A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am about to start uni and I have a problem. I hate partying, clubbing, and drinking. When friends invite me to things in the past I usually try to come up with an excuse not to go. I force myself to go to really important occasions like birthdays. It drives me crazy though. I've tried to force myself to like "social events" but they always leave me feeling sick. The constant insecurity beforehand, then drinking during, forcing yourself to talk about shit you don't even care about, and constantly acting like a cooler more refined version of yourself in the hopes of maybe having some drunk girl who used to be your friend make out with you. For me it all seems so fake, stupid, and boring. Dancing is terrible.Freshers' week is coming up, which is a week of partying, clubbing, and events for first year students. The problem is I want to be a normal guy. I mean, I am a normal guy but I have to make a good impression otherwise people will think I'm a hermit. I've been looking online though, and Fresher's week is not something you can make an excuse to miss. I am so sick of all this partying shit. I'm starting to feel older, and like I need to focus and use these vital years to learn and share ideas with people. Why is it so hard to to find people who don't want to waste their lives doing superficial garbage?Sorry if I sound angry it's just that I feel very stuck. I want to be a cool guy who meets people and not be some really nerdy hermit, but at the same time I want to break away from doing the things I hate. How can I remain cool with people without ever going to parties or clubbing? Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess the best I can do is try not to let being "normal" get to me. It's going to take a lot of will power to not get sucked into this lifestyle again. Thank you for your answers.
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 I've been in a very similar situation. All my friends ever wanted to do was drink, go clubbing, and hook up with men. I never understood why people would think drinking themselves into a coma was a fun way to pass time, and felt like such an outsider. They constantly tried to make me look and act more like everyone else. I was miserable with my situation and dreaded going out with said 'friends', but because I didn't know anyone else, went along with it for the sake of not staying home on a Saturday night. At the time I had been convinced this was what everyone my age was like. Eventually I sought out new friends, and everything changed. The only thing you can really do is find people with similar interests, and try not to be concerned with what other people might think. They'll respect you more for being true to yourself, and those who don't clearly haven't matured past the mentality of a twelve year old. Forcing yourself to be someone you're not is incredibly draining emotionally, and you'll be happier in the end.
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