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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello All,I was wondering if I could get some advice from any men out there?I'm a single woman in early 30s, and I constantly seem to attract men who are lovely in the beginning, but then turn out to be complete rats. What's more, I find myself falling in love with such men.Can anyone talk some sense into me??!!! My last boyfriend was a neighbour of mine (lived in the flat upstairs to me), who'd become good friends with me. He was always flirting with me, but 'd hold back as we were neighbours, and didn't want things to get messy.We were friends for 4 months, and then he went away to see his family abroad over the Xmas period, but fell ill with diabetes.By this time, I had fallen for him, but didn't know if he would come back to the UK or stay with his family in Europe. He spent a month in hospital, and recovered slowly, and came back to the UK visit - staying in the flat upstairs to mine, as his cousin lived there.It was then that we realised there was something strong between us, and we started a relationship. He was lovely, and things felt so right between us.However, he was still going back to live with his family in Europe, but told me he definitely wanted to see me again, and would come back again in 2 months' time, hoping that he would recover fully by then.In the mean time, he called me every week, and we had long, loving conversations, and I really felt things were going great, even with the distance. He seemed totally smitten with me, as I was with him.He did come back to visit again, and we spent the weekend together, and had a lovely time.And then he went back to Europe.And then he never called me again!! And he ignored my calls...In fact, 2 months ater, I was shocked to bump into him in the UK, coming out of the flat upstairs to me - apparently he was visiting again, but didn't bother to knock on me, say hello, or even let me know he would be in the UK.These actions have totally hurt me. He didn't even want to say hello to me. I have no idea why he turned out to be such a rat, when he was so loving to me for about 3 months, and we were good friends for 4 months before that. Plus, I was a very kind friend to him, as helped him to sort out a number of paperwork issues in UK, as he had to go back to his family due to his illness.Now he just doesn't acknowledge me, but still has the cheek to go and visit his cousin who lives in the same house as me, but in the upstairs flat!!But yet, I still have feelings for him, but my pride won't let me contact him as deep down I know he isn't worth it. Every time I see him, it hurts. And it's affecting me from moving on in other relationships.I don't understand why I still have feelings for him, knowing he is such a loser. I guess I am just hurt.Can any men shed any light as to why some men may act like this? Why couldn't he just tell me that he didn't want a relationship....? I would have understood.I still believe he did have strong feelings for me, but think that maybe he got scared or something. Is there anything I can do to try to repair this relationship, or do I just leave it totally broken, and save face by not contacting him again?I'm losing faith in all men, here...!thanks to all who can help.Sam xxx
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cousin, flirt, neighbour, period Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (26 July 2006):
 This was way too long to read, so I'll just say what my initial reaction was to the title.
EWWW rats!!!! Come on, u can do better :-P
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 July 2006):
 Well Sam. I don't have the foggiest idea of what this guy is doing and what motivates him to continue. I can only guess at it. There can be a host of things that could be going on in his head. Thats something you have to discuss with him. You deserve some answers and closure from this whole thing as you won't be able to move on fully until you know. The second thing is you shouldn't lose faith in men because all men don't act like this. I know because I don't. Believe it or not some people just attract these type of people. It just depends on were you are in your life and thinking as to what type of people you attract. You can have faith in the fact that you know what to stay away from and know the warning signs of a relationship gone bad and you are stronger knowing that they can go bad. There are good guys out there, trust me and not all of them are married. They are looking for the same things that you are. Patience is a virtue, one that you should exercise.
Have a talk with your male friend and get some closure, if not for the sake of the relationship, for the purpose of your own well-being. Consider your absence his loss and his absence a new lesson on your road to finding the right one. He's out there. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (26 July 2006):
 Maybe he was lying about going abroad, maybe he has another wife in another country, maybe he is gay, maybe he has changed his mind about you, maybe maybe maybe maybe......just confront him, you have a right to know!! Then he will hopefully be upfront with you and tell you straight, he obviously is a gutlless individual, you need to move on and not let him get to you.
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