is a clear sign that this man bascially cannot be alone and needs a woman in his life to dominate and control. He controls women in order to feel in control of his own life; without a woman in his life he will feel out of control. So of course you will have meant something to him, he hasnt moved on because he never loved you. You should feel sorry for this new woman; he will probably start being abusive to her very soon and she will be in the situation you were in.
Well done on finding the courage to stand up to him, you have done the right thing. It saddens me to hear you say that you were not good enbugh for him - it is the other way around! He is not good enough for you! If you put your heart and soul into the relationship and all you got back is abuse, then he is a sorry excuse for a human being and he doesnt deserve to be loved. whereas you, you sound like a wonderful person and most men would give their right arm to be with a woman like you. Dont think any of this was your fault - he will have some terrible deep rooted issues that only a therapist will be able to sort out. Anger and abusive is something that needs to be treated, it is like an illness. It was completely out of your control and no matter how wonderful you were to him, these issues are bigger than the both of you and have control of him.
I can tell this has seriously affected your self-esteem; I hope you can listen to what I have said and believe in it. Keep telling yourself every day that you are too good for him, and he didnt deserve you. None of this could have been prevented so dont blame yourself for any of it, you did everything you could have done to make him happy but his anger is more than you could have dealt with. Until he gets his anger sorted then he will never be happy, with any woman. So this new girlfriend will not have any luck either, she will end up feeling the exact same way as you do right now.
Cut him out of your life; he is a destructive force and you need to surround yourself with positive things in life not negative people that are trying to bring you down. Believe that you are a good person and that oneday you will find a wonderful man who appreciates everything you do for them. You will be happy again oneday I promise, and you will see when you meet someone else just how badly you have been treated.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Consider yourself BLESSED ^-^ !!!
Yes, think positive! Be thankful that you got to find out EARLY!
You did the absolutely correct action by standing your ground.
You have no cause to question your self worth. You did nothing wrong. If anything, you feeling like that was probably caused by one of his abusive actions (more often than not, abusers turn the table and put the blame on the partner even when s/he had nothing wrong).
If you feel bothered by his badmouthing you, delete his contact address from your social network. Block him off from your phone and email. This can easily be done directly in your computer/mobile or you can contact the service provider to do that for you.
You should be thankful that you are not with someone who disrespects you.
Be happy and stop worrying about what he says about you.
Cat
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