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age
,
anonymous
writes: I cheated on my husband with a family friend. Husband does not know.I broke it off, but he won't let me be. He is persuing the family friendship in an effort to stay close to me. He doesn't care whether our spouses find out. We each have three kids. What should I do?
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affair, cheated on my husband, infidelity Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mephistophiles  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Well, well, well,
If it isn't my oldest of faithful servants, Infidelity. He would have to be hardest working of all my workers. The best thing about this worker is that he often leaves all and sundry between rock and a hard place.
It seems the adulterous male in this scenario is rather a cad it would seem. He doesn't really love or care for you and is happy as long as he gets his own way. Rather like the Hydra, you need will find this male will become a ongoing problem for you if you do not deal with him decisively. After all he does seem to be breaking a few of you know who's commandments doesn't he??
Tell you husband, and take your comeuppance like a big girl. After all you did do the deed didn't you... I am sure your husband and God will forgive you. I won't forgive because I think your Woooooonderful.
Well off to lunch with Sadam so TTFN
Yours in damnation
Mephistophiles
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Further to my other reply - think carefully about telling your husband as other people suggest. My sister had an affair, admitted it to her husband and now he makes her life hell. Although he is still with her in body, he's not there in in spirit (not put very well, but you know what I mean). He now goes his own way, messes her about, criticises her, makes arrangements for himself and excludes her etc. etc. She uploaded her guilt onto him and he's never forgiven her. I think it would be a good idea to go and see a counsellor for some guidance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): You need to really consider how to make this right, and not hide it.
If you do not come clean to your husband, you may well have serious difficulties in repairing the damage you have done by engaging in this dispicable affair.
I do not see any other way around this but to be honest with your husband and to protect your children.
This is no longer about what he can do to you, but what you have responsibility to do for your own life.
The friendship or relationship with the two of you and the respective spouces needs to be terminated fully. It is his problem about his wife and yours with your own family.
I would suggest you get some guidance from perhaps a councellor or similar to help you find the best and least distructive way to open up to your husband. You need to do this for your own sake and need help in how best to do it.
I would also suggest it needs to be soon! This guy will let it all out soon when he does not get his own way, he sounds terribly distructive and without any concern for others.
I see that it is going to come out and I think your the best person to tell your husband not him.
You will need to have some good reasons and good honest disclosure for your husband, so don't make the mistake by leaving anything out or having any grey areas that your husband does not understand.
Honey, this is time to face the music! And NEVER risk your life again as you have done.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (28 May 2008):
You've got yourself in a big mess here but I don't think it's wise to tell your husband, it will only make things worse. You may have to continue meeting this man as a sort of compromise for him, but keep it on a platonic level . Probrably not ideal but you will be keeping him half happy and half at a distance. Meet for a walk or coffee but avoid being completely alone. I'm your age but divorced and have found that romantic relationships very often turn into platonic friendhips eventually anyway. Hopefully you may be able to very slowly and very carefully distance yourself from him. But above all don't tell your husband because it will open up a whole can of worms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Not a lot you can do really.
This guy is obviously so infatuated, he doesn't give a shit who he hurts - dangerous.
As for you, you obviously don't give a shit about your husband and family, you can't have any respect for him at all.
Seems to me you're just worried that your unforgivable, despicable behaviour is about to become public knowledge.
Play with fire - expect to get burned.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 First of all, I think you should be honest with your husband about what happened.
Tell him you cheated, tell him you've ended it, that you regret it (You do, right?), and tell him the issues that this other man is now causing.
It may hurt your relationship, but honesty is always better than secrecy, and it will remove the threat of him finding out some other way.
And once he knows, you and your husband will be able to try and deal with this other man together.
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