A
male
age
51-59,
*lacube
writes:Hello, i have been in a relationshipship with my girlfriend for 5 months. At the moment, she feels withdrawn from me. We don't live together, she lives in a different city. A few months ago, she had a miscarriage, she brought down, however our relationship stood the test, however within the last few weeks, she informed me that she is feeling depressed, she keeps saying to me, when she can't get her own way, that it would be best if we go our seperate ways. When i ask her if that's what she wants, she goes silient. I do love her very much, but i think she is slipping into a depresses mood. Now she has started drinking heavily which i am so concern about and have informed her that it does not solve the problem. It is affecting our communication. At present i feel to tell her that if she wants a break up i am glady to respect her, because, as i constantly text her to see how she is, i feel i am pestering her, which i am not. I am giving her her space, but i don't know what to do now. I do need some concrete advice. I don't want to loose her, but at the same time i don't want to her to think i am a pest. I would really appreciate so good advice on this matter. Thank you
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reader, Olacube +, writes (20 September 2014):
Olacube is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much J. I do appreciate your kind words. It has shed light on the topic and made me understand my partner's circumstances. Just add, as I don't live close to her and the communication between us is fading. I am not sure how I can assist her in getting medical attention. Last night sent her a message expressing feelings for her and she replied when I said that we have to work on our relationship, as well as I am here for her. All I got from her was a "Ye" I was quite puzzled by her answer. However I sent a bouquet of flowers to her. Not sure if she got it as I never heard anything from her. The disturbing about it all is that she meets with friends to drink but I don't get a look in. Of course I seldom drink. The crowd she is with is more a concern as I am not sure if they depend on alcohol and she has seeked avenues for her self destruction.
My dilemma is worsen over this woman I love. I just don't know what to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): First off, the emotional stress of miscarriage can be devastating for anyone involved so I can understand why she may have become depressed. If the depression is causing her to enguage in self destructive behaviours such as heavy drinking it is important that you seek medical help for her immediately. Most general practitioners will be able to direct you to the correct people to help her. If she has slipped into a depressive episode it is not uncommon for the affected individual to distance themselves from friends and loved ones in an attempt to shield them form the sufferers emotional turmoil. So suggesting that you break up and not following through may be her way of trying to protect you or keep you from having to "deal" with her current emotional state. Right now, though she may fight against it, she needs as much love and support as she can get to see her through. You may feel that you are pestering her, but I'm certain she appreciates your concern.Please make sure she gets seen by a medical professional, she may need counselling to begin to recover from the shock of the miscarriage wnd the depression which followed. Best of luck! J.
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