A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI haven't been on here for a while as I've been doing so well, but today I feel a bit unsettled because I've just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. I'm not going to contact him or anything like that, and I wish him well, but I just wanted to ask for some emotional support. We broke up a while ago and he wouldn't leave me alone. I even had to get the police involved to stop him coming round to the flat. He didn't listen to me at all and even followed me in my car, hung around outside work etc. He was emailing constantly up until 11 June, saying we were meant to be etc. then it just stopped. Then a few days later he left the country to go on a long trip.Now I found out via the dreaded Facebook that his 'beautiful girlfriend' is coming out to meet him there. It seems they have been in a relationship since June 15.So basically I'm confused about how he got into a relationship with this new woman so quickly, when he was claiming until 3 days previously that I was the love of his life.And if they were only in a relationship for 3 or 4 days before he left to go on holiday, how come it's so intense.I know it's none of my business, I'm sure you guys will remind me of that... but I disrupted my entire life trying to escape from this man who was totally obsessed, and it seems that perhaps he wasn't so obsessed after all! So what was he playing at witj me?I was so scarred after this relationship, it would take me AGES to feel comfortable going out with someone again. Let alone start something and then have a long distance relationship, but announcing it on Facebook. But maybe she was in the wings all along?I feel a bit foolish if so.Obviously I'm glad to be away from him, but this news has thrown me and set me back a bit.Thanks for reading. All I really need is someone to tell me to let it go and be glad I'm out of it. I just suddenly feel very lonely and afraid.
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broke up, facebook, long distance, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Eng_vice  +, writes (29 July 2013):
Hello, well, I am sure you are not still "friends" on FB with him but sounds like you checked out his profile. Use the block feature.Due to his crazy behaviour this new GF sounds a bit faked but even it were real should it be a bad thing for you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): No matter how shit he was/is, you still cannot just shut down your feelings on demand like that. That would be impossible. Still, I agree fully with the last two answers on here.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (28 July 2013):
 Read what has been written by female anonymous (just below). She has given the exact same advice as I was going to give.
Your ex is fickle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): He's mentally and emotionally unstable, that's why. He's terrified of being alone, he is needy and must be in a relationship at all times. That's why he was obsessed with trying to get you back. Not because he loves you but because he cannot be alone for even a minute and you were the first choice to fill that role for him since you know him well. Then the minute another opportunity came along he switched course easily because she was the path of least resistance to get his neediness filled. He is a very emotionally weak person and his behavior smacks of desperation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): First of all, a man with an obsession for one woman; then finds another only a few days later, is on the rebound.
That poor lady doesn't really know what she's dealing with. She will soon find out.
People who jump from one broken relationship immediately into another, are just looking for a replacement. They aren't focusing on their healing, and looking for a band-aid to put over the wound. He is simply looking for another warm body to fill an empty space. When he realizes he doesn't feel any better, hell break her heart. He won't be able to make it work. He has too much baggage and he hasn't changed.
You had better delete him from Facebook, or you will continue to have relapses. It's normal to slip back; so don't beat yourself up over it.
This happens to everyone experiencing a breakup. Even if they were the one who had to let the other person go.
Circumstances of the breakup may differ; but the pain and misery is pretty much the same once you're over the shock.
I got dumped 4 months ago. Even though it wasn't after a fight; or anything negative that lead up to it. It still was quite crushing. I didn't see it coming. Or I was deep in denial and refused to face it. Once it hit me. What choice did I have?
I just let the sequence of emotions just come and go. I've done a lot of reading about breakups long ago. So I knew what to expect; it's just that reading about it is a heck of lot easier than experiencing it!
It's almost an out of body experience as you know. You can almost stand up and look back at your body just stunned and paralyzed with pain. You feel so numb, it's as if your body and soul are separated.
It is healthy to let the emotions wash over you. Then you have to get a handle on it. If you give into it, it will
immobilize you.
So don't use social media to track his movements. That's peeling the scab off the wound, and just starting your pain all over again. I confess, I've had movements that I was tempted to search the web to see what he's doing. However; I am a firm believer in practicing what I preach. I fought the temptation, and it was weird how easily it is starting to subside these days.
You got rid of him for a reason. He made your life hell even after the breakup. His whereabouts and activities are of no consequence to you now. You're just having a lonely moment, when your good memories trickle into your thoughts.
You reminisced about the past good times, and forgot the bad.
You'll ruminate and obsess on those good times. Go write down all the reasons you broke up with him. Think about the discomfort you felt having to involve the police to handle your domestic issues involving him. You'll start to snap out of it.
Thinking of someone else enjoying the same things he did that made you feel good, just make you crazy.
Let he who hasn't felt that after a breakup, cast the first stone.
Pamper yourself and get out into the sunshine.
Call a good friend that you've been missing...no one associated with your ex. Someone you really like and will perk you up. A voice you haven't heard in awhile.
Out of the clear blue, an old friend called me yesterday. I sort of pushed him to the back of my mind for a reason I cannot explain. He told me he missed me, and wanted me to stop by his shop today. I'll be going in a few. My heart just swelled in my chest knowing he was thoughtful enough to give me a call. He's an older gentlemen, and not quite the sentimental type. So it means a lot.
You have to make a big deal over every little thing you accomplish. Blow good things completely out of proportion. It brings you back. Trust me.
If you have a great cup of tea, a delicious cookie. Savor it. Watch a comedy on TV to make yourself laugh. Push that jerk's memory and his skanky new girlfriend out of your mind. Take a deep breath and tell yourself you're going to be okay. She can have your old rubbish. He's second-hand and you threw him out.
You will have good days and bad days, sweetie. I speak to you from the heart; because empathy is it's purest, when you are experiencing the same thing at the same time.
Go find yourself a hug somewhere. You deserve it.
You've had a tough time, but it will pass. The days seem long, but at the end of a week; they seem to have sped by, looking back. You've survived them all to this point. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Now, read a few more posts from the other aunts. Dry the tears. Finish out today, and start fresh tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Why are you still friends with him on Facebook is you were so desperate to get him away from you? Delete him, stop checking on, and move on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): First of all, he isnt doing anything wrong. Secondly, it has hurt your ego. Thirdly, some people have no problem moving on to another, no matter how quick. This is another reason you are better off without him.
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