| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hi i was on to u all before about my husband leving me for a girl 15 years younger than him.well i think i done a foolish thing yesterday . i was on the phone to him knowing he was down the country with her house hunting .oh yes thay got a house and are moving into it nextweek.so i was so hurt i went on a mad one.i started by makeing him put me on loudspeker so she could hear me.then i asked her did she know that he was coming up to see his kids he was having sex with me and how did it make her feel to take away a dad and husband from his family.she said she dont belive it so he said it was true he was having sex .i also told her that he said if it wasnt for her he said he would be back with me.he also said true i asked her lots of things like that and how did it make her feel about him now.she said he just told her he loved her the other day and shd dont belive any of this i asked what made her think it was lies even thoug he admitted the hole lot of what i said was true.asked her did she think he was playing her and me she said yes . i told her about his long list of girls he told he loved and then dumped and then she would be next how did she feel about that is that what she wants for her life ahead she gave no answer.i did say alot about him of what happend before he met me she doesnt know it was so long agoa am just trying to get him back before it gets to far did i do a wrong thing she said she felt very hurt and i said so did i he said he felt shit that he was the one that caused all this pain.sowhat im saying i think is do u think thay will stay toghter or break and would he come back to me im so upset now i dont know what is right or wrong i just love and want him back so badly id do anything please help p.s. i also told her about our kids and made out to her he was a bad farther even thoug he was a great ond and would she like a man to treat her kids like that and again no answer what do u think
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): I understand that what you are going through is extremelly painfull.. It is very hard to let someone go, especially when the person has moved on and is with somebody else, just thinking about it makes you ill and crazy.
I understnd that you still have sex with him, thinking that this will bring him back.. the truth is, you are doing the opposite by giving him everything he wants. You are not a challenge for him, he knows that he has you on his side, so when or if it goes bad with this girl or the next ones, he can get you back.
Are you really in love with him or are you in love with the idea of being with him? I am sure nothing was perfect with him, which is normal, but no he decided to take the risk to loose you.
I believe that right now you are teaching him that wathever he does, it's okay, and you will be by his side. Basically, this is suicide because if he gets back with you, he will not fear cheating or leaving you again unless you teach him a lesson..
I am not sure if they will stay together but they r starting in a very bad way, it is not a solid foundation and in my opinion, they will not stay together for very long.
Now what I would do is take care of myself, make myself hsppy, beautiful... This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow, take it because it could chAnge your life. I think that you do not love yourself so much anymore, and that your self-esteem is now extremelly low because of this rupture. You need to get bak up, stand with your head straight. You should even think of meeting new people, dating, even if you don't feel like it and that you are still in love. It will make you think about other people for a bit instead of focussing on your ex.
Tell yourself it is over between you and your ex, this way it will help you get better and if he comes back, and you are willing to tke him bck because you know he has learned his lesson, it will just be a bonus. If not, it will be okay as well. When you see him nex time, act happy, do not nag him, do not bring up his gf, just be friendly. Trust me this will hurt him a lot, especially if you date someone else for a while. He will realise that he cannot do whathever he feels like, and that you are not a push over.Also, it is not the gf fault, she has nothing to do eith this so don't destroy her.
Anyways I hope this can help you, I am in similar situation, my friends have been too nd this is the way it got better.
Good luck and stay strong.
A
female
reader, dalmation  +, writes (27 November 2006):
Oh babe i would have done the same he is not in love but lust,if he loved this lady he would have done anything to protect her from what you were saying the best thing for you to do is pick your self up dust your self off,
dont let him see you hurting anymore let him see that there is a life out there with your name on it!.
If he see's that you can cope with out him he might start to think about what he is letting go of, and if he come's back and you still want him all's good but in the mean time go out have a laugh with friends you never know
another man might come along who will look after you better.
good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): i think yes, u have done a wrong thing. i cant say if they will break or stay, that is completely up to them. they may reconsider a few things, take a time out til she thinks all this out. but they may not break. remember this: ur husband oviously loves this person alot to sacrifice his family for her. and she must love him alot as well for to ask him to leave his family for her. what i can tell you is that i honestly dont think he would return to you. the fact he left signifies that he doesnt love you as much, wud u like to be with a man who wil always love someone better than you? you should talk to him about it. tell him how u feel and how your sorry. hear how he feels about it all, but dont let him decieve you. you deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): Oh god! What an awful mess! In one way, I suppose, you did her a "favor" by telling her all those tawdry secrets about your ex-husband, but she certainly won't thank you for it! And do you really feel any better for having told her? Doesn't sound like you do.
Unquestionably it was not a wise decision when you picked up the phone and called their house. I understand you are feeling very hurt, but all that has happened now is that three people are in pain and turmoil instead of just one.
Why ever would you want him back? He lies, cheated on you with many different women and deceived them too. Didn't you and he get divorced, or did he just leave you?
If he "comes back to you" how can you be sure that his anger over what you did might not lead to violence? He surely resents you for doing that.
You're better off taking a giant step back from this entire mess and having nothing further to do with either of them - but make sure you get child support payments from him if your children are under age.
Certain actions have unpleasant consequences. However, you could try getting some counselling for yourself to help deal with all your emotions.
...............................
|
