A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy now and again for the past year. It started out as a friendship but last year was difficult because he was going through a difficult divorce and he was quite distressed about everything. His wife told him that he had made her suffer a lot over the 15 years they were together and he told me that he didn't even know she felt that way until they divorced. We haven't slept together yet but this year we have become closer but I still only see him about once a month on a personal level and about once a week on a professional level as we work in same industry. We share his bed when I stay but do not make love. He told me that he knew we could go a lot further in our relationship but because of the divorce and having freedom after so long, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to even stay in the country. Then last night at his place we had drunk a lot and were dancing together (another friend was there also) and he suddenly said, you know I do love you, I think you're beautiful, cute and I adore you. And you're an an extraordinary woman and you're sexy. Sometimes you're difficult but I like it - it makes you more interesting. But because of what my wife said, i feel like I have to stay on my own for now to work things out and I don't want to make you suffer. I was really surprised to hear the words and he knows I have feelings for him. But then when we were dancing, he started to kiss me and put his arms round me. We went to bed together and for the first time we took our tops off and went to sleep in each other's arms. I told him that we couldn't stay somewhere between friends and lovers for ever and he just said, 'it will happen'. He got up early and went to work so I haven't spoken to him and I don't know when we'll next have an evening together. He is very popular and gregarious and there are always other people around. I think he feels safe this way. But now we have kind of crossed a line, I really don't know how to behave and I don't want to push him into a relationship but I can't hang around indefinitely. I know I should see other men but i find it difficult because I just love him. If I didn't see him professionally, at least I could step back and not see him for a while to see if absence really makes the heart grow fonder!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Annalisa is so spot on. 15 years is a long time and it has dawned on him that it was his fault. Give this relationship some time so the chap can come to terms with things. i would imagine he would want to be on his own for a while so don't push him or rush him just be there for him when he needs you. I would see other men if I were you.
Also as hiskitten so brilliantly puts it someone who treated his wife not very well for so long isn't a particularly good catch.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (12 September 2008):
 I totally agree with the others, its a bad idea to hang around for someone thats not ready. It sounds like it could end in disaster, and thats the last thing you need. If I were you I would move on, because 1, you could meet the man of your dreams, or 2, he will certainly find out if he is ready when he knows your dating other men.
Maybe he wont be bothered maybe he will! who knows what's going through his head. But you have to think of yourself, and move along with life.
Good luck sweetie XX
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (12 September 2008):
 He doesn't sound ready, its as simple as that, from what you had put there anyway.
When he was drunk that was different, i could do and say loads when i'm drunk, then regret it the next day, i have done in the past. You learn the older you get i think.
Someone thats been married 15 yr and who's wife is saying he made their life tough, doesn't sound a good idea or a good catch to me.
C xxxx
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