A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I fancy both men and women (men more at the moment). When I masturbate, it takes me longer to ejaculate when im fantasizing about women than it does men, about 5 minutes. Its really upseting and distressing me, I hate myself so much because of it. Is it just a phase, I don't know what to do!?
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male
reader, riv  +, writes (15 May 2010):
Try to meet both girls and boys for sex.
Start with a girl. The longer you take to come with her the more she will enjoy it so that's not a problem.
When you have had a number of actual experiences with both males and females you will be in a much better position to know which you enjoy most ( and anyway the preference could change over time ).
If you genuinely enjoy sex with both males and females what's not to like ? You get twice the opportunities most people do !
Just remember to absolutely always use strong condoms and insist the males you go with do likewise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I know this is much easier said than done, but don't worry about it. You're still pretty young so it could just be a phase. Or perhaps it isn't. You could be straight/bisexual/gay it doesn't matter. I think it's more likely you are bisexual (at the moment) from what you say and that's totally fine. I think a lot of people are feeling the same way as you but don't admit it openly. I can assure you that you have no reason to feel like you should hate yourself because of it, and there is nothing that you should do. Just try and be comfortable with it, it'll get easier with time :-) Just remember there are a LOT of people in the same boat as you. Good luck pal, xx
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A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Hello,Questioning a fundamental part of oneself evokes feelings of fear and confusion. When the question is about something as intimate as the nature of ones sexual orientation, it can be many times more stressful. The complex web of social and (for some) religious stigma that accompanies non-heterosexual emotions compounds the issue.The Kinsey Scale divides human sexuality into 6 levels: 0 represents 100% heterosexual, 6 represents 100% homosexual, and 1-5 represent various levels of bisexual. Many bisexuals go through periods in which they desire one gender more than the other.For example; a man who is a 1 or a 2, for example, may be emotionally and physically attracted to women but also have a purely sexual attraction to the rare man. A man who is a 3 may be capable of emotional and physical attraction to both, or may waver from one gender to the other over time. Each individual is different.It is not terribly uncommon for some people to experience periods of curiosity, or to fantasise about a member of the same-sex. Such periods should not impact the label with which you identify your sexuality. For many people these periods pass and are rare, or once-only, occurrences. However, as the American Psychiatric Association relates, one of the ways in which a person can identify their sexual orientation is by recognizing patterns in their desires. Because you are still questioning and not sure of yourself, I recommend the following: as difficult as this may sound, what you must do is try not to over-think this. Allowing these conflicting emotions to play on your mind will only feed them, serving to magnify the distress you feel.Take the time to view what the American Psychological Association has to say about the nature of Sexual Orientation. It may help to give you some much needed perspective: http://www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.htmlI hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): try to accept your feelings its just something many young guys go thru it doesnt mean you are gay but if you are so what.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 June 2009):
Sweetheart, you need to be calm about this.
It's part of growing up to figure out your sexuality and you don't have to label yourself.
Just take it that you are unsure of what you are at the moment and give it time. You don't need to be able to tick in a box that you are straight / bi-sexual / gay. You can be YOU.
Don't hate yourself. You are who you are. You are no better or worse than anyone else in this world.
If it turns out that you like men then is that really a fate worse than death? There is no law saying you have to start acting like Graham Norton.
You are you. You have to accept that you can't control or change this. So just enjoy the feelings you have and in time you will come to know what your sexuality is.
Give it time. I know that's easy for me to say when you feel like this but being a teenager sucks. It's like a terrifying rollercoaster at times and all you can do it hold on tight and try and enjoy the ride.
Go out with your mates and forget about this. What goes on in your head doesn't affect the rest of your life. Be you and have fun.
Good Luck!! xx
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