A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I’ve got a problem and need some advice. There’s more than meets the eye to the problem, it’s not as simple as just, I fancy my best mate's brother. There’s more but I’ll try to keep it short.Basically like everyone in their first year university, I made a group of friends who became like my best friends. We’re all very close and spend a lot of time together. We’ve been there for each other through out our first year at uni and one of the girls, who we shall call Lauren I became really close to – like super close. She’s practically like a sister to me. Through the year I’ve gradually got to also know her family as well through various outings and stuff, I’ve met all her siblings and her parents, and her older brother comes out with us sometimes as well when we go out drinking because they are quite close. That’s where the problem started. He’s really gorgeous but I had a serious boyfriend for the most of first year of uni and so nothing ever happened. This whole thing is all very recent.Laurens degree means she has to do a year abroad and so she’s now gone away for a whole year. She’ll be back in September but other than that, I’m not really getting much chance to talk to her because where she is she doesn’t have much access to computer and its costly for her to phone back to England. We are keeping in touch via letters though. I’m missing her loads, and even more so because just after she left, I had a really bad break up with my boyfriend. It was awful and it’s taken me a while to get my head back together. Even harder without my best friend there to have girly chats with! My other friends have all been really supportive and have been taking me out loads to take my mind of things and everything, and this is kinda where her brother started coming in. Because we already knew each other, and already chatted on msn, and he’s come out drinking with us, he asked how I was doing and offered to take me out to take my mind of things. I figured there was no harm done because we are friends already, he used to hang out with both me and his sister and he’s a nice guy. So we went out and just walked and talked for a while, then that turned in to dinner at a nice restaurant, then that turned in to one of those nights where you just sit and drink wine with each other. I’ve always thought he was attractive but it was like suddenly there was this whole new side to him. The next day he asked if he could take me out again, and we went shopping and had a picnic together. We were flirting with each other constantly, and he constantly kept touching me, like putting his hand on my back, or touching my leg or my hand when we were sitting down talking. Then after that, he asked me out yet again – we went to the cinema and then had drinks. We’ve been speaking loads via msn, phone, txt and he’s admitted he does fancy me. I think I fancy him too. He’s cooking me dinner later this week and I think he may try to kiss me. We almost kissed the other night but then some random drunk guy showed up and interrupted it. Typical uni life eh? I really need some advice on what to do here. Is this a bad idea? It’s not even as if I can talk to my best friend about it – she’s in another country, with no phone, very little internet access and we are keeping in touch via letters which are like once a month. I have thought about how she might react if something did happen between her brother and I and I have also confided in another one of my close friends about what’s happned. Neither of us can imagine her completely freaking out and being angry – she’s just not that sort of person, but both of us are worried she may feel a bit awkward. I don’t want to make my best friend feel awkward but at the same time, we don’t know if she 100% would. Maybe she’d be cool with it. Maybe she’d be pleased her brother who she is really close to was with her best friend. Or maybe she’d not like it. I just don’t know.So what do I do? Do I keep going with her brother and see what happens and let him kiss me at dinner?... then just decide that I’ll have to talk to Lauren later – in which case I am also worried it may look like we’ve done all this behind her back whilst she’s away in another country which is totally not how it’s happened. Or do I stop myself seeing her brother? I’m really not sure what to do. I do like him. He’s very kind and sweet and I find that when we are together it’s just this beautiful innocent type of attraction. It sounds so corny, but it just feels peaceful if that at all makes sense?Please help, I’m really confused.Ps: He a year older than me incase anyone wondered.
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best friend, drunk, flirt, msn, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cale03  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Ok this has been a major problem with me a couple times over... and every time i always worry about the same things you're worried about. its not an easy problem to fix. but if you like this guy and expect to be kissed then you have to tell her just give her the whole story start with the problems you and your ex bf had before you broke up and then just keep goin i was upset i went out with So-So and then with So-So and then he asked to go out as friends and then we just kept going out if you're honest about it and tell her it will work out better then hiding it when i had this problem once i hid it and he wasnt mad i did it just i hid it from him. yes things will be a bit strange at first and may stay that way and she may get a little upset because she wont know if you're going to be with her when you all go out or with him. but don't worry that you'll get screamed at that hardly ever happens it wasnt happened to me and i've been here 4 times
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