A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm a lesbian. Recently a woman on a dating site messaged me. She seems very lovely as she is beautiful, smart, funny and we have a lot in common. The problem is, she's married to a man. It sounds like they have an open relationship deal or he is at least cool with her going out with women. Ordinarily I would never seek this out but I was very drawn to her. After chatting for a few days we decided to meet and I was immediately very smitten. It was one of the best dates I've had in awhile. We didn't really discuss her relationship/she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. It seems like something she wants to keep very separate, meaning I would never meet him, etc. I've never done a polyamory thing before and I don't know how I feel about it. We are going out again in a couple days as we both agreed we would love to see each other. I guess I don't know if I'm chasing after something unrealistic. I don't want to waste my time or invest feelings if they are not going to be returned/I'm sharing her with someone else. Has anyone gone through something similar? Need some advice.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 December 2013):
 I think you already know that this would be a very bad deal for you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2013):
 OPEN marriages CAN work especially if it's because one partner is bisexual and is seeking what they do not have in the marriage but I have ONE caveat.
DO NOT continue with this woman without making sure her husband is on board and is ok with it. that means meeting him.
IF she continues to refuse to allow you to meet him (as a friend) then it's NOT poly..it's CHEATING. POLY couples do NOT hide anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2013):
 I wouldn't touch a married person if they were the last one out there for me to hook up with. And then having an open marriage or not, it's NOTHING but drama.
YOU will be sharing her. With her husband and possible other people. You will just be a f-buddy. Or a thing on the side.
Not to be too graphic here, but if you eat her "muffin".. you know that her husband PROBABLY use that too, but in a VERY different way.
I think you are in for a world of hurt, emotionally, if you decide to move forward with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2013): Well, it doesn't sound like you'll ever be her one and only. At the very best, you would be sharing her with her husband. If that is something you cannot do (and you say you cannot) then you need to get out quick. These types of relationships are beyond complicated, being so unsure at the beginning is a sign for worse to come.
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