A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya, I'm a 16 year old girl who recently lost her brother to meningitis. We were exceptionally close, he was 10years older than me and as both my parents worked 12hours a day he was the one who helped me with homework, cooked dinner and put me to bed when I was younger. As we got older we stayed close, he still looked out for me and we did stuff together, went to the cinema, disco etc. I lost half of me when he died. I feel I can’t talk to my parents about him, because they are both suffering just as much, if not more. So I turned to my school. My school were fantastic, put in touch with counselors and offered me support and someone to talk to whenever I needed it. My problem now is that I have become particularly attached to my male history teacher. I’m really confused as to what my feelings for him are. Do I fancy him? or has he conveniently filled my brothers place? He’s always talking to me and when no one else is there hugs me. But is this just because he feels sorry for me? I’m leaving school in May and I’m dreading having to say goodbye to him. I don’t want to loose another person who has come to mean so much to me. What can I do? Should I tell him? Please please please help… I have no one else to ask for advice on this…Thank you x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, melissa. *  +, writes (19 January 2008):
you can always come back and visit him.That's what some of the kids at my school do when they leave. =]
A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I'm really sorry to hear about your brother, it must be very hard for you! But with this teacher in your life, it might make you feel worse. Because these feelings you have rarely develop into a relationship so you may end up heartbroken if he doesn't return your feelings! All i'm saying is that from experience, getting too attached to a teacher can crush your life. I used to be really depressed at one point, but i've kinda learnt to cope wiv it despite my feelings still being sooo strong for him.
Try your best to move on, the sooner the better. Because majority of pupils in this situation are forced to do so, unfortunately I've left it way too late (been obsessively crushing on my history teacher for about a year now) So when i leave in May, it'll just be torture!!!
Don't let it get you down! All the best xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): You have formed a natural attachment and you have recognised your feelings are confused. There is nothing wrong with needing support and some affection (friendly) from people in authority or other friends. However recognise this experience as helping you to define your boundaries - what you feel comfortable with and what is perhaps starting to cross the line. Perhaps you need to join some clubs or other things with mixed groups in - male and female - so that you can form healthy friendships with guys. It is really important to do this as you may be tempted to form an intense relationship with a boyfriend to ease your pain instead. I'm not saying boyfriends are wrong but just go steady as you need to build positives in your life - and many of them. I always felt I wished I had had an older brother looking out for me and instead I had two guys as my best friends at school. Your teacher is obviously a caring guy but his role is as a teacher and he will not wish to compromise that, or you, for any other reason. People often talk of a support network - different people in your life that provide different types of support. Try and write down a list of people that you know (all kinds) and what they mean to you or how they support you - even if its just saying hello every day. It could be your best friend (good laughs, sharing clothes, going into town) mum and dad (financial help, practical help at home, roof over my head etc) neighbour (there in an emergency, occasional chat). this kind of thing can put more perspective on the people you already know and start you thinking about how to fill the gaps. As for your Mum and Dad you are being brave and selfless not burdening them with your natural grief for your brother but soldiering on, on your own, will be so hard. Can you share your feelings with them? Maybe just a few words? You may be surprised how receptive they are - maybe they too just don't know how to express their hurt so it all gets left unsaid. Could you write a poem or maybe a letter you would have written to him that they could read instead? I am sorry for your loss and hope this has helped a little.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 Your male History teacher is an extension of your brother. You can continue to be a good friend to him .There is no need to say goodbye. In time, as you grow older, your perceptions of him may change. Whether it will or not change, just let the future decide.
For the moment, do not think about goodbyes. Friends don’t say goodbyes. Their footprints are forever in our hearts. We will always cherish and remember them.
If you want to enjoy the same with him , do not tell him your feelings. Just keep it to yourself. And treat him like he is your brother or as a good friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Honey, I'm so sorry to hear you lost your brother. He sounds like a great guy, and it's awful to hear you're feeling this way.
I can understand about your parents, I can imagine they're going through a tough time. This is understandable that you're finding them hard to talk to about it.
But about the teacher...
As you're probably aware, a teacher-student relationship is against the law, and if anyone saw you together in a way that didn't look for the purpose of education, he could lose his job. I think that, seen as you haven't felt this way about him before, in a way, he's replacing your brother. You feel like you've lost someone so special already, so you feel in need to have another close to you. You musn't let your feelings run away with you. This could cause you two great problems. But whatever you do, you musn't tell him how you feel. It's bad enough when a person your age says they don't like you back - but a teacher... Not only could he not like you back, no matter what happens, he could never be allowed a relationship with you. I'm sorry, but until you're older, or have at the very least left school, a relationship with him would just not be possible.
Besides, he's more than likely got a wife or partner, and will want someone more his age. I'm sorry to say this, but I think he maybe just hugs you because he feels sorry for you. It's a natural reaction, and he may be your teacher, but he's still human and will still feel sorry for you.
Please just don't let this get out of hand, it could end with you and him in serious trouble.
I hope everything goes well, and you feel better soon :] If you need me, message me, I'm here for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): i think that your teacher has replaced your brother probably because he is there for you the way your brother was. I dont think a relationship would work with a teacher and a student alot is at risk. he means alot to you because he has been there the entire time helping you through this and youve been used to his help maybe you dont know how you will cope with out his help. Talk to your parents about your brother if it will help you they might need reminding of what your going through aswell good luck
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