A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my girl for like 3 yrs and i have been having a serious affair with a much hotter girl that i met on the train (randomly) for about 2.5 of those years (almost the whole time) my girl has absolutely no idea at all bcuz i am very very good about deleting emails/texts/screening my calls and stuff so she really doesnt know. i manage to please both sexually (but i prefer it with the hot girl than to w/ my real girlfriend) and i split the time up evenly (i just tell my gf i need to fill up on gas or work late or that i feel tired)....ive been juggling them both for so long and i feel very guilty because my girlfriend trusts me sooo much we have never had a single fight about trust issues or jealousy issue or anything, she trusts me 100% and loves me with all her heart... i love her too, she is more fun to hang with than the other girl, she is also smarter and funnier and kinder... but the other girl is so good at sex and she is so attractive (like a playboy model or something) that i dont think i can give her up.... if i dump her than my gf wont be good enough... she just isnt as atractive.. she has some flab.. shes not fat (she weighs like 120) but she isnt hot enough..but i love her..so i dunno- do i dump my girlfriendfor the hot girl or not???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): OK I know this post is old but I can sympathize with this guy. You have to find a girl with whom you are happy. That means hot and cool to be with. Or at least find a really cool, average girl that you can be in love with enough to forget about her physical shortcomings.
For now, I would break it off with your girlfriend, but don't tell her why. It will only hurt her, it won't help her at all, and it is selfish because you will feel better for getting it off your chest but she will not. To all those who say "she deserves to know", no, unless she is an awful person she doesn't need to know her relationship has been a lie. It would be very cruel to tell her.
On the other hand, enjoy the hottie, her body, and the sex until you find a girl that fulfills all of your requirements. Otherwise you will never be happy, and always looking at other girls.
I know because I have gone through similar situations with both types of girls (hot and ok, average and very cool). And unless I was completely satisfied with the girl, I was always thinking about other girls while I was with them.
Of course, all that bad karma adds up, and when you do find a girl with whom you are completely satisfied, she will probably dump you. That is what happened to me, at least. So I think things have equalized, hopefully, and the next relationship will be great.
A
female
reader, just-ask-xx  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 Okay, I was thinking about what I said and I realised, maybe I was a bit harsh. I guess. Anyways, I was wondering what has happened since then? Reply and I promise I won't be nasty =] But you have to admit, cheating isn't right!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Before all you females beat this poster to death, try reversing the situation for a second:"OMG! I have a BF that I like okay and all, but there is this other guy who is SO-O-O hot and I think he might like me too! Which one do I go for?"When these kinds of questions come up from girls, there is usually not a lot of support for the lesser-attractive guy, is there? The advice is usually a lot more like: "You can't help who you are attracted to and you've just gotta trust your heart. Go for it, girl!"
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A
female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (24 November 2007):
Wait!!!!! Everybody that has been saying dump your girlfriend, I don't think he should do that, I think that he should tell his gf so then SHE can dump him!!!!!!!! Much better plan.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): dump ur girlfriend. she deserves some1 betta than u. IM MY OPINION UR AN IDIOT FULLSTOP
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): there is only 1 thought that keeps me going when i read cruel selfish posts like this WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND and boy is it gonna come back round and punch you in your face. break up with your girl f and let her at least find someone decent who appreciates her and can see past "flab" as you so delicatley put it, which im sure is non existant. oh and to be and an expert at cheating is not something to be proud of its despicable
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Well aren't you a delight? How terribly unlucky are these two girls to have someone like you in their lives.
The very fact that you are willing to give up a smart, kind, fun girl because you think sex is more important shows you don't have the maturity to be in a serious relationship anyway and this girl deserves so much better than you.
If you want the "hot" girl then split up with your girlfriend and do it immediately. It's wrong to keep lying to her as you have done for the past 2 years (outrageous), it's disgusting that you've abused someone's trust this way.
And I hope that when either you find someone that's better than the "hot" girl and you cheat on her, or she realises what a scumbag you are and gets rid of you, you go crawling back to the fun, intelligent girl you threw away and she tells you to get lost.
I hope I've articulated how angry your post made me.
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A
male
reader, GingerPrinz +, writes (5 October 2007):
Do it, you'll end up miserable and your lady will end up better off. This is just desserts for the pair of you. Oh yeah, by the way, when the hot girl posts up here asking what she should do when she meets a hotter guy, I'll tell her to do the same.
