A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:One of my life long problems is love. I fall head over heels in love with males easily, and while I've been able to develop a degree of dispassionate detachment, my heart rules my head. For example, my current boyfriend is a long distance relationship. It bugs me that I’ve invested way more emotionally in him then he has in me… Not because I want more love from him, but because I want to love him less.How can I enjoy the opposite sex, without ending up sending long periods of time begging my emotions for my brain back? I hate missing him, or whoever I’m currently attached to and I’m down right frightened of the way my love for a guy means I feel compelled to put up with abuse (as happened in a past relationship).Other people talk about how great love is and how they want to fall in love. It sucks! You have butterflies in your stomach about perfectly normal males and end up obsessing over someone else’s emotional state, a pointless exercise since beyond superficial social manipulation you can’t make anyone feel anything.It’s not just a relationship thing where I need a man; I’ve been celibate and secretly in love too.I considered joining a nunnery, but I fear I’d either develop a passion for the milkman or fall for the mother superior. :PHelp me reclaim my self worth, so I can get a life?
View related questions:
celibate, long distance, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): That is called imagination. And it springs from desire. Desire to have a family, to discover long-lasting love. It's naturally ok to imagine, so long as you don't become a prisoner in the phantasy world. In reality you can't expect for these plans to occur, because it is too early to say, and you weren't born with a prediction gift. I know how it feels, I've dreams too. The secret is being at peace if they don't happen, not deceive yourself they're real, they're only "potentials." It's ok to say "How good it would be IF", but remember IF is possibility. In time you learn better to control the flux of emotions anyway. Just give time "time" to make up his mind to whether they happen or not. Meanwhile, find the balance between chances and reverses...
A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Awwwwh hun i kno how u feel! It's happened twice to me and infact is still currently happening - You fall in love with someone and you just can't let go - some see this as a good thing but it's soo painful and you feel so trapped n cannot stop finkin bout *him*
I think with me, it's an obsession! I wanna enjoy wot i feel but just can't - love hurts! But hun, once you've found the man of your dreams and settled down, got married, had a baby. You'll b on top of the world and this person will hopefully b with you for the rest of yur life! Once dis occurs, this pain will no longer rule you as he'll alwayz b by yur side.
In the meantime just try and cope, it's hard but once you've found the 'one' you'll see the bright side of love and how wonderful it realli is - as he's yours, all yours! x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I need company frequently, it's that I don't like that my mental state slides into planning the wedding menu. I want to have a good time and enjoy dating, not feel bound to a person and in their power. It's like I meet a gentleman and the next thing I know I've metaphorically hog tied myself and lain down on his doorstep with ‘Welcome’ written on my tummy.
I miss those moments when I can be sassily –not- in love with a gentleman.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): "I considered joining a nunnery, but I fear I’d either develop a passion for the milkman or fall for the mother superior." Good sense of humour, that's good. Falling in love easily is not necessarily bad, some people just feel the need to be eternally in love, even if it is the nature or the sleeping city. Try to comfort yourself with the idea that just being able to feel love is a relief, as an expression of emotions that you're not denied to feel or hide. Also do try when you love not to expect anything in return, until the feeling is indeed corresponded. Falling in love easily however is risky if you think you don't know much about the other after a second date and sometimes you end up confronted to an illusion.
Try to think in terms of "What makes me attracted to him" and "what are the chances for this to work." You must be the contemplative type, most people need time and be given proves to love, which is better for their safety, so don't expect the others to be emotionally involved just as fast, trying to stay more detached is trying to protect themselves, therefore don't question your worth if it doesn't happen! It's important. Your time is your time, it surely will come. Also, it's hard to keep a long-distance relationship, the circumstances make it fragile, so if you're the type that needs company more frequently you should really think if you can put up with the distance. Take care.
...............................
|
