A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I go to the gym a lot and I've fallen for my training partner, im 20 and he's 24 and I really like him, I've known him for a while but the problem is he has a girlfriend! We spend a lot of time together training and getting drinks afterwards and I developed feelings, and I know I want more than friendship. I don't know what to do because I know he wont leave his girlfriend even though I know hes not happy. Help
View related questions:
best friend, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissTellAll  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 You can't allow yourself to think it's okay because you think he's unhappy. It doesn't matter the state of the relationship, there is still a relationship there to respect. Many married or otherwise occupied men may lie about unhappiness to get girls into bed. That may or may not be the case here. If so, then you and his girlfriend will end up hurt if you succumb to those feelings.
You should probably hang out less, because the more you see him the more your feelings will inflate and your judgment will dissipate- you'll start thinking it's okay to try for something with him.
If you were her, and you and him were going through a little bit of trouble maybe, would you want some other girl to swoop in and try her hand at things? I think not. Like Honeypie said- don't be THAT girl.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 January 2014):
 Well you really have 3 choices here.
1. RESPECT the fact that he is WITH someone else - honestly happy or not is unimportant. It really is. Because if he was SO unhappy with her, HE would leave. It's not like she runs around behind him with s shotgun forcing him to stay with her is it? Which means you need to CURB your emotions and "feelings" for him. NIP it in the bud. YOU can't HAVE more then friendship. ACCEPT that. Don't be THAT girl. The one who starts to sleep with a guy because he tells a "woe is me my girl friend is mean" and you think YOU can make him all better. (life doesn't work that way). YOU will end up hurt and you know that.
2. Find a new training partner, who is either single or one you have absolutely attractions to or feelings for.
3. stop hanging around him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): You say you know he's not happy, but to be honest people generally only talk about relationships if there's something to complain about. He might gripe to you about his gf exactly the same way he would to his guy friends but it doesn't necessarily mean he's unhappy. If he was truly unhappy he would leave her, because people don't have to stay in a crappy relationship. But when things go well no one shouts from the rooftops about it, it's like people always complain about shops/restaurants if their rubbish but very rarely praise when they're good.You know he's involved with someone, so rather than bond more cut back the time you spend with him. Go and get drinks with other friends and slowly reduce the socialising with him. I'd maybe even find a new training partner because it's unfair on yourself to be around someone you can't have. Yes it's hard and will feel awful and unfair, but he's simply off limits. If he did actually try anything while having a girlfriend he's not the sort of person you want to be with anyway.So meet up with other friends, widen your circle and perhaps encourage friends of friends to socialise also as then you will meet more people. But don't waste your time holding out hope for this man, and you don't want genuinely single guys who are interested in you to be put off from approaching you because you're always around this guy. Good luck, it won't be easy as you've got feelings but it's harder on yourself to keep staying around him as your feelings might develop more x
...............................
|
