A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. I like him a lot and I'd like to have the whole long term relationship/fall in love bit with him but I'm scared he's not into that. Like he's not into me as much as I am into him. For instance, I said "I love your kisses" and he said "I like them very much too." Am I reading too much into that? I don't want to be one of those couples where she puts her heart into it and he ends up breaking it. If there is a reason to be concerned, what should I do? Break up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I think it is plain from your example that he's afraid of saying the word "love" just yet. Look how he avoided it so neatly! He was careful to return the sentiment but saying "I like... very much" instead of the Dreaded L Word. After all, three months is pretty early for a guy to be saying it, I would say. Even if it's not "I love you" just the word "love" by itself can be scary.
Maybe you need to ask yourself why you want the whole long term relationship/fall in love thing. Do you have this "it's about time" kind of feeling? Are a lot of your friends in serious relationships? Do you tend to make every dating relationship a serious/romantic one and that's the only kind you're comfortable with? Or do you want this kind of relationship because he's a guy you feel very strongly about?
If it's any of those reasons besides that last reason, I think you need to think about that reason for a long time. Explore your feelings on it, either in your head, on paper (maybe a journal entry, or even a Word document--you can quit without saving if you want), or out loud to yourself under your breath. Talk it out. Figure it out. Because your relationships should be about YOU and HIM, not societal expectations or anything.
If you want this relationship to be long term and romantic because you feel very strongly about this guy, then give him the time he needs to feel comfortable. When he's ready to use the L Word, he will. It may take him more time than you'd like. You may have to force yourself to be patient. But instead of thinking of it as forcing, think of it as being loving enough to give him space to feel safe. He needs to feel safe when he's saying it, so it will be genuine. And then won't it feel so much better when you hear it and know it is genuine? :-)
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I understand how you feel, you are holding back because you feel like he's not meeting you half way. I would take a step back as well if a guy said that to me. Perhaps he was being funny?? he may not feel comfortable with intimacy or he just likes receiving compliments and he was all full of himself..............no way to know for sure unless you talk to him. Just tell him how you feel and what you want out of this relationship and if he is open to it or feels the same way then you've got a good one, if he is uncomfortable or rude then you know he doesn't feel the same and you can make a decision at that time.
Good luck hun.................:)
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