A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 5 years, and lived together for 4. We met at the age of 21/22 while at University and had an incredible bond. We've grown together but during the final year I started to get depressed because my life wasn't where I thought it should be. I had dreams and passions, and although I have an good job with good pay and lots of flexibility I felt I needed to change something. So I dumped her. We carried on living in the same roof for 6 weeks before we moved to separate shared accomodation, but I instantly felt a huge sense of freedom. I became incredibly confident, determined, bought new clothes, new music, partied, slept other girls. My status in my job and my freedom went to my head and I felt invincible and full of passion. However, what comes up must come down. I thought I had found the natural me, and was somewhat replicating a friend of mine who is always on top of life, is single, very successful. However, I hit a lack of energy which has lasted weeks. My job, which requires lots of travel, has been just as demanding as it has ever been. I have moved to the other side of town (which is also where she has moved), and happens to be closer to our friends. It's hard to see mutual friends now. And I miss my ex. But I still want freedom! She wants to start dating, but friends I ask say I should have a "clean break" because they assume I must have had some big problems with the relationship. I just don't know what to do. My work doesn't allow me enough time in one place to form new solid relationships. I am always travelling! My ex was the one stable thing in my life. Maybe I freaked out and acted to hastily? I don’t even know if I want to start a new life with new friends now! I can’t concentrate on work because this is eating me up! Help!My last post, for which I got some nice replies, is copied here:My girlfriend and I started dating at 21, and moved in together a year later. We lived toghether during out last year at University. We're now 25 and have been going out for four years. For the first 3 years we were very close. Nothing could come between us. We both steered our lives together and even moved countries together. I've gotten really depressed recently and I don't know why. I've decided that I am going to change my career which has made me a bit more happy, but still feeling a ball of sadness inside me. My romantic feelings for her are not there at the moment and are replaced with insecurity and low self-esteem, yet I desperately care about her and want to feel them again. Recently I kind of "freaked out" because she generally wants to move things forwards and start "building" for the future ie spending more money on ornaments/furniture for our rented flat etc, yet I feel that I want to be a bit carefree for a while. I want to lead a life with less seriousness, more potential and opportunity in terms of music, arts and career. In being unhappy I projected this all onto her and greatly hurt her by blaming her for my unhappiness. She doesn't control or limit me in an active way, in fact she is supportive of my creative ideas. However she is not really interested in the same type of musical culture that I would so much like to indulge in. My tastes seem slightly "immature" to her, she is into politics, economy and academic debate. Our differences were always a good thing and we both loved talking for hours. Now she is asking me whether or not I want to be her boyfriend any longer. Splitting up will be akward as we also share friends. Without her I will have to start from scratch, but it will be even worse for her as this is not her home country and it is mine. She is just about to start a great job after studying for a year. Perhaps she will make new friends and can get a bit more space? Please help, very confused. I forgot to say that she is a real hard-to-find gem. Very attractive, stable, and healthy girl. In the bottom of my heart, I know that if I split up with her I will spend a relatively short time going in a large circle and then wishing I had her back and regretting letting such an amazing girl go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Hi Hunny
I just wrote loads then this computor nearly went through the window as it went wrong again!!!!!
Im starting again..
Well sometimes in life we are going from day to day in a routine and things feel mundane and boring and we feel that there has to be something else out there that is better than what we have so we go and look for it. We have a great time and then our bodys start to tell us we are worn out then our head joins in and then does the depression as we think and we think of negative things and cant get them out of our heads as we are just in the circle of life and not knowing how to break that circle as we are stuck.. depression is a hard and horrible illness to come out of but it is possible as ive been there and done it sweetheart.. Im sending you a link hunny you need time to think you canot go rushing back and forth into a relationship when you are fighting this depression you can ask for support but you need to get a little stronger before you make huge decitions in life or you will go round and round that circle not being able to break free.
http://www.fightingdepression.co.uk/Beating_depression/
You need to see a doctor love and get some advise, Everything that is going on you can explain to your friends and g/f that at this moment you dont no what is happening but your not feeling to good you dont want to hurt anyone but you have to think about your health and get strong to deal with these things, As its all got on top of you, There is quite alot of info on that site so I hope it helps and book that ap hunny, You will feel better and you will no what you want in time once the fog has cleared and you feel yourself again TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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