A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my girlfriend/complicated relationship deeply, I can see a life, kids, and marriage with her, she is my everything. I had an ex-fiance though that came into the relationship after the first 6 months and my feelings came back for her. Everything was perfect before this.I broke up with my girlfriend eventually due to the guilt and feelings that I had for my ex still. We eventually got back together and it happened again, this time though I cheated on her. It was one of those what-if things that you needed to figure out to move on, hard to explain.I'm over my ex now, fully over and never going back. The girl I want to be with wants to get back together and I do too, what we had was great. I have a guilty consious though, I have apologized deeply for breaking up due to the feelings, but I have never told her about the cheating. If I do, she would leave me and never see me again.I see it as a burden that I need to carry myself and never bring out. I was the one who did the wrong thing and I should be the one who has to deal with it, I've already hurt her enough through this ordeal. Telling her is not an option.How do you go about life with this in the back of your mind? I wish I could wipe it from my memory and never look back. I have learned a lot from it though and have finally gotten over my ex.
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, got back together, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Do not tell her. Absolutely do not. You have done something that makes you feel guilty - it is totally selfish to now unload some of your burden on an innocent party. She doesn't need to know - this is not ongoing activity and you are confident in yourself that you're over your ex. Deal with this on your own. Telling her will make her distrust you and that will damage your relationship, as you are now someone who can be trusted. Don't beat yourself up over this. People make mistakes and you have learned from yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): I personally do not think you should ease your conscience by telling your gf. I do think you need to make sure you have not contracted any diseases, so get tested. I would never want to hurt someone I love by making them ill - so this is your duty and responsibility.
I also think you could probably do with some therapy to see why you did it and how to get on with your life. Learn the lesson and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): Thanks for the replies. In reply to the cheating happen ever again, it won't. And I'm not just saying it, it has torn me apart inside and I feel like scum when I think of it. Cheating is the worse thing you can do.
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (5 June 2009):
 Honestly i dont see it as cheating on her as you guys were broken up right? If your guilty about it tell her. You pretty much slept with your ex to see if your gf was really the one and thats how it goes sometimes.It does take that to realise how much you like or love someone it did to me, so tell her the truth if she really loves you she wont leave. If she does then she wasnt worth it and you'll find someone who is.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): If you get back with this girl you need to be 100% sure that the cheating will not happen again as it would not be fair to her if it was to happen again. If telling her about the cheating is really not an option and you really do want to get back with her then you will just have to learn how to live with the guilt. Everyone makes mistakes in life-at least you know that what you did was wrong that really is a good start. I don't know of a way to forget about it completely but you can start by forgiving yourself and as I said earlier, realising that people make mistakes in life and as long as they learn from them and don't make the same mistake twice then you're on your way to being a better person. Good luck with your relationship!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Hey, definitely read Opening up: A guide to creating and sustaining open relationships. If you can be honest with your girlfriend (or any other girl you might date after her) before getting married, you will have a much deeper, fulfilling relationship. If you have to keep something like this secret or she'll dump you, then you have the wrong girl.
...............................
|
