A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three months. Everything was perfectly fine until he got this new job about a month ago. Now he works eight hours a day for five or six days a week depending on what kind of work he's doing, and some days he has class for a few hours after that. And he's a month and a half behind in his classwork. He's always busy on his day off. I haven't seen him in a month, he hasn't told me he loves me in over two weeks, and sometimes I go days without talking to him. I always try to send him a text every day telling him that I love him and to have a good day at work, and it's upsetting me that he's not acknowledging me. I know he's really busy and he has a lot on his plate right now. I get that. But I think it's ridiculous that he can't take a few seconds out of his busy schedule to send me an "I love you" text or something. It would mean so much to me, and I don't think it's a lot to ask for. And I'm starting to wonder if I did something wrong or if he just changed his mind about us. I've been trying to ask him what's wrong, but I never get any type of answer. I'm assuming that he would have told me by now if something was wrong, so maybe I'm just being paranoid about it. I know we'll be fine if we work something out, but I don't know what to do. Obviously what I'm doing now isn't working. Since we just kind of started dating and things started out well, I have hope that we may be able to get back to that once he gets caught up or something. I'm not one who gives up easily, so I don't want to break up with him. I see this as a challenge that we need to work through. It seems silly to end the relationship just because he got a new job and his schedule is different. We were so happy a couple months ago, and one thing like this shouldn't cause our relationship to take a drastic turn in the opposite direction. I keep hoping that I just need a little time to get used to his new schedule and everything will work itself out, but I have my doubts too. There has to be something I can do to fix it, but I don't know what to do. I love him, and I don't want to see it end this way. Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): yes there is something you can do, which is to learn to not freak out so much about this. it's normal for relationships to start off more intense and then fade some. it's normal for relationships to take a backseat in people's lives occasionally when they have other immediate and pressing things that need their attention. Some day it will be you who will be super busy and stressed out and not having as much time as him. Healthy relationships can adapt to each person's changing situation, they don't demand that things stay exactly the way they are for ever. So for now, unless he hasn't said anything to you about being unhappy with you, just relax and go with the flow.
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