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female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (5 October 2007):
So you've been going out with them both for al this time? Wow, you must be a pro, and don't take that as a compliment. I feel soo sorry for your gf. She thinks she's in love with a lying, cheating rat. I honestly feel sorry for her, so here is what you're going to do, and I'm telling you: Tell your gf what has been happening - all of it - and the other girl if she doesn't know and wait for a slapped face. You shouldn't cheat - it isn't right. Also, a girl's looks is not the most important thing!!! Take my advice, I don't usually tell, I suggest, but I don't come across guys like you. and usually, I say, with love, but for you, SIGNED just-ask-xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): You love your girlfriend so much, you are finding problems with her looks. As anon said, real love doesn't see them extra 5 lbs etc.
I think you should dump your girlfriend she deserves someone who loves her and who hasn't cheated for the majority of her relationship. How the hell would you like it to be done to you? I'm happy to say 'What goes around comes around', and then you'll know how it feels. If you REALLY loved her you wouldn't even think of leaving her for someone 'hotter' or even want to cheat on her anyway...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Stay with your gf. trust me on this one
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I agree with Uncle Phil, he's hit the nail on the head!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): umm pretty sure that what you are doing is wrong. sorry, but like, think for a second - does the other girl (non-girlfriend) know that you have a girlfriend? If she does, than shes just as bad as you. maybe she could be doing the same thing to you as you are to your girlfriend, you wouldn't know. to be honest, i think you should tell your girlfriend what you've been doning. its been going on for way too long. my guess is that your girlfriend will break up with you. but you will feel less guilty. as for the other girl, stay with her if you feel its right... i dont know... its a personal decision. good luck x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I tell you what is going to happen (which you already know)! Your going to either leave your girlfriend for the sexier girl because you think you deserve more OR your girlfriend is going to find out and leave you. You need to be honest and end the relationship with your girlfriend because she does not deserve that kind of treatment and you don't deserve her love. If you think hard about it, you know that you don't really love her (in that way), you just fill comfortable with her. I have been married for 3 years (together 5). Real love does not see that extra five pounds of flab, and if it does, it does not care. Real love never wants to hurt or betray or lie. I am not physically perfert and neither is my husband, but we have nerve been so attracted to each other. What is so sad about your story is that you will end up losing your girlfriend relizing that you lost the best thing that ever happened to you. And by the why woman love to please their man, if you desire more sexually all you probably had to do was tell you gf and I am sure she would have tried to please you. And one more thing, what pisses woman off the most is wasting time on losers, so don't waste anymore of her time.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (5 October 2007):
 I feel so sorry for your girlfriend that she is in love with a complete lying cheat, you cant love your girlfriend much if your lying to her all the time and sharing your time with another girl just for sex, do her a favour tell her whats going on and i hope she dumps your sorry ass and tells all her friends what a lying scumbag you are, girls looks fade over time so your willing to devestate your 3 year girlfriend who you love just because someone is hotter then her and better in bed? Wow i think thats so shallow, you have more fun with your girlfriend but want to ruin all that for a hot girl who is probably sleeping around with many other people. Maybe you should think with your brain.
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Some people are more into sex than they are into love. You sound like you might be one of those people, not your fault, but there you go. So I'd break it off with your poor girlfriend before she gets hurt, because it sounds like that's what you really want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I think you kid yourself - how can you possibly love her if you're carrying on like this?
You should be ashamed of yourself. Perhaps you're proud of yourself though, for being so successful at being such a complete plonker.
It would please me no end if you discovered that the hot girl wasn't exclusive to you and passed on some undesirable ailment. But that would not be good for the girl you're deceiving in such a magnificent way. Let me have her email and I'll be only too pleased to let her know what you're up to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Hmm, decisions decisions...
Have you thought about dumping them both?
That's the only way you are going to find someone who has the qualities like your girlfriend but also the hotness of the girl you are sleeping with.
I can understand that you don't want to break up with your girlfriend, but your relationship has been based on lies and your girlfriend doesn't really love the real you - she loves the person you are pretending to be.
I can't believe you've put yourself through so much stress for such a long time! I'm sure it will feel amazing that you no longer have to keep lying to people on a daily basis for years on end?
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