A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. We have the best relationship... except I don't want to have sex anymore. I feel terrible about this, I really do love him. I like having sex with him, but I'm never in the mood. I'm only 23 so I shouldn't be losing my sex drive already. I talked to my gynecologist and she was no help. I don't want him to break up with me over this. I try to force myself to have sex with him but he can tell I'm not that into it even when it feels great. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): oh my gawd!!! for the first time in a long time I don't feel like I'm a freak! I am going through the same thing as you! like to the tee! i"ve also been with my bf for 6 years and I dunno whats happening with my sex drive at all. It comes and goes like crazy! And i feel awful that I don't want to do it with him. I love him and enjoy spending time together..but when it comes to sex I dunno what it is.... Sometimes I only like it if i"m being pleased and then after if he still wants to do stuff it's like I have no interest.... I'm worried about these feeling because everyone says if you stop having sex, your relationship is going down hill. I don't want that to happen and every time I'm with him i wish that i felt that way about sex with him. Maybe it's because we have been together for a while.... What did u end up doing about this? If anyone else can give me some insight i would be most appreciative.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Last anon: 'try to feel like a slut, and be excited to be dirty' won't work here. You shouldn't have to 'try' to feel like a slut and be excited to be dirty; that should come quite naturally. If not, you can't just flick it on like a switch.
OP, there's some issue - I've no clue what it is - that's stopping you from wanting it, especially if you love your bf and have enjoyed sex before now. This is one for your doctor, yourself, and your boyfriend to work out (obv I don't mean together in that way!).
Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): try to feel like a slut, and be excited to be dirty. It always works for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): a gp is a general practitioner. like a family doctor, same person you'd go to for a prescription or if you had an infection or something. they might be able to help. maybe you could see a sexual therapist, if you have the money for that sort of thing? but see the GP first. it could be something simple like a deficiency in some hormone or vitamin!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for commenting! To answer some of your questions... We had sex about 3 weeks ago, maybe 2 weeks before that, and about a month before that. But each of these times I had to really convince myself to do it. Otherwise I try to avoid it. Yes all other aspects are great in our relationship. No I don't feel unappreciated or depressed. I did seem to have feelings of depression in my early teens, but those feelings passed. It hasn't always been like this. This probably started almost 3 years ago. I'm not on any medications. I did suspect that the birth control pill had something to do with it, but I stopped taking it about 5 months ago. What is my gp?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): i have this problem too and i'm 23. i enjoy sex while its happening but i never want to have it. my doctor has suggested to me that it's the antidepressant medication i take. are you taking any kind of medication because loss of sex drive is a common side effect of lots of things including the pill. if your boyfriend loves you he won't break up with you over this. like one of the other posters suggested, are the problems in other aspects of your relationship which could be subconsiously putting you off sex? have you been depressed? do you feel unappreciated? the other thing i've read is that a womans sex drive peaks in her 30s. maybe you just haven't got much of sex drive naturally? have you always been like this or is it recent? your gp might be able to help more than your gynocologist
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male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Be very careful, I don't know why you personally are going through this, but I know in my own relationship, my girlfriend stopped having sex with me, well she would have it when I would ask for it, but it was bland, and dull, and she would claim to love it, but it your boyfriend giving you everything you need from all the other aspects of your relationship? that's the best place to start, think that over and then post back!
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male
reader, mattsouth  +, writes (22 July 2009):
hey there!first up,dont stress too much.ok,now is there sexual tension between u two?i suggest maybe having a drink together,get some music on & just have fun 2gether.dont make it so its just gotta be in the bedroom,be random and have fun.whens the last time u have had sex,if u dont mind me asking?
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