A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was married for 15+ years. Events in my life occured and I had an affair. It went on for a year. He never promised me anything. I knew it had to end because it was tearing me up inside. It wasn't fair to my family but I fell in love with him. We could never be together but now what do I do? I ended it but I can't get over him. I still care for and long for him but couldn't keep doing it. I wanted him to ask me to leave but he never would nor could I ever trust him if he did. I love my family and didn't want to split us up but how do I get over him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, unintended  +, writes (4 December 2009):
I feel so bad for you. I have had an intense affair with a married man (I am also married) on and off for the last 15 months. We both have kids, and have been married for similar amounts of time. We are both in dysfunctional marriages to spouses who are emotionally cold but are good parents. His wife has had an affair before but he took her back. We fell in love and it was a meeting of souls.He was always talking of our future, whilst I was trying to be cautious - although secretly hoping. But, the brutal truth is that it was not enough. It has ended a few times but he has always come back full of love and hope. A few weeks ago he was very unkind to me so I ended it, in exasperation really. I did not mean it but he has had enough.He said he loves me but cannot do it any more. I am desolate. I really never saw the fall. My husband knows about the affair and does not care. To compound it the chap lives locally. I hope I am strong enough to move on. The bottom line is that affairs destroy. They wreck marriages, self-esteem, the lot. They muddle hearts and heads. I am now more alone than ever. I have a marriage in tatters and a failed affair with a man I adore. And if I am honest, this man has walked away without a backwards glance. He knows where I am and has made no attempt to come back, so for him it is over. Just like that! I will never forget him, which is the punishment I must endure, I imagine. Because the worst of it is that I brought all this upon myself.
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