A
male
age
36-40,
*8472c
writes:I am losing hope of finding true love. I moved to a new city for a job about one and a half years ago and my dating life died the day I moved. I have a female friend that tells me that I am attractive, fun, and a great catch, but if that is so then why do I keep getting rejected? It doesn't matter where, whether it is in the gym, work, restaurants, bars, clubs, bookstores, online, the store, concerts, etc. I have also tried varying my approach, e.g., body language, what I say, my look. However, the result is always the same: Rejection. I've even tried the reverse psychology technique of not actively looking and have failed to find anyone. Am I really that undesirable? I feel as though life is passing me by and that I am wasting some of the best years of my life in solitude. It also seems that all the good women are taken. I am terrified that I may end up marrying someone I don't care for, simply to not be alone anymore. Any advice? Please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 June 2008):
There are two possible unknown factors, depending on what you believe.
1 - If you have subconscious feelings and thoughts like "losing hope of finding true love" or "I am always rejected" people sometimes pick up on that without knowing why. You might be putting off the right vibes. The way to fix that is to find your happiness with your life just as it is. If you can find a way to be happy on your own without needing to have someone or something, you can start to put love rather than insecurity into the world and bingo, love comes your way.
2 - The universe can sometimes conspire against us. Then you are swimming against the tide, not much you can do about it. Solution - the same, be happy in your life.
In both cases, chances are that in time love will come your way.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, a8472c +, writes (9 June 2008):
a8472c is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses.
To Peter Pan: I'll try the community college class, if nothing else, I will gain another skill. Thanks for the suggestion.
To Emilysanswers: Unfortunately, my friend is as stumped as I am. She says that I am doing everything right, but I am just not having any success at all. I'll check out the club/group thing though. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 June 2008):
Ask your female friend for more specific advice. Tell her exactly how it is that you've been approaching girls and see if she can figure out what you are doing wrong.
Get her to be your dating coach!
You could also see if there are any clubs or groups for the things you are into. Join them and see what you can find there.
Other than that I think you just need to keep trying. There's not much I can say without meeting you and finding out more.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (7 June 2008):
 First piece of advice: NEVER marry anyone that doesn't make your heart skip beats or go into a complex jazz rhythm! Loneliness is NOT a reason to be married!
Next, you're not wasting your "good years" away. Sure, moving to this new town may have stifled your action a little, but a job is a job (and in this economy, don't snub that at all!). I obviously have no clue where you are, but what's the possibility of heading to the next largest city in your area for a weekend of fun? Or, try to get into the local scene with your friends from work - in particular, the single ones. I'm thinking that if you move in their circles, they might introduce you to the areas where the available women are frequenting...
I know this sucks, but you're not the only one. Hell, I got out of a loveless marriage -- I'd kill to be your age and single!!
Hey, one last thought: a community college class -- something like cooking? Something you're likely to meet women you age? And you'd learn a skill too (there's nothing more impressive than a guy that can create a great gourmet mean for his girlfriend!!
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