| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I really need some advice. I am going through a major shipwreck and I don't know how to handle it. The situation in particular while sucking all the same is not what would break a person. It is the history around it. My life has been dogged by constant tragedy and heartbreak. My first love died in a car crash, my second love could not dare go up against his disapporving father. My third and most significant love was torn away from me because of senseless tragedies happening around us and to us (I got raped at the time, also my career was destroyed, close friend's death among a lot and it was an emotional chaos after that)Then I was pursued by 2 men. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the rivalry between them. The nightmare lasted almost 3 years with one of them unable to let go and me trying to keep him away. Fast forward to today... rather, yesterday. So, 2013 started bad for me. The usual, dad almost died, mom was at the hospital, grandfather died, I got stalked by a pervert who at one point broke into my flat, I lost my best friend after his partner's suicide. And then, the unthinkable. I met a guy. He seemed to like me too. He was everything that I had been dreaming on as a little girl and more, almost to the script. He quickly became a huge part of my life pursued me called all the time, held my hand. And then out of the blue he told me he was not falling in love with me. It has been going on for months.I fell in love with him. This is the first time since 2004 when all the terrible things happened, so it is not like I was enthusiastic or rushing in. I just KNEW he was the one. I believed it anyway) Yesterday when we woke up he broached the subject again. He told me we will not be a couple and I told him I can't see him as a friend. He begged me to stay in his life and even cried and kissed me as I walked out but what choice did I have? I was willing to see what happens but this was the 3d time he told me we were not going to be together without me even broaching the subject(we did have sex before and we were frequently sharing a bed so I don't know how he could think that was friendship)And now I am broken. I once again got a glimpse of what could have been before someone yanking the plug and saying "just kidding" A month ago I had dared to hope that maybe one day I could have what other people take for granted. A loving husband I love back, children (he told me he wanted to have 2)stability. When does this end? And how do I even dare to hope it will be different? It never is. The script is I fall in love and then disaster happens. How do I keep believing. Because at this point I don't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): I am so sorry to hear about this. You have indeed gone through a tremendous amount of suffering. Hang in there, things will turn around at some point. With this guy, don't walk away from him just yet. He kisses you and sleeps with you, he does have feelings. Try to communicate with him to see what is his hang up about not being a couple. Try to dialogue with him, maybe that will bring you closer together. Explain to him how you feel, ask him what he wants from this relationship, how does he see this relationship? Some times people have weird hang ups. He could have bad experiences of his own in the past whereby everytime he falls in love bad things happen so maybe that's why he is afraid now and trying to stop things from progressing out of fear. All I am saying is, don't walk away from him just yet. Try to have a dialogue with him first to see if this really is a dead end.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): I think you need a lot of prayers. (We all do)
Pray and ask God's guidance and if you have to fast for it, try to do so because, everything you shared seems so tragic.
I think Only God can do something about it.
I mean its not normal, its like karma surrounds you, I'm not saying your bad or what,
For I don't know what you really been through but you need God to change things in your life and the way you think.
You see, our mind is very powerful.
If we always think negative things then it will happen.
What you should do?
1. stay away from trouble.
I don't think if your ready for a relationship.
So don't think about it, at this point and time.
what you really need is to fix your self first.
fix your life. Believe in your self.
2. Don't believe in every guy you met, right off the bat.
I mean test the water.
If he didn't pass then let go, it means his not worth it.
I never had an experience where in my ex bf gave me a wonderland moments during the courtship or getting to know each other phase of our relationship.
I am saying this to you for you to know when a guy is serious or not. so you never have to experience "just kidding moments ever again"
3. Be productive. dream big.
Your best asset is your self.
if you have a job, do something to perform better.
if not then,save money to have your own business.
This is what I do, I have a job but along the side
I am saving money to pursue my business plan.
4. Don't think about Boys too much or Falling In Love.
Thank God I think this way, so, might as well share it with you.
let me share with you what I learned about men and falling in love.
Men are so gross. They fall in Love, yeah but it expires so quickly. like a cake. They love green jokes, they talk and think about sex, most times.
They can have 2 or 3 gf's at the same time. They do talk behind our back. They want us to fall in love with them.
Once we do that's the time they say the magic word.
Magic word: Bye-bye.
I'm not saying all men but in general, they think that way. So, If I were you don't take them seriously, its NOT So worth it. Unless they have proven their worth to you.
What you need to focus on right now is YOU.
Live for you, be happy for yourself. for now.
I mean, maybe one day, you'll meet Mr. right-
Mr. right will never have to make you wait.
will never have the heart to break your heart.
and you never have the need to test him, you never even need to write here and ask.
With mr. Right everything seems so flawless. Until then, then his not Mr. right but mr. wrong. so say bye bye to him before he does.
Good luck! P.S Just want you to know have prayed for you too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): I think you need a lot of prayers. (We all do)
Pray and ask God's guidance and if you have to fast for it, try to do so because, everything you shared seems so tragic.
I think Only God can do something about it.
I mean its not normal, its like karma surrounds you, I'm not saying your bad or what,
For I don't know what you really been through but you need God to change things in your life and the way you think.
You see, our mind is very powerful.
If we always think negative things then it will happen.
What you should do?
1. stay away from trouble.
I don't think if your ready for a relationship.
So don't think about it, at this point and time.
what you really need is to fix your self first.
fix your life. Believe in your self.
2. Don't believe in every guy you met, right off the bat.
I mean test the water.
If he didn't pass then let go, it means his not worth it.
I never had an experience where in my ex bf gave me a wonderland moments during the courtship or getting to know each other phase of our relationship.
I am saying this to you for you to know when a guy is serious or not. so you never have to experience "just kidding moments ever again"
3. Be productive. dream big.
Your best asset is your self.
if you have a job, do something to perform better.
if not then,save money to have your own business.
This is what I do, I have a job but along the side
I am saving money to pursue my business plan.
4. Don't think about Boys too much or Falling In Love.
Thank God I think this way, so, might as well share it with you.
let me share with you what I learned about men and falling in love.
Men are so gross. They fall in Love, yeah but it expires so quickly. like a cake. They love green jokes, they talk and think about sex, most times.
They can have 2 or 3 gf's at the same time. They do talk behind our back. They want us to fall in love with them.
Once we do that's the time they say the magic word.
Magic word: Bye-bye.
I'm not saying all men but in general, they think that way. So, If I were you don't take them seriously, its NOT So worth it. Unless they have proven their worth to you.
What you need to focus on right now is YOU.
Live for you, be happy for yourself. for now.
I mean, maybe one day, you'll meet Mr. right-
Mr. right will never have to make you wait.
will never have the heart to break your heart.
and you never have the need to test him, you never even need to write here and ask.
With mr. Right everything seems so flawless. Until then, then his not Mr. right but mr. wrong. so say bye bye to him before he does.
Good luck! P.S Just want you to know have prayed for you too.
...............................
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