A
male
age
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*OUM1983
writes:My girlfriend has a friend that is a personal trainer that she has known for 15 years. She states that she has no romantic interest or physical attraction for him. Yet she fields numerous texts, emails and phone calls per week. He is a confident in her life and I have spoken to her about the general nature of their relationship. He trains her for free, despite living more than an hour away. He has offered his services as a go between in her former relationship. She has had lunch(es) with him. I have finally decided to end our relationship. I have given this more thought than it deserves. I believe I am correct. What does everyone else think?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 March 2013):
 hey buddy. :)
only you know what is best for you. if it was making you so uncomfortable that it was causing significant distress, than you did the right thing - for yourself. i know this has been upsetting you.
i still maintain that it's possible it was innocent. but that's neither here nor there. if YOU couldn't handle it, then you need to find another girl who you're secure with. keep in mind though, coming from those of us who share in trust issues - it's HARD to find people we inherantly trust because we lack the overall ability to give people the benefit of the doubt when things are in question. you may find that in every other relationship, you'll discover things that bother you or make you insecure, also. it's not a fun feeling.
anyway, best of luck. and only you can know if this was the best decision for you. if you feel that you can sleep better at night now not worrying about what's going on with her and that guy, then you've made the right choice. :) good luck friend!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): I can see your point. My marriage ended because of my relationship with my trainer. He ended up being a sleaze but I have to tell you as a girl who went through it, these relationships can easily turn into something more than a client-trainer relationship and it is very easy to cross the line. They are highly toxic and addictive. Once your trainer turns into your friend and confidant, there is trouble ahead. And there is no looking back. The attention he gives you provides you with this crazy high and you keep going back for more. She is probably addicted to his attention. The fact they have remained close for many years is a problem. Where there is smoke, there is fire. Trainers and clients should always keep it professional. If they start to cross those boundaries, then temptation sets in and it almost always wins in the end... Trainers must be careful about this fine line if they want to remain in business because a relationship that begins to mix personal and professional can go south very quickly. Very dangerous line to cross.There was a lot of flirting with my trainer and I, exchanged looks, texting, innuendo, touching, etc. It can and does turn into something more.When you spend this much time with someone, don't fool yourself into thinking it's only a friendship. It likely is not. I believe there is an attraction there. And if they haven't already acted on it, they will. So, yes, you are right to distance yourself. I do believe it is a matter of time before it escalates if it has not already...you just would never know it.My husband demanded that I gave up my "friendship" with my trainer and I flatly refused. If she refuses, you do have a clear and definite answer right there.Do what you feel is right in your heart. I believe you did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2013):
 I don't see a problem with her friendship with this guy but if you do then you did the right thing by ending the relationship.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is a good reason to end a relationship.
Do I think you over-reacted? Possibly. Would I end a relationship with my partner over their close long term friendship with someone of the opposite sex? Depends on lots of things, based on what you are saying I'm not sure... did she keep you and her friend separated? or were you welcome to join them for meals and other outings? To me that would be the key.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 March 2013):
As Cerubus said, you are correct simply because it bothered you. If you broke up with her because her poop stunk, you'd still be correct and have the right to find a woman with poop that smells like roses.
That's the great thing about dating; you're always chipping away trying to find YOUR version of perfect.
Now if the question is would I have broke up with her, I'd have to give it more thought. It depends on how well I trusted her and if I knew the guy's intentions were to be intimate with her (and she knew too). I don't think there's anything wrong with opposite sex friendships though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Yes you are correct. Now I don't know their relationship or friendship or whatever but it's irrelevant. The simple fact is you're 100% uncomfortable with it, you can't demand that they not be friends as that simply would not be fair and I don't see how you can just accept it so you were right to move on.
I don't know if I would have done the same as you but I definitely can't criticize your decision, you know what's right for you, you know your boundaries and comfort zone and she's too far across those so you had not choice.
It really doesn't matter how innocent it is, for you it's too much and they're too close. You were right to walk away.
There are some times when a platonic relationship feels like it's too close and this friendship was for you and it encroached on your relationship too much.
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