A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I have been hurt in the past with other relationships so in the early part of my current relationship, I kept my "options" opened (my fault) but saw how amazing of a man my boyfriend is and realized I found the one so I stopped writing these people but forgot to delete them. He is very upset and says that he needs time. What should I do? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I dont want to lose him. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (12 December 2007):
Firstly i gotta disagree with rhythmandblues2.Your boyfriend's hurt and is trying to deal with things.I don't think he's trying to make an excuse of leaving you.Probably the guy was more committed than you from the start.Give him some TLC and just show him that you still love him very much.In short he's losing confidence and trust in you and you better help him regain them and see things your way.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Well, I don't think you are entirely at fault here....four months of dating is not that long unless you are a fruit fly, and keeping your options open is part of the dating process and how you find a compatible partner.
That said, if you were sexually intimate with him this leaving your options open can hurt emotionally, it would have been better if you could have become closer as friends first before having sex, but young people always rush the physical aspects of a relationship and right on cue after about 4 months, the guy usually tires of it all...sorry to say, he may be using this as an excuse to get out of your relationship.....try to learn from your mistake if you are wanting a long term relationship, withhold sex for as long as you can so the guy can focus on the relationship and on getting to know you and vice versa....sex comes with a deepening bond between you both.
If you want him back, I would not apologize over and over, I would not tell him that you love him over and over, I would say that you are sorry that he is offended by your writing friends, but that it was harmless and that you hope he comes to terms with it (he needs to grow up for goodness sake....did he even ever initiate "the talk" that he wanted to be exclusive? It doesn't sound like it if he accepted you keeping your options open....this sort of thing has to be agreed upon by two people not just one of them...he has no right to be that angry at you.
It is great that you realize your keeping your options open was somewhat due to past hurt, but it could also be your instincts trying to protect you not to go too fast and get too connected to a guy you have only been seeing for four months....give it time, as time is the test of how well you two really work together as a couple.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Are you saying you cheated on him?
Then he's gotta deal with it on his own.
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A
female
reader, Kali-Mah +, writes (12 December 2007):
This is a hard one, and it's kind of happened to me before. (For ages, I felt like there was 'something better' out there with all my boyfriends and I'm thankful I'm free of that now.) If thats how it is with you? Well give him a bit of time, then ask him to listen your story. Tell him how you were hurt in the past and how it affected you and that, being scared of getting hurt again you did what you did. Make him aware of how much he came to mean to you and that over time your 'options' became obselete. Don't be overdramatic about it, but don't act like what you did was no deal either. Let him know you just want him to understand why you did it. But don't ask him if he understands, as he may need time to think about what you tell him. Just don't put too much pressure on the subject. Wish you the best.
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