A
female
age
30-35,
*airdresser89
writes:I need desperate help. My clingyness and neediness is overwhelming and ruining a potential relationship.I am 23 years old and have been seeing a man who is 32. We have been "talking" or "seeing eachother" for about a month now. Right off the bat, I told him that I am not looking for a just a "hook up" and am not looking for just sex. He replied that he wasn't looking for a relationship BUT he does want to get to know me and whatever happens down the road happens. I agreed because I really did feel I could get along with him. So a week and a half goes by and we started seeing each other more, then I started staying the night at his house. He started asking me to stay almost every night for about a week and of course we did end up having sex. Some nights we wouldn't, though. Neither of us like sleeping alone so we would just cuddle and wake up in the morning, kiss each other goodbye and do it all over again that night. We went out to places together and he showed not a lot, but some affection in public. So last week, I took a vacation to Florida and he rarely talked to me much. We still talked every day but the conversations were short. The night I got back this past Sunday, he was begging me to come stay the night with him, so of course I did, because I missed him. And when I got there, he was the sweetest he could have ever been. Was saying things that I would have never expected him to say and was just being down right adorable to me.The next morning, [this past monday] his phone got shut off. I never mentioned that he lives with a roommate MY AGE. They work together so they carpool and since his phone has been shut off, he has been using his roommates to get a hold of me. Last night he got ahold of me and asked me to stay the night again and I did, and he was again being the sweetest he could ever be. Even more sweet than the previous Sunday. He was calling me "baby" and kissed me at least 10 times before I went to bed [I had to get up early for work, he wanted to stay up] I woke up with him the next morning, he kissed me goodbye and I was off to work. Getting a hold of him has been a nightmare since Monday and I don't want to blow his roommates phone up so I've been trying my best to avoid even looking at that number unless he is calling or texting me from it. Well today was his off day and he spent the day time with his daughter. He knew I got off work at 4pm and he called me right around 430 and asked if I wanted to do something with him and his roommate. I told him to call me back in a few since I was driving and I ended up calling him once I got home and his response was that they didn't know what to do and he would call me when they figure it out. I never heard from him again. It is now 1am and for some reason.. I am fuming. I'm mad for other reasons besides him not calling me, I am mad at the fact that I am restricted to getting ahold of him. I texted his roommate at around 11 and told him to tell my guy that I am going to bed and asked for him to call me. I never got a response. Another reason why I'm mad is because his roommate sleeps around, which hey that's his choice. But with my guy living with him, I'm worried that he will see what his roommate is doing and feel that he is missing out. And last but not least, I'm mad at myself for getting so upset and I feel like I am making up scenarios in my head that is keeping him from calling me. Like "he couldn't have fallen asleep, he was up until 3 or 4 am lastnight and slept in today" or "his roommate has girls over" or "his roommate is telling him im blowing his phone up and my guy doesnt want to seem weak and call me" I know the simple solution is to just wait it out, but thats what I need advice for. I can't wait it out without feeling so low about myself with all of this curiosity going on in my head. I expect the worst at all times in situations like this. I really do like this guy and although he wants to see what happens down the road, I feel like he is growing feelings for me, and I feel like I need to know steps to keep him interested. I feel like if he cared, he would call. Unless he is passed out sleeping, I don't know why he wouldn't. I always need reassurance and if I dont get it, I stress myself out. For those who have reached the end of my "book" I really do appreciate it and ANY advice you have for me would really make things a lot easier for me. Xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Glad we all helped, thanks for keeping us posted, wish you luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): I really do appreciate all of your responses. I do feel like there is more to say now that I know at least a few people get the gist of what's going on. I'm on my iPhone now but as soon as I get to my laptop, I will write back.
Thank you so so much! These were extremely helpful.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2012):
 why does a 32 year old man with a child have his phone cut off?
that to me is a HUGE issue.... HUGE.... what kind of a responsible person is he that he allowed his phone to be shut off without having another one?
as for the other issues...
he really has no way to get in touch with you so you have to chill
also: BE AWARE he WARNED you he was not interested in a relationship so later on down the road if you fall harder than you have already fallen, and he says "but I told you I didn't want a relationship" you have no griping allowed.
yes actions speak louder than words.. but in the case of "I don't want a relationship" that overrides that rule....
also the age of his roommate is irrelevant (other than at 32 he should really have his own place by now don't you think???)
and the fact that his roommate sleeps around should have no bearing on your partner... or you... it's non of your business... i see lots of folks doing things that I don't feel like I'm missing out.. just because someone does something doesn't mean I want to do it... that's really a leap of judgment here.. why would you think he would think he's missing something? do you think you are missing something..
he has a child.... does he have an ex wife as well?
lots of things that need to be addressed besides you thinking he doesn't care....
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A
female
reader, cats  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 I know it's tough but you have to stop over thinkin this, lik the guy said its only been a month. If your upset by how things are then change them. Don't be so available to him say no and make other plans with ur friends. Ul feel better if u give ur self some space from this guy, that's why ur annoyed ur allowing ur self to move too quickly and you know it. If you want this to work u can't hold on to him so tight. If he is going to lose interest he will, and probably faster if you can't relax. Give him a chance and let him do a bit of the running, u won't feel so tied down to his plans. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): The initial problem here is your frustration at your bf not having his own phone at the moment, his roommate is probably fed up too with the situation. Anyone would be!There are other ways to communicate, such as skype or msn ect.Although you want to see him all the time, its not healthy to only want to be with him all your spare time so keeping busy with whatever you can to try to stop yourself feeling like this is worth alot in these situation. try taking a bath, read a book, go for a walk/excercise, visit another friend, get into something good on tv, anything! Make yourself have more in your life than this man and you'll feel happier too.There's other ways to communicate too, try skype or msn until the phone is sorted out.Also, i see your writing this at 1am, so a good sleep is probably going to help loads!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): I think you need to chill out, the man is bothering his roommate with his phone in order to get a hold of you. He calls you soon after your done work(he thinks of you). Ya the guy is not always gonna call you or may not have you over every night because its only been ONE MONTH. You never know what may have happened, i wouldnt make a problem of him not calling back. He'll probably tell you tomorrow. Other than that if he is showing affection and you keep in contact by staying over or by text nearly everyday, thats good and keep learning about him.
hope that helps
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