A
female
age
30-35,
*iralight
writes:I just started seeing this guy I met on the internet a few weeks ago. He is 20 and I am 21. I have always dated guys who are older than me because I have always just been attracted to someone who is more mature. But I decided to give this a try because I started thinking maybe there wasn't anything wrong with younger guys I just hadn't really given them a chance. We live about a half an hour away from each other so its not hard to see each other, tho it is a bit of a drive. Things started out really fast, we skyped for about a week every night and told each other we loved each other and how much we were into each other. Then when we finally met in person an the chemistry was amazing. We literally spent most of the next 4 days together, at each other's houses. We got intimate really quickly. But he continues to constantly say I love you and tell me how beautiful I am and ask if everything he does turns me on. And to be honest, very few things are more of a turn off for me than my partner wanting constant reassurance of my love and affection for them. I have told him that I don't think we always need to say I love you because it makes expectations really high and I'd rather show him how much I care for him but when I don't say it back he thinks it means I'm thinking that I don't love him. So I told him I think we should slow down somewhat and try to do other things than spend all our time together being intimate because I don't work like that, I'm not always turned on and I just like to do other things with someone I'm with. But he thinks I just don't want to see him.. So we've settled for webcamming now when we're not together in person. He likes to sit there the whole time and just look at me and tell me how much he loves me and can't wait to see me again. He said his last girlfriend broke up with him after a couple months because he was too insecure. I don't think I can last that long unless things change. I don't know what to do or how to tell him that I care about him even if I'm not saying so every two minutes.
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broke up, I love you, insecure, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Ouchies.. .I don't foresee a good outcome here..
it's hard to go backwards in these relationships.
I think you should let him know that you are going to have to revamp the rules of the relationship ASAP and if he is too insecure to cope as much as yo like him... you will have to end the friendship....
Explain to him that it's his insecurity and desperation that's causing the problem.... suggest that perhaps he wants to find a therapist to help him determine why he has this need to be OUT THERE 100% of the time.
my ex husband was like this man... and in the end what i learned was he didn't' love me... he couldn't... he couldn't love himself how could he love me?
now i am with a man that loves me more than life itself but he NEVER says I love you.... occasionally I miss it but for the most part i accept that not hearing I love you does not mean he doesn't love me.. his actions tell me he loves me.
I don't know if you can get the guy you are with to learn to hear it less... he needs to hear it... but he needs to learn to love himself first...
A
female
reader, kiralight +, writes (23 April 2012):
kiralight is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Glacier: thanks for your advice! you're right what we were calling love was probably just a wave of attraction you get with meeting someone new and also from not having been in a relationship all the time. And you're so right there are other things to do in life and I want to have my own life too not just one where i spend 24/7 with him.
@TrancedRhythmEar: thanks for your perspective. He attracted me physically but the more time I spend with him the less attracted to him I feel intellectually.
@Thisiscrazy: Thanks for your response. Youre right, saying I love you is a big can of worms esp if you arent really 100% sure yet you mean those words all the way. I have defeinitely learned a lesson and feel terrible that I led him on by saying it to him initilaly too.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 Sorry to say but as soon as you said I love you to him after a week you opened up that can of worms . Love s a word that is used so freely but it should mean so much more . He on the other hand sounds very very strange and I would be thinking long and hard if you are going to cope with someone like that or end it now rather than later. Now Mabey this has shown you how strong words really are
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 This guy is a clinger big time. Annoying. He is also confusing possible infatuation with love a clear sign n red flag about maturity. As far as i can tell how has this guy even attracted u? Physical? Really id be weary of continuing this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (22 April 2012):
So you guys only Skyped for a week and already told you love each other? Love is something which doesn't come that quickly really.
I'd say you guys have a big crush on each other, which is okay and nice, but it's not love. That takes times to develop.
There's really no need to reassure each other all the time. You'll want to educate him a bit here. You seem to understand it a bit better than him. You guys shouldn't be together all the time. There are other things in life. Don't waste those.
Quality time together is more important than how many times (quantity).
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