A
female
age
30-35,
*ake_love
writes:i need you to help me in my relationshipI've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months, but now i think he is cheating on me. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, i know about the girl he has been in contact with at the same time. she is outside the country... we are in the same country, but cant see each other a lot. So only once each 2 weeksI think he is cheating on me... they facebook each other very often... they are talking more and more through these phone apps, having direct calls and stuff.He is being extra super nice, more nice than when he talks to me... he sends her stuff to read... should i be worried?!I asked him if he could please reduce the amount they talk to each other, i think it has increased! I asked him and I said I don't want to be like your mother (his father is cheating on his mother )His mother can't do anything( he told me that he will not put me through that kind of relaionship, and if he starts to feel something wrong towards me, then he'll tell me that we cant contine)But im afraid that this talking all the time with her will lead him from friendship to a relaionshipI told him that she likes your statuss on facebook a lot, she no longer likes things he posts, is this something else i should worry about!!!! should i ask him on christmas eve what he's been saying to her? im afraid that would spark a fight, i i dont want to make a fight,especially that imknown for ruining his birthdays lol... because people come at the least expected time, ruin my plans so i get mad :P so please help.Should i be worried about the two of them??should i tell him on christmas?? please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): Even if there could be a fight it would be worse to let it just eat away at you. You should sit down with him and talk this through, if he cares then he shouldn't be angry as long as you keep a cool head and don't attack the situation or him.
You should probably think this through first. Why would you think that he would cheat on you? Has he been known to lie? Think about how to approach the situation too. Such as if it was the other way around would you want him constantly asking the same questions to you? I would recommend that you not ask for his chat logs.
I know how hard long distance relationships are, there's doubts since you can't always be there for the person you're with. However, trust is important to any relationship especially if it's an ldr. If you can't trust your boyfriend then maybe it's just not working out, you should probably even ask yourself if it's even worth continuing.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): Trust your gut instinct on this if there is enough to make you suspicious then just sit him down calmly and ask him in a grown up way whats going on. He could lie but hopefully not. Once some people get this sort of thing in their head its game over anyway do you still trust him and if not is it worth carrying on? You cant control who he speaks with and asking him to stop it will make him resent you for it.
I hate stupid facebook people put far too much of their lives on there and its caused me no end of trouble in my previous relationship!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2011):
This is the problem with LDR's. It's very hard to make these work, and when one person gets it in their head that something is going on, then you're in trouble.
You clearly don't trust him at all. Not a bit. Not only that, but you're making assumptions left right and centre that aren't really based upon anything. Yes, they have contact. But there is no proof whatsoever that he's cheating. You also have no proof that he actually spends that much time talking to her. The only thing you have is the facebook posts, and that's pretty much it. To top it off, she's not even in the same country.
To be honest, I don't really see how your relationship is going to work. You've admitted that you've ruined his birthdays before, and now you seem to want a fight on Christmas Eve. No offence here, but you seem to be creating quite a lot of drama over her from nothing.
My suggestion to you is that you sit and really think about whether this is working for you in any way whatsoever. You don't see each other that much, and you're becoming increasingly paranoid. I'm not sure that this relationship is going to work out for you. Maybe you need to think about that rather than go out of your way to pick a fight over something where, if he is cheating, he can just lie anyway - though I really can't see anything at all that suggests he is cheating.
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