A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I get on really well with a friend from work, she is beautiful, intelligent and very funny, I can talk to her about things that I wouldn't talk to most people about but I don't know if I should tell her how much I like her and risk ruining our friendship?We have been working together for around 3 months now and have got on well since the start, we are always having a laugh together and many of my colleagues have commented on how we constantly flirt with each other in the office.The more time I spend with her the more I like her and I'm now at the point where I just can't stop thinking about her and how I want to make her happy!She sits opposite from me at work, we travel to and from work together, talk whenever we get the chance and txt each other almost everyday... apart from when she is with her boyfriend.This is the hard part which I'm confused about.She has told me on more than one occasion that she is unhappy with her boyfriend and that he isn't very affectionate, quite moody, doesn't treat her too good all of the time and never wants to do the things she wants to.Her boyfriend once saw us together and went mad at her and made her really upset, the next day she said she should've finished him there n then but she didn't - I don't know what she is hanging on to.Because of him we don't get the chance to spend time together out of work as she is worried about his reaction if he were to find out that she was spending time with me 'behind his back' as she put it.Unfortunately, she doesn't like the job and has told me that she is looking for somewhere new, I've told her how much I'd miss her and she said the same thing back and told me we'd definitely stay in touch when she does leave.Although it'll be an awkward situation, I'm thinking that I should tell her my feelings before she leaves because I might not get the chance to spend time with her again?But I really like her friendship too, if I let my feelings known will it ruin our relationship as close friends?Please help me settle my mind aunts and uncles - i'm so confused!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 June 2008):
Ok, well definitely don't do anything until she leave the job she is in at the moment.
Can you imagine the worst case scenario - you tell her and she says she only likes you as a friend and then her boyfriend starts making her more miserable because she tells him and you STILL have to see each other every day? Not good.
However, once she has left, then you can take a risk.
Tell her that her boyfriend is rubbish and that you like her as more than a friend and that if she ever leaves him then you would like to take her out to dinner, and show her how a real man treats his girlfriend.
She's obviously staying with this guy because she thinks she's in love with him so don't giver her a "now or never" type ultimatum, just let her know that you are there for her to choose.
In the mean time though, you can keep asking her why she stays with her jerk of a boyfriend and how a decent guy would never act like that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (7 June 2008):
 If she is truly unhappy with her boyfriend they might not last anyway. Dont start an 'affair' as this is not the answer to a lasting relationship but if you really dont want to lose her tell her how you feel and ask her if she would consider dating you if she split up from him, it might make her think about it.
My husband met me when I was unhappily dating another guy and even though we were just friends at first and I know it was wrong to go for coffee etc with him (never told my boyfriend about him)the more time I spent with him I just knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with and after a couple of months I dumped the boyfriend and started dating him so there is sometimes a happy ending to this situation. The other guy didnt even get hurt as we werent in love and he was seeing other women anyway apparantly!
Husband has since told me that if I hadnt dumped the other guy he had a plan and would just make sure he was constantly in my life as he wasnt letting me go! Good luck x
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