A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I am not sure what to do about friends/acquaintances coming into town. Should I let them stay at our flat or just give them the brush off? I should start by saying I am in the performing arts or use to be with my DH and I am not much anymore. Several years ago, after performing /sharing a night of performance with this weird performance art husband and wife team, I really liked them, liked hanging out with them and going on double dates when they were in town. I booked them a show at my families summer picnic. I promoted them among friends and online. They are very talented people. They hung out with us and stayed at our flat for the weekend. Afterwards, I had little contact with them online. It was more one-sided as it was me doing all of the FB complementing. It was not reciprocal. A few years back they changed their act a little and it is just not as good as they were. They started targeting a much younger audience and their act became a little silly. I still offered them a place to stay in my flat. They stayed for 25 days. My DH and I didn't mind as we don't have kids and love the company. It is not like they are poor or leaching off us as they make a decent income online by crowd funding sites and their parents give them money to tour world. During their stay the Mrs. in the group got snarky with me a few times and said rude comments. Might be an insecurity issue. This coupled with the fact that they are not reciprocal when it comes to friendship , it is all about them all the time promote promote etc. This has left me to wonder if it is worth it to have them come stay with us again when they come to town? I mean we do have a good time with them when they are here. I am torn. They have do the potential to become famous. I don't know if I should burn this bridge or not. What would you do cupid?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2014): I am the original poster of the question. They didn't ask if they could stay they just FB and told me that they were going to be in the area in a few weeks….just FYI. But yeah I am not going to roll out the red carpet for them and invite them. I betcha the Mr. of the group would keep in touch but since he is so henpecked by the Mrs. and she is hard to deal with he just goes along with it all. He just does stage management and writes the performance pieces. She does everything else. Sad, they are fun to hang with, but they don't put any effort into anything but themselves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): From what you've said I wouldn't invite them to stay with you again - they certainly take a loan of you! It would be different if they put effort into your friendship and kept in touch etc, but they don't seem to be interested unless they get a personal gain from it.
If you must see them, agree to meet them at a bar or something and see them for a couple of hours. You've done plenty for them!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 October 2014):
 Twentyfive days ? my, you are the gracious host. I don't know if I would put up my MOM 25 days- it's a long time.
Anyway, no I would not bother and no regrets. They do not consider you friends, they do not reciprocate, the interest is one sided , they basically ignore you unless it's mooching time, and the Mrs. even got snarky and made rude comments .
As a matter of fact , I do not understand why are you even TEMPTED to bother . Because maybe one day they will be famous ?... Maybe they will , or maybe not. What is it, you don't want to be like the guy who refused managing the Beatles ?:) Well, he's also lost a bundle, beside looking like a mug. You don't stand to lose anything financially , and , if ever they do became super famous- you already have those 25 days to get interviewed about in the gossip magazines.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): First of all, stop promoting them if they don't show any appreciation for it. Unless you stand to make some financial gain, can it! Promoters work for a fee!!!
Offer them shorter stays, unless you're running an inn. You may be giving them more props and recognition than they deserve. They may have potential, but they aren't there yet; so stop kissing their asses.
If she became snarky with you, you should have put her out of your house. It is discourteous to insult your host, after you've parked your ungrateful carcass in someone's home for nearly a month. Eating their food, drinking their wine, and being given first-class treatment at no cost!
Just because you're being nice to them doesn't mean they'll recognize you as friends, should their popularity and success take off. If it's bragging rights you need, you already have proof of your contribution to their success already circulating online. Through your promotion you've gotten them exposure and publicity.
So what have they done for you lately? Do they bring you gifts, tokens of their appreciation, an expensive bottle of wine, or an exotic relic picked up during their travels?
Stop seeking status through association with these grandiose moochers. A couple of geese with broomsticks up their ungrateful anuses.
You're breaking your back to offer them a comfortable place to crash for weeks, cleaning their bedsheets, making them meals, and allowing them to take advantage of your generosity. Perhaps they don't reciprocate, because they think you're a fool and their over-sized egos make them believe they deserve it. Make sure you let these people know you are on the same level, when they're prancing around your home like peacocks. You've gone beyond the call, now you're feel regret for going too far. That's your fault.
Decent people give back when they consider you a friend.
They know you will be perfect hosts and will give them a comfortable place to relax. As hosts, you make them feel like celebrities and they're just soaking it up.
Ask yourself, is it really worth it? If it isn't, stop.
Don't even feel bad about giving them a last-minute notification that you've had a change of plans.
If they were good people and real friends, would you have to write a post like this?
